


Just How I Am pt.2

by Blankfreeze1958



Series: Just How I Am [2]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:29:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 60,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24966745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blankfreeze1958/pseuds/Blankfreeze1958
Summary: The evolution of a partnership pt. 2
Relationships: Scott Moir & Tessa Virtue, Scott Moir/Tessa Virtue
Series: Just How I Am [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1807471
Comments: 163
Kudos: 142





	1. Two Years Later

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like this was a whole new beginning since it takes place years after the last chapter, so I decided to make this part of a series. I hope you enjoy it :)

“Hey stranger!” 

Scott turns to see Tessa walking toward him, her arms stretched out. 

A smile immediately spreas across his face at the sight of his former partner. 

“Hey!” He replies, opening his arms to her and pulling her into a hug. 

She wraps her arms around his neck and presses her body close to his. It feels like coming home. 

“I really missed you, T.” Scott says, smoothing a hand over her hair. It was silky as ever. 

“Me too.” He hears Tessa say softly, he thinks he detects a hint of disbelief in her voice.

They were at an old hole-in-the-wall bar in downtown London. 

Tessa had finally come home for good after nearly a year of traveling for her campaign with Adidas and various other engagements, and Scott had asked her to meet up out of the blue.  Truthfully, when Tessa got his text, she was surprised. She and Scott had barely communicated in the two years since their tour ended.  She’d been mad at first, when he’d stopped responding to her texts and calls, but that quickly turned into sadness when she realised she’d lost her closest friend. She’d felt hurt and abandoned all over again, and she didn’t understand why.  She knew he was going through a hard time with his ex-fiancee now that they’d split, though and she was a bit worried that something might be wrong, so she agreed to meet up. Maybe it would be good to see him after all. 

Tessa was expecting Scott to look rougher than he did, and she feels guilty for that - thinking that he didn’t have his life together. He looks good. He looks strong, still, even years after their Olympic-level training had ceased, and he looks happy. He has that gleam in his eye, and Tessa is glad for it. She's relieved to see that he's ok, even if things between them are still touchy.

Deep down, though, Scott feels nervous. He hadn’t ever gone this long with out seeing Tessa, and it brought up some feelings he’d thought were behind him. He’d been an ass in ignoring her attempts to contact him, but it had just been so painful to talk to her, and if what she’d wanted was someone else, a life without him, he was going to give that to her, even if it meant inadvertently hurting her, apparently. He knows he owes her an apology, he's honestly surprised she’d even agreed to meet him. The worst part of it all was that he actually has something of a favour to ask of her and he doesn't want her to think that it's the only reason he’s asked her to get together, because he truly _has_ missed her. He always missed her when she's away. Even if they don't see each other at all, he just likes knowing that she's close by. He doesn't like when she's off traveling. 

Tessa looks as fantastic as ever, as if Scott had expected anything less. He lets his eyes skim over her slender form as they make their way to a table at the back of the bar. He's sure she's still dancing - her legs look just as toned, and Scott admires the way her heels make the definition in the muscle there - those long indents in her calves and thighs - stand out. She's perhaps overdressed for the bar, but Scott certainly isn't complaining as he admires the way her dark jeans hug her body all the way up to her waist, where her flowy pale pink shirt is synched, flaring just under the little tie around her midsection. He can see her bra just slightly under the fabric; black to match her heels and pants, and she carries a black leather bag with her. Leave it to Tess to come dressed to the nines. Scott feels a bit grungy in comparison in his red t-shirt and dark jeans. He does have on his good white trainers, though. He thinks she might appreciate that. 

Tessa takes a seat at the table and smiles at Scott under the warm light just overhead. Scott can't help but smile back. It's genuine, and her presence is so welcome and so very familiar. He can smell her lotion, her shampoo, and it makes him smile wider as it brings back all those memories of being so close to her. 

“It’s really good to see you, Tess.” He sighs, as if he’s finally shed a weight from his shoulders. 

Tessa’s nose scrunches as she smiles. “Yeah, I was surprised you texted me!”

Scott winces a bit at that, and Tessa can tell that had made him uncomfortable. 

“I mean… I know you’re probably really busy with the skate shop.” She says, trying to explain her comment away when they both know what she’d truly meant by it. _We haven’t spoken in over a year._

But Scott goes along with it, trying to keep things light. 

The conversation flows more easily than expected after that as the two order drinks and some onion rings for the table. Tessa munches them two at a time.

“I’m sorry.” She says as she sees him laughing at her. “I haven’t had the chance to eat all day.”

Scott cocks his head. “You should’ve told me! We could’ve gone out for some _real_ food.” 

Tessa takes another onion ring in her hand and crunches into it. “This is real food, no?”

Scott chuckles and shrugs before taking a few rings for himself. 

“So how have you been?” He asks her, knowing full well what she’s been up to the past few weeks thanks to an update from Marie France. 

“Pretty good.” Tessa nods, washing her onion rings down with white wine. Scott winces at that combination, but if that isn't quintessential Tessa, Scott doesn't know what is. 

“I’ve been keeping busy enough.” She says, choosing not to elaborate. She knows Scott's living in a little apartment after having sold the house he’d moved into with Ava, and she doesn't want to talk about all of her recent ventures because she doesn't want it to come across as bragging. 

But Scott knows about them anyway. He knows she was working with Adidas and Nivea and about a thousand other brands, and he feels nothing but pride for her. He’s always known Tessa would do well out in the real world. He’s always told her so. 

“I’ve heard all the amazing work you’re doing with Adidas.” Scott says, referring mostly to the day-long althletic camps she’s hosted for underprivileged children, but also thinking about the steaming hot photos of her in all that form-fitting athletic clothing. She sure has a way of making athleisure sexy as hell. 

“Oh, with the kids? Yeah.” She nods, smiling fondly at the memories. “They were really great. Like, really, really amazing.” 

Scott grins. He's glad that Tess was coming around to working with kids. It makes his favour a bit easier for him to ask of her. 

“Coach T.” Scott muses. “Sounds like you were having fun.” 

Tessa flushes a bit. “Yeah, it _was_ fun! I know I always used to say how kids make me kind of nervous, but they were all so sweet and kind and driven. It was really lovely to see.”  She waves her hand in the air, taking a sip of wine. “But what about you? I feel like I haven’t heard from you in ages! How have you been?”

Scott fiddles with the checkered wax paper lining their little whicker basket of onion rings.  “Oh, you know, the break-up was tough.”

Tessa nods, her bottom lip pressed slightly outward. Scott’s pain is her pain. Even now.

“But I’ve been coaching down at Oakridge.”  He’s changed the subject, clearly not ready to elaborate, and that's alright. Tessa won't push.

“Oh, Scott, that’s so great!” Tessa reaches out and squeezed his arm, and he finds himself blushing. She's genuinely ecstatic to learn he’s been coaching. It's always been something he’s wanted to do, and Tessa imagines he's fantastic at it. 

“Yeah.” Scott says, unable to hold back his smile now that Tessa is proud of him. “The kids are great.”

She nods, resting her chin in her hand, eager to hear more. She always prefers to listen to his endeavors rather than talk about her own. 

“There are two couples - the girls are both twelve and the boys are thirteen and fourteen, and then a whole class on Wednesdays, kids ages three to twelve.”

Tessa’s mouth forms an ‘o’ as he finishes, and he smiles at her. 

“What?” He asks. 

“That’s… You’ve really got your hands full.” She laughs, thinking back to them at that age.

Scott nods. “Yeah, but they’re motivated. And they’re really talented. Tess, I’m telling you, they’re really good.”

She tucks her dark hair behind her ear. “That’s amazing, Scott.” She says, her eyes sparkling. “They’re incredibly lucky to have you.” 

Scott feels himself blush again. There's nothing like a compliment from Tess. He’s missed this.  “But speaking of them, Tess, I actually wanted to ask you a favour - And you can totally say no, I know how busy you are. I’m sure you have a million things going on but…” He trails off, feeling his nerves begin to kick in. 

Tessa waits patiently, happy to hear him out. 

“Well… the girls really look up to you, they basically created a shrine to you in their locker room - I saw it after close one night, and they’ve been asking me all about your positioning and footwork and… Well, I try my best to do you justice but I think… I mean would you consider coming by - just for a day? You wouldn’t even have to get on the ice but just to talk with them? It’s completely fine if not, and this really isn’t the reason I’ve asked you here, Tess, I…”

Scott's flushed now, rambling, and Tessa reaches out a hand to his arm, stilling him.  He nearly jumps at the contact.

“Scott. Scott.”

He couldn't have said anything more if he’d wanted to.

“I would _love_ to.” She smiles. 

Scott lets out a loud sigh, ducking his head in relief and Tessa laughs. Scott’s head swings right back up at that - the sound of her laughter. He’s missed that more than he can say.  “They’ll be _beyond_.” Scott says, taking a long swig of beer. 

“Would Tuesday work?” Tessa asks. “I’ve just promised my mom I would come by and see her tomorrow and I…” 

“Tuesday is perfect, Tess. Any day. Any day that works for you is perfect.” Scott says.

Tessa smiles and nods. “Tuesday, then.”

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch. Neither of them delve too deeply into their personal lives, and Tessa's glad they're on the same page with that. It doesn't feel like the right time to get into things between them, and Scott certainly doesn't want to talk about his failed engagement.  As they bid each other farewell at the end of the night, neither of them are sure how to say goodbye. Should they hug? It feels like too much. Shake hands? Way too formal. There ended up being an extended silence, after which, Tessa just sticks her hand up and offers him a cute little wave, bending at the knees as she does so.  If nothing else, it get a smile from Scott, who waves back.

It's a sad realisation that they aren't as in sync as they once were. It even brings tears to Tessa’s eyes as she makes the drive home. It's been good to see him, but she misses what they used to have. She misses talking to him. She misses her best friend.  She wipes at her eyes, collecting the few tears that fell and sweeping them from her freckled face just as she pulls into her driveway. 

She can't help but feel displaced. All the traveling she’s been doing lately had made her feel so isolated from everyone she cares about. And she can't expect them to just stop their lives to come see her now that she was back, but she hates being alone in her big empty house. At least when she's away in a hotel she knows there were lots of people just on the other side of all the doors that line the hallways. Even if they're strangers, at least they're close by.  Maybe she should’ve invited Scott back for a while… but, no. They aren't there anymore. They haven't been there in a long time. 

She picks her phone up and calls Montreal.

“Hey you.” She hears on the other end. 

She lets out a quick breath, glad to hear someone else’s voice.  “Hey.” She finds herself smiling. “I just wanted… I just wanted to call and say hi. I’m home and-“

“Actually babe, can I call you back? I’ve just got to a night shoot and I need to get things set up.”

“Oh, yeah… I’m so sorry. Of course. I’ll-”

The line clicks before she has the opportunity to say goodbye, and Tessa just stares at her phone for a moment before allowing herself to crash down onto her couch and curl up into a ball, hugging a throw pillow to her chest. She closes her eyes tightly and lets out a shaky breath.  Things with Chris have grown strained lately. He's often away at a shoot, which is been fine, since she’s been away, but now she's realising maybe it _isn't_ great that she hasn't seen him in two months.

_It’s ok, Tess._ She tells herself, but it doesn't feel ok. She feels directionless. 

Sure, she's successful. On paper she's _incredibly_ successful. But sometimes it doesn't feel like it. She feels like she's just floating from one thing to another, and all the people she considers most important to her are off living their own lives, tethered down by goals they've yet to meet.  Maybe she needs to set bigger goals for herself? Her therapist told her that sometimes her goal-setting can border on _unhealthy_ , but she thinks she might do better if she had more structure in her life. 

Regardless, she's here now, alone in a big, dark, lonely house, and no amount of drive, not even Tessa Virtue-quality drive is going to solve that tonight.  So, Tessa shuts her eyes and lets herself drift into a restless sleep there on her couch, not wanting to spend another night in a giant bed all alone. 

Scott lays in bed that night tossing and turning. It was nice to see Tess. Maybe surprisingly nice. She’d looked good. She’d looked _really_ good. And of course she did, it was _Tess_. He hadn’t expected any less, he’d just maybe expected not to care so much.  _Fuck_ , she’d looked good.  He hasn’t thought about that in a while - how good she can make a pair of leggings look, or how her legs look in heels, or how her eyes light up when she smiles.

He reaches over for his phone on the nightstand beside his bed and opens Instagram. He hardly ever uses the app, but Tess is pretty fond of it. He’d worked on not checking her feed after they’d ended their relationship. It had proven easier not to think about her when he didn’t have to see her face. He hates himself for it, but it truly was often easier to just pretend she doesn't exist.

Having seen her tonight was tough. Everything had come flooding back to him; the sound of her laugh, the crinkle of her strikingly green eyes, her long dark hair, the freckles scattered about her nose and chest - it had been _so_ good see her.

He scrolls through her feed, pausing to analyse each picture. God, she really is just effortlessly beautiful. She was glowing in every single picture, just as she’d been glowing today. Scott wonders about Chris. He must be the one taking the pictures of her; one of her laughing on a bridge in London in a lovely long blue and white skirt, another on a blanket in a park with gelato in her hand, one on some tropical looking beach in a black bikini, and countless others. That had been _his_ job, once. 

But she looks happy. He hopes she's happy. 

He opens a picture of a closeup of her face and bops her nose with his index finger, remembering how he used to do that to her when they were being silly. It would always make her eyes go wide. He’d liked that. And then, if he was lucky, she’d let out a little giggle. He misses that. He knows he has to apologise to her. He wants at the very least to be on good terms. Even if they can no longer be friends, he wants to be sure she doesn't hate him for cutting her out of his life. 

* * *

The next morning, Tessa gets up early, her neck sore from sleeping at an odd angle on the couch. She goes for a run, has a quick breakfast and showers before changing into a pair of dark skinny jeans and Adidas trainers with a nice square-neck tank top in light blue.  Her mother’s house is close by, but Tessa leaves twenty minutes early, eager to see her mother and always one to be punctual. 

“Oh, honey!” Kate exclaims as she flings the door open to see her daughter. It's been three months since they'd last seen one another - Kate had come to visit Tessa in Paris - and she can hardly contain her excitement at being reunited. 

They embrace for a long time, just standing there in the doorway. 

“Oh, you look _lovely_!” Kate gushes, when she’s pulled back, brushing Tessa’s long dark locks over her shoulder. “But you always do” She winks at her daughter. 

Tessa smiles sweetly, but sighs inwardly. She knows where this is going already.  But her mother holds off for a while. It isn't until they’ve finished shopping and are on their way to meet Jordan for dinner that Kate brings it up at all. It's an improvement, Tessa supposes, but it doesn't make her feel any more comfortable when Kate asks, “So, how are you and Chris?”

Tessa cringes at the question. She isn't quite sure how to answer it. She doesn't want to lie, but she doesn't want to get into it either.  Tessa shrugs. “It’s been ok.” She says. 

“Oh?” Kate’s interest is piqued. “Have you two seen each other lately?” Kate asks. She often worries about her daughter’s relationship when she can't seem to stay in one place for longer than a month. 

“He’s been in Montreal for a while.” Tessa tells her mother. “He’s planning on coming down in a week or so to visit. He just has this really great opportunity there, it’s a Nike shoot and he’s been so busy.” Tessa feels the need to justify his being away. “He’s really considerate about everything.” Tessa explains. “He’s so good about organising times to chat and just … he sends me things and he’s really good. He’s really great.” Tessa also feels the need to overcompensate a bit, which she doesn't particularly like. 

“I know he is, Tessie.” Kate says reaching out and rubbing Tessa’s arm. She hadn't wanted to bring up a sore subject, but Tessa’s significant other couldn’t _not_ be a topic of conversation.  Tessa didn’t date often.There hadn’t been boys upon boys for her Kate to get to know. Tessa honestly had only a couple of relationships over the course of her entire life, so Kate takes a pretty vested interest in her daughter’s relationships when she can. 

Tessa can tell her mother isn't thrilled about that aspect of she and Chris’s long distance semi-serious relationship. Her mother has always been defensive of her, especially around men.  Tessa wonders if the defensiveness has something to do with her father. She thinks back to those times she’d been in therapy with Scott. She’d had some trust issues resulting from her father leaving. She supposes it was likely that her mother did as well. She can't blame her for that. 

“Hey!” Jordan exclaims when she sees them. She's waiting out in front of the restaurant in a navy blue pant-suit with a ruffled white blouse. 

The sisters embrace first, Tessa hugging Jordan extra tight. She's so glad to see her big sister again. It's been far too long. 

“I _looove_ this!” Tessa exclaims as she steps back to admire her sister and pulls on the sides of her suit jacket. 

Jordan smiles brightly and waves her off. “Work chic, you know.” 

_I don’t, really_. Tessa thinks to herself. She’s never had a job, not in the traditional sense - not like Jordan. She flushes slightly at that.

The women sit and order food and drink, mostly catching up on Tessa’s travels and Jordan’s legal exploits. Kate's happy to sit back and listen to her daughters until there's a break in the conversation. 

“Oh, honey,” She says to Jordan, “Tess was telling me Chris has been up in Montreal for a Nike shoot.” Kate says, sounding like one of those gossiping women at the country club they used to go to. 

Tessa looks over at Jordan and flashes her a look as if to say _here we go._

But Jordan plays along with their mother, because she's genuinely curious about what her little sister has been up to recently.  “That sounds pretty cool. Is he coming down to visit anytime soon?”

Tessa shrugs. “Probably.” 

“You don’t know?” Kate asks. “You said within a couple weeks.” 

“I - we haven’t really had the opportunity to talk.” Tessa admits. 

“You know flights from Montreal are pretty cheap.” Jordan says. 

Tessa shoots her a look. _You’re really not helping._

Jordan bites her lip. “Er… I mean, Montreal is a pretty good distance from here, and I’m sure you’re both very busy.”

Tessa busies herself by taking another sip of wine, and Kate smiles at her sweetly. Her Tessa's a good girl. She's responsible and has a strong moral compass. She cares for others fiercely. Kate just wants to make sure she's taking good care of herself as well.  “I met Scott for drinks last night.” Tessa says, keen to change the subject.

Kate and Jordan both lean forward, eager for the details, and Tessa has to laugh at that. 

“It was nice to see him. He seems to be doing really well.” She says, tracing her finger along the base of her wine glass. “He seems happy.” And she can't help but smile at the thought of Scott’s happiness.  “He’s coaching.” She informs them. 

Kate has mixed feelings about the man who’d skated around with her precious baby daughter for twenty-some years, though.  On one hand, he’s been good to Tessa and they’d made fabulous partners. He’s always looked out for her, always had the instinct in him to keep Tessa safe at all costs, and that was all Kate could have asked for, really.  But on the other hand, she believes Scott has rather ruined Tessa for all other men. She’d understood it when Tessa had broken things off with Scott after the tour, she really had. Tessa had never had the opportunity to be her own person. It’s always been Tessa _and_ Scott, never just _Tessa_ , and she should get to experience that, just like anyone else. However, Kate feels like Tess compares every man she ever meets to Scott. And she worries about the absence of him now in her life. Both her father and Scott had been a part of her life for a good long time, and both had just suddenly dropped out of it like it had been nothing. Kate can't help the sadness she feels in her heart at the fact that the two of them had all but stopped talking. She can't help fearing that her little girl would self-sabotage her relationships the way Kate herself had done when her husband had left. 

Kate knew she didn’t have all the details of Tessa and Scott’s relationship, but Tessa had come to her on more than a few occasions for a shoulder to cry on. Kate had tried to talk to Tessa about it, but Tessa just wouldn’t have it. It hurt Kate that she didn’t know what to do to help her daughter.  And when it came out that Scott and Ava had broken things off, as awful as it sounds, she thought Tessa might be happy, but her daughter had been even more withdrawn then, to the point where Kate wouldn’t bring him up over the phone, afraid to let Tessa be alone after talking about such an obviously hurtful subject.  Kate figured that now, after some time had passed, Tessa was finding it easier to talk about. She’d gone to meet him even! That was incredible progress. She's proud of her daughter.

“That’s awesome.” Jordan nods, happy herself that Scott's happy, but she harbours similar feelings to her mother about him. 

As far as dating has gone for Tessa, aside from Scott, Jordan noticed that her sister would find someone sub-par, someone who treats her _alright._ Someone perfectly acceptable, because that’s all Tessa thinks she deserves. And then she’ll break up with him or he’ll break up with her because it can't ever work out, and Tessa will be heartbroken all the same because she has no idea that she's doing this and she's too sweet not to invest herself into an already doomed relationship. Jordan has always been protective of her sister, but it's difficult to protect Tessa from _herself_. 

“I’m actually going to the rink tomorrow to meet some of the kids.” Tessa says. “It sounds like he has a good little group.” 

Kate and Jordan are happy to hear it, as they both know how much joy Tessa gets out of being on the ice.

_That will be good for her._ Kate thinks. 

After dinner, Tessa and Jordan drop their mother off at her house before driving to Jordan’s condo.  Tessa accepts her invitation in, happy to have some alone time with her sister. 

“So, you don’t know when you’ll see your boyfriend next!?” Jordan balks in jest, pretending to be their mother as they get through the front door. 

“Someone call the National Enquirer!” Tessa laughs.

Jordan shrugs, “They’d be all over it, honestly.” 

Tessa shudders at that. She hates how interested people are in her relationships. “What about you? Anyone special?” She asks her sister. 

Jordan collapses back onto the sofa in her cosy living room with a sigh. “There’s a guy. We’re not serious, really, but I do like him.” 

“Why isn’t he _here_ , I’m sure he doesn’t live far!?” Tessa exclaims. 

Jordan barks out a laugh.  “Ok, that was a dick move, I’m sorry.” She says, “I just didn’t know it was a _thing_ that you weren’t really seeing him.” 

Tessa shrugs. “It’s not that I’m not seeing him, I just haven’t seen him in a while and we haven’t really talked about it.” Tessa waves it off. “Anyway, where’d you meet this guy?” 

Jordan tells her sister all about the man she’d met outside her gym, and before they know it, the topic has turned to sex. 

“It’s fucking amazing!” Jordan tells her sister. “Like mind-blowingly amazing. Like, I didn’t even know I could feel things where I’m feeling them when I’m with him.”

Tessa’s eyes grow wide. “Wow… What is… That’s… I’m really happy for you, Jord.” She laughs. 

Jordan smirks. “I’m happy for me too.” She says. “What about camera boy, how's he in bed?” 

Tessa laughs at the nickname. “He’s good.” Tessa says, not expanding. 

“Mh. So _not_ good?” Jordan asks, teasing. 

Tessa blushes. “He’s alright. Like… He’s fine.” Tessa’s face grows redder. It always does when she talks about sex, even if it's with her exceptionally candid sister. 

“Does he go down on you?” Jordan asks.

“ _Jord_.” Tessa groans, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Jordan chuckles. “Oh, come on, Tess, it’s a fully normal, beautiful, fucking enrapturing human experience that every vagina owner deserves in a partnership!” 

Tessa shrugs. “It’s not really my thing.” She says quietly. 

Jordan’s jaw drops open. “What?” She cups her hand around her ear as if she hasn’t heard Tessa right. “I’m sorry, _what_?” She asks again. 

Tessa's sure her face is beet red by now. “I don’t know I just never really feel… comfortable like that.”

Jordan leans back, looking at Tessa understandingly now. She knows Tessa's a bit shy when it comes to her body. “Ok.” She nods, not wanting to make her feel _too_ uncomfortable. “But you’ve done it before, yeah?” 

Tessa nods. “Yeah. I’ve tried it a few times. I don’t know, Jord.” She says. “I just can’t do it with just anyone.” Tessa sighs deeply. Shit. She tries not to think about the times she’s done that with Scott. She’s really never felt safer than with him. She hadn't meant this to get so deep. She's starting to realise that maybe she isn't as comfortable around Chris as she’d thought. 

“Did something happen?” Jordan asks, wanting to make sure she's alright. 

Tessa shakes her head, but doesn't say anything else. 

There's a long moment of silence, before Tessa draws a shaky breath. 

“Jord?” she asks. 

Jordan raised her brow.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Tessa asks softly, embarrassed to even be asking. She feels like a scared little child, but she really doesn't want to go home to her big empty house and all these thoughts about failed relationships. 

Jordan rests her hand on Tessa’s arm and gives her a reassuring little squeeze. “Always.” She says. And that's that. 

Tessa curls up in bed next to her big sister, feeling pathetic but glad she doesn't have to be alone again. 


	2. Not Too Sure

Tuesday rolls around and Tessa pulls up to the rink right on time; 11am.  She makes her way inside and it looks just as it had when she and Scott were children. They’d skated there a few times, for local competitions.  As she enters the rink, she sees Scott’s athletes on the ice and watches them for a beat. He’d understated their talent the other day. They're _incredible_. 

“Tess!” Scott waves her over to the boards when he catches sight of her. He whistles through his teeth, and his students stop to look over. 

One of the girls shrieks, and the other just freezes, her mouth dropping open.  Tessa smiles and waves at the athletes on the ice who are skating over quickly. 

“Ms. Virtue! I… My name is Avery and I’m a huge fan and I just… I wanted to… Hi!” One of the girls rambles. 

Tessa giggles. She’s very sweet. She’s wearing her thick blonde hair in a messy high ponytail, with bright pink leggings and a fuzzy purple sweater.  Her partner, a black haired, blue-eyed boy stands beside her, smiling brightly. “I’m Drew.” He says.

The other girl looks younger. She’s shorter than Avery and much quieter. She has her dark hair tied back in a braid, a bit chaotic now with the efforts of her skate. But she has serene brown eyes and wears a blue athletic jacket and black leggings. “I’m Ruby.” She says softly. 

Tessa gives her a big smile while her partner skates up and slings an arm around her shoulder. 

“I’m Tyson.” He says. He has dirty blonde hair, green eyes and fair skin.

“It’s so lovely to meet you all.” Tessa says, excitedly. “From the little bit I’ve just seen, I can tell you’re all so _so_ talented. I’m really blown away.”

“Well, duh, look who their coach is.” Scott jokes, smiling down at Tessa as his skaters roll their eyes at him. “We were about to work on some lifts and, if it’s not too much trouble, Tess, I thought maybe you could help me with the girls? Just positioning and all that.”

Tessa nods, eager to feel useful. 

The six of them spend the better part of the next two hours practicing one lift after another, Scott trying to work out which lifts work for which pair. 

“What’s your music, again?” Tessa asks Ruby.

“It’s ‘ _I Put a Spell on You_.’” Ruby informs her. 

Tessa nods and bites her lip, watching Tyson run through a few drills with Scott.

“Do you not like that choice?” Ruby asks quickly, crossing her arms. “We weren’t sure if it was maybe too dark.”

“I think it’s a fantastic choice.” Tessa says, genuinely. “And sometimes it’s most fun to play those dark characters.” She winks at Ruby who blushes a bit.

Tessa has always had fun with the darker roles she’s played. They’d given her the opportunity to freely step out of the persona people expect from her. Plus, the not-so-subtle _looks_ she’d get from Scott had been endlessly entertaining.  “I just think that maybe…” Tessa trails off as Scott skates over. 

“How’s it going, Kiddo?” Tessa turns to him instinctually before she realises he’s talking to Ruby. She winces at the feeling of grief that shoots through her as she mourns that part of their relationship.

Ruby shrugs. “It just feels off.” 

Scott sighs, patting both her and Tyson on the shoulder. “What d’you think, T? We’ve been trying to work out the kinks in this one for a while.”

Tessa chews her lip. “I love the music, I love the lifts and the choreo, I’m just…” 

Scott smirks, glad to see Tessa getting so into things. Not that he’s expected any less. Tessa throws herself head first into anything she does. 

“I’m just wondering what it would look like if you did the combo first and then the curve after the sequence…” Tessa says, mostly thinking out loud.

Scott, Ruby and Tyson all stare at her for a moment, thinking things through.

“And maybe during the sequence if, Ruby, you could be in front, that way when you get your leg around him it’ll probably be a quicker transition to lift.”

Scott understands then exactly what she’s talking about and opens his mouth to praise her, but she continues before he has the chance.

“And maybe if you did more of a shimmy just before rather than a twirl, I don’t know…” 

Scott laughs, snapping Tessa out of her daze.  “Sounds like you _do_ know, T.”

“I think that would be a lot easier - having Rubes in front.” Tyson says, nodding. “And I didn’t even think about switching the lifts, I was getting kind of nervous that we’d have to scrap them completely.” 

Scott winces. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” He said, clapping Tyson on the shoulder. The boy laughs. 

“Alright, let’s run the full with what we have. Make those changes if you can, if not, at least try switching the lifts, see how that goes.” Scott says.

Ruby and Tyson nod, skating to center ice as Scott cues their music.  Tessa and Scott watch from the boards as the pair run the program with all the changes Tessa had suggested. The lifts are smoother, the steps are in sync. The program just seems to fall into place.  Scott balks at Tessa and makes a show of bowing down to her as a breathless Tyson and Ruby skate over toward them.  Tessa laughs, though she feels slightly uncomfortable. She and Scott haven’t joked around in ages. 

“That was so good!” Tessa exclaims to the skaters, her hands clasped together in excitement. 

Ruby smiles shyly, and Tyson grins, his arm around her. 

“Who knew we were just missing the Virtue magic touch.” Scott says. 

Tessa laughs. “I don’t know about that.” She says, sweetly. “You had the whole program in place.” 

Scott chuckles. “And you switched everything around and it works much better.”

She looks over at him shyly, and Tyson and Ruby exchange a look.

“We’re going to run it once more.” Tyson says, and Scott gives him a quick nod, eyes still on Tessa.

“You’re a really great choreographer.” Tessa tells him. 

Scott laughs and shakes his head. “I’m pretty terrible, T.” He says. “They deserve better. I’ve been having a real choreographer come out every so often to check up on things and make changes, but I think you’ve cracked the code with that one.” He nods toward his skaters. 

Tessa blushes. “Well, I’m glad I could help. Sometimes it just takes a fresh pair of eyes.”

Scott laughs and shakes his head. “Sometime I’m going to get you to just accept the fact that you’re a genius.” He says. 

She smiles and shakes her head while Scott admires the way her cheeks had grown pink at his praise.  _This is weird, right?_ Tessa thinks to herself. It shouldn’t feel so easy. They’ve all but cut each other out of their lives.  Tessa works with Avery and Drew for a while after that, and at the end of their session, she joins the girls in the locker room. 

“We keep your poster up here.” Avery shows Tessa proudly. 

Tessa finds herself blushing again. Scott wasn’t kidding, it was almost a shrine, with skate laces hanging down from the corners and gold foil around the borders. The picture was one from Pyeongchang, after their short dance. She sighs, thinking back on it. She loves that costume. 

“Will you sign it for us?” Avery asks, holding out a dry erase marker from the board in the corner. 

A few other skaters had clustered around them, most of them younger, and they were looking up at her with big, starry eyes. 

_Oh_. 

Tessa had known little girls looked up to her, and she’d been to plenty of events where she’d spent time with them and spoken to them. But being in a locker room, in such an intimate setting with these little skaters who just thought the world of her was something special. It made her happy that her skating was something they wanted to emulate, but it also made her feel sad for the past few years of her life. She felt she hadn’t done much worth admiring. She hadn’t been making a difference the way Scott had been. He’d been on the front lines, building relationships with these little skaters, while she would flit into and out of young athlete’s lives quicker than they could blink. 

She wants to be more than that. 

But she smiles and signs the poster for them, giggling at their little squeals of excitement. 

When practise is over and the girls are getting ready to leave, Avery runs over to Tessa and pulls her into a tight hug. 

“Thank you soooo much for helping us with our programs today!” She gushes. 

Tessa laughs. “Thank you guys for letting me join in.” She says, meeting Ruby’s eyes as well. Ruby blushes, and steps in closer.  “I had so much fun.” Tessa says. 

“Will you come to our competition next week?” Ruby asks gently. 

Tessa can tell the girl’s all nerves about it, she knows that feeling all too well.  She hadn’t been expecting to enjoy being here as much as she had today, and she supposes being there to see the girls compete their programs with the choreo she’d helped with might be nice.  “It’s Saturday?” She asks.

Ruby nods. 

Tessa thinks for a moment. She has nothing going on that day as far as she knows.  She smiles at Ruby. “I would love that, thank you for inviting me.” 

Ruby’s face lights up, and Avery jumps up and down in excitement. Tessa can’t help the laughter that comes at that. 

* * *

Scott had convinced Tessa to let him take her out for drinks after practise as a thank you. He goes to meet her in the front hallway of the rink after changing.  He thought he’d dress up a bit more this time, choosing a dark collared shirt with dark jeans and black leather shoes. 

He sees Tessa standing by a bench in the hall, and God, she looks beautiful. She’d outdo him in a potato sack, he thinks. He’s used to it by now, and he’s certainly never minded it. She’s wearing black slacks and black heels with a tight black top that allowed just a thin sliver of her belly to peek out. Her hair’s wavy, tied back in a ponytail with a blue ribbon.  He’s about to greet her when he realises she’s on the phone. 

“I miss you too.” He hears Tessa say softly. 

That definitely isn’t her mother she's was talking to. 

“I know.” She giggles. “Stop! Where are you?”  There’s silence while she waits for a response. 

“Chris!” She giggles like a little girl. “Oh my goodness. Ok. Save the rest of that for later, I’m at the rink,” and then she says in a hushed tone, her eyes growing wide, “there are _children_ around!”

Scott feels himself grow hot. It used to be that _him_ doing that to her.  Oh God, he remembers some of the things he’s said to her. He hates to think of anyone else saying those things. 

Having not seen her in so long, it’s been easy not to think about that - Tessa with someone else. She’s always been good at keeping her love life separate from their relationship. He knows that was because of his jealousy. He’s never approved of anyone she was seeing, and, quite honestly, he’s always treated her poorly when she was seeing someone because it’s painful for him. He takes it out on her even though it isn’t her fault he’s hurting. So gradually, she’s just stopped talking to him about it. He feels badly now that he hadn’t offered her openness and support in that realm of her life, but he just … he’s never been quite able to do it. He’s never been able to get over not having her as his own. 

Tessa’s biting her lip now, her cheeks all flushed, and Scott hates to think about what Chris is saying to her.  Tessa glances up and notices Scott standing at the other end of the hallway. He gives her a weak wave, and her face gets even redder. 

“Chris, I’ve got to go. No. No.” She giggles. “No, that’s you. I’ll talk to you later.” And she hangs up quickly. " Sorry.” She says to Scott, slipping her phone into her purse. “Ready?” 

* * *

They go to a little place in downtown London. It’s swanky enough for Tessa to feel like she’s dressed appropriately and relaxed enough that neither of them feel on display. 

“So” Scott begins as their drinks arrive. Tessa’s drinking a white wine, Scott an IPA.  “What did you think of the kids?” 

Tessa smiles widely. “You were right - they _are_ amazing. You’ve got something special there.”

Scott nods, sipping his beer. “Thank you so much for doing that, Tess. They’re going to be raving about it for weeks.” 

Tessa waves him away, it was no big deal. Her pleasure, really.  “They asked me to come to their competition Saturday.” She says, tasting her wine. 

Scott’s eyebrows go up. “Oh.” He says, shaking his head and chuckling. “I’m guessing that was Avery's idea. Sorry about that, I’ll tell them how busy you are.”

Tessa shakes her head. “No, I want to go.” She says, and then quickly adds, “if that’s alright with you.” 

The look on Scott’s face isn’t one of disapproval, as Tessa might have interpreted it, it’s surprise. He hadn’t expected her to want much to do with anything he was involved in. Of course, he isn’t insular enough to think Tessa’s doing any of this for _him_ , but it does require her to be _around_ him, which just isn’t something he’s expected. 

“I just really enjoyed being there and I want to support them.” She says. “Ruby is so nervous, it reminds me of how I used to get.”

Scott smiles and nods. “Me too.” He admits, his finger plucking the side of the cork coaster under his beer. 

He remembers Tessa getting nervous weeks before competition, even. She’d text him at ungodly hours of the night with one worry after another, or little corrections she’d made in her head, or to tell him her nightmares. 

He’d always liked waking up to texts from her. Plus, they gave him something to tease her about at the rink the next day. But he never teased about her nightmares. He’s always wished he could have done more to help. 

“How’s Tyson to her?” Tessa asks.

Scott smirks. _She genuinely cares_. “He’s good. He’s uh... I mean he’s a fourteen year old boy but he’s better than _I_ was.” Scott says, taking a sip of beer and nodding. “They’ve got a connection, and we work on stuff like that a lot - respect and care and compassion, things like that.” 

\- Things they’d learned in therapy, he meant. Tessa’s impressed to see how broad of a coaching experience Scott is giving his athletes. She likes that he’s taken therapy seriously. The techniques that they’d learned together had proven to be invaluable in their comeback.

“That’s really good, Scott.” She says softly, trying not to think about all those times he’d shown her he’d cared. “You’re a really great coach.”

Scott shakes his head. “I just have a lot of experience.” He says. “I’m still working on the coaching part.”

“Well, you’re doing a pretty great job of it.” Tessa says. 

Scott shrugs off the compliment. “Listen, Tess, are you sure you want to come Saturday? It’s really ok if you’ve got something going on.”

Tessa shakes her head and Scott gets caught up in her eyes for a moment. “I’m sure.” She says. “I’d really like to be there.”

Scott nods. “I didn’t just want to meet you the other night to ask you to help me out with the kids.” 

Tessa cocks her head. “I know.” She says. 

“I really did want to see you. See how you were doing.” Scott continues. 

“Ok.” Tessa says, taking a long sip of wine. 

Scott can’t gauge her reaction. “I wanted to uh... I don’t know. I feel like I should say something about… I mean we haven’t talked in over a year…”

Tessa shakes her head. “We don’t have to talk about it.” She doesn't want to.  “We should order some food.” She suggests instead, changing the subject. 

Scott gets the message and shuts up as Tessa opens her menu.  She orders a Cobb salad and Scott has a burger. 

“How’s your mom?” Scott asks, remembering Tessa had mentioned going out with her the day before. 

“She’s good.” Tessa says. “She’s been volunteering at the food bank and I think she really likes it.”

Scott nods. “My mom mentioned that a little while ago. That’s nice of her.”

Tessa shrugs, taking a bite of salad. She’s a bit irked and she can’t say why. Maybe it’s all those memories creeping back into her consciousness. Maybe it’s that she misses skating. She isn’t sure, but she isn’t exactly feeling talkative just now.

Scott senses it and clears his throat, deciding to man up and offer his part of an apology. “Look, Tess.” He says. “I do want to apologise.”

“Scott.” Tessa cuts him off, her tone harsh. He looks at her and sees hurt in her eyes. “I really don’t want to do this.” She says, her voice shaking. 

“Ok.” He says quietly, trying to put her at ease. “I’m sorry.”

Tessa looks away from him. God, why is this so hard? Why had they slipped so far apart? But really they both know the answer to that, and Tessa feels strange about it. _She_ was the one who’d broken things off. _She’d_ ended whatever they’d been. But she’d still wanted to be friends. He was her best friend in the whole world and he’d just dropped out of her life like it was nothing. Even when she’d reached out he’d hardly responded. 

Scott takes a deep breath. “Ava stole my succulent.” He blurts, desperate to say something. 

Tessa looks taken aback. “What?” She says, the pitch of her voice higher than normal, her brow furrowing slightly. 

“She... I left him there while I took some things back to my new apartment and he was just on the windowsill and I was going to take him over last so I could be careful with him but when I got back he was gone. I asked her and she said I’d left the window open and he’d fallen out but I _didn’t_ leave the window open and when I asked her where the broken pot was she couldn’t show me so I _know_ she’s lying. I _know_ she took him.” _Fuck, really?_ Scott thinks to himself. Is he really going to bring up _Ava_ now? _How is this a better topic of conversation?_

Tessa just stares at him for a moment and he’s sure she’s going to get up and just walk away. But she doesn’t. And then he feels stupid for thinking it. It’s Tessa. 

“I didn’t know you kept plants.” Is her response, her tone evened out now. 

Scott lets out a sputtering breath and runs his hand through the back of his hair.  “Yeah, I ... remember you gave me that book about the plants?”

Tessa nods. “The secret life of plants.”

Scott nods back. “I finally got around to reading it when we were all stuck inside and as soon as we could get back out I bought Derek.”

Tessa can’t help the little twitch of her lips as she almost smiles. “You named him Derek?”

“Plants are as alive as you and I.” Scott quotes the book, his serious disposition only making Tessa’s lips turn up further. 

“And he’s been kidnapped.” Tessa says, studying Scott’s face, making sure he isn’t joking. 

Scott nods, serious as a heart attack. “She’s got him and I know it. I’ll see her in a week to go over some final papers on the house so I’m planning on confronting her about it then.”

“You really care about Derek.” She says. 

Scott nods, his eyes falling. He wishes he could somehow explain to her that he’d found that book as he and Ava’s relationship had begun to fail. It had still smelled like Tessa’s lotion - she’d probably been reading it before bed. He’d thrown it to the back of his book shelf after she’d given it to him, but when he’d found it, it reminded him of her - of a time she’d cared enough for him to give him a book she liked. He’d taken that for granted. It had been wrong of him to cut her out the way he had. 

Scott had read the entire book in one sitting, and when he’d gotten Derek, he’d meant something to Scott. He wanted to care for Derek because it felt like the only thing he could do for Tessa. He hardly allowed himself to acknowledge it but every time he looked at Derek he thought of Tessa, and the thought of her in the good times had brought him some semblance of comfort. 

When Ava had taken Derek, Scott had actually been furious. It felt like she had taken away everything Scott had cared about. Only he knew that wasn’t true. He didn’t _really_ care that much about a succulent, and he knew he was only avoiding his problems, but it worked well enough. He felt badly for giving Tessa the cold shoulder, but she’d been the one to break things off with him. This was what she _wanted_. 

“I’m sorry.” Tessa says, sincerely, again, because it’s Tessa. “I hope you get him back.”

“Me too.” Scott says, and he genuinely does. He’d enjoyed caring for Derek. 

Tessa smiles and Scott feels himself breathe again. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Tess.” He says, inching his hand out across the table.

Years ago she’d have responded immediately by taking his hand in hers. Now, she keeps her hands in her lap, watching his wearily while she laces her fingers together. The urge to join herself to him is still there, but she won’t allow it. 

“Let’s just stop, then.” She blurts, her eyes fixed on the table. 

Scott nods. “Ok.” He whispers as he takes his hand back. 

There’s a long moment of silence while the two just stare at the food in front of them, wondering how they’ve gotten to this point. 

“Well the kids will be really happy to have you there this weekend.” He says. “Thanks for doing it, T.” 

Tessa winces at the nickname, it’s been so long since she’s been called that, and it saddens her for reasons she can’t place, but she looks up at him and forces a weak smile.

The rest of the evening is filled with surface-level conversations that neither Scott nor Tessa are completely interested in - but it’s comfortable enough. T hey part ways with another wave and Tessa finds herself crying again in her car. 

She did meant it. She does really wanted to support Scott’s athletes, but it’s been so _strange_ seeing him. Part of her feels like it’s normal, and of course it does, that had been her normal for over twenty years. But part of her also feels pained by it. 

She lays (begrudgingly) in her own bed that night (she’s sucked it up and gone back to her empty house. She’s a big girl).  She thinks about calling Chris back, but can’t stomach the thought. She doesn't want to deal with any sort of relationship right now. She’s of it all. She’s tired of feelings that conflict and contradict and make her brain feel like it’s tied up into a million knots. She just wants to be alone now.  She clutches a pillow to her chest and closes her eyes, trying her best to push her feelings down far enough so she can sleep. 

Meanwhile, Scott’s gone home feeling angry. But not with Tessa. He’s angry with himself. He lays on his sofa, his television on in the background, filling the room with a dim light. He picks his phone off the coffee table in front of him and pulls up youtube. Their compulsory dance from the Vancouver olympics.  Tessa had been a bundle of nerves before, just like she’d been talking about earlier that night. Scott smiles slightly as he recalls it. Ruby isn’t _unlike_ Tessa, he supposes. Maybe he can give Tyson some tips on how to help her through the nerves.  That particular day, at the Olympics, they were coming off several subpar practice sessions and neither of them were feeling very confident. But in their little prep room, he’d taken her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. They’d spoken without speaking, as they’d so often done. The years they’d shared between them, even then, bred a kind of innate understanding of the other’s thought process and thus the other’s needs.  He’d wrapped his arms around Tess, and they’d breathed together. He felt her heartbeat slow from that of a rabbit to that of a lion, and he knew they were ready. And if he knew it then she knew it, too. And they were. They had been.

He smiles as their dance ends, Tessa’s one leg pulled up. She’d improvised that bit, he recalls or else done it out of feeling. Either way, it looks good. It fits well. And then he watches himself celebrate and shakes his head. He’d been such an ass back then. He’s been an ass lately, too. He shouldn’t have treated Tessa the way he has. He still cares for her, she has to know that, right? He always has. He’s more mature now. He can be an adult about all of this. He doesn’t need to be _with_ her to be _friends_ with her. But he still does feel the need to apologise. He feels like she doesn’t understand the reason he’d ignored her. 

* * *

Friday night, Tessa goes out with Jordan and has a bit too much to drink. She feels the impending stress of having to see Scott the next day, the stress over what she’s doing with her life, and the stress of Chris, who’s hardly bothered to contact her at all since he’d called her at the rink the other night. He’s starting to remind her of Scott, the way he won't get back to her. She just wants to be done with things for a while, and Jordan and liquor provide the perfect distraction from her daily life. 

The music is blaring, the club is dark, and Tessa and Jordan are on their fourth drink each. Tessa knows three is her limit, and she hardly ever has three drinks at all, but she doesn’t much care tonight. She _wants_ to get a bit drunk. 

“Jord?” She asks, as Jordan surveys the room. 

“Mh?” Her eyebrows raise. 

“Does … do … do you think I’m a good person?” Tessa slurs a bit.

“Wha?” Jordan leans closer to hear her sister over the pumping music. 

“Do you think that I suck as a person?!” Tessa shouts in her sister’s ear. “Am I a terrible person?” 

“Tess, why would you ask that?!” Jordan shouts back.

Tessa looks off into the crowd. 

“Hey!” Jordan grabs Tessa by her bare shoulders and forces her to look at her. “Why are you saying that?!” 

“People don’t like me!” She yells. She doesn’t care if anyone hears, though she seriously doubts anyone will because the music is so loud she can barely hear herself. 

She’d been thinking about this since before the Olympics - since she could remember, really. She’s never felt good enough, and she can point to certain things in her life that just seem to prove it. Though she knows her therapist would say otherwise, she still can’t help the feeling. 

“Why are you saying that?” Jordan yells back. “So many people love you!” 

“Lots of people don’t want to talk to me!” She shouts, and Jordan, despite her tipsy state, can see the pain in Tessa’s eyes. 

“That’s not true!” Jordan yells back. She takes Tessa’s face in her hands. “Everyone loves you!” She presses an exaggerated kiss to Tessa’s forehead. “Who doesn’t want to talk to you?!” She asks Tessa loudly as she pulls away. 

“Scott… daddy… Chris.” Tessa says, rocking back on her heels and feeling the room spin a bit.

Jordan stills and cocks her head sympathetically. “Oh, _fuck_ dad!” Jordan shouts. But another detail catches her attention before she can question Tessa further. “Wait, what?! You just met up with Scott and Chris is your boyfriend! They talk to you!” 

Tessa shrugs, regretting having brought this up. This is a hard enough conversation to navigate sober, let alone when the room is all blurry and the music is making her ears throb. She doesn’t want to end up a drunk crying mess on the sticky floor, so she reels herself back in. _That was stupid, Tess. Don’t do this to yourself now._ She thinks.  “Let’s do one more shot!” She says instead of responding to the topic. 

Jordan flings an arm around Tessa’s shoulder and kisses her temple. “You’re an _amazing_ person!” She shouts in Tessa’s ear before pulling her back to the bar. 

Tessa's not too sure. 


	3. Surprise

When Saturday morning rolls around, Tessa finds herself waking up in a mess of pillows and blankets in one of her guest bedrooms of her house with her hair in her mouth and her clothes from the previous night still on.  “Oh.” She sighs as she pushes her hair out of her face and sits up. “Fuck.” The room is spinning and she wishes the sunlight wasn’t shining in so brightly.  “Oh!” She says, a bit louder, as she feels her stomach flip.  She rushes to the bathroom and crashes down on her knees over the toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach, which turn out to mostly be liquid.  She quickly brushes her teeth and makes herself some eggs on toast to put something in her stomach before the competition. 

Tessa thinks of dressing up, but she figures she’d be harder to recognise in more relaxed clothing. Plus, she can’t bear the thought of jeans and heels right now.  She slips into a pair of black athletic leggings with black trainers, a white turtleneck sweater and an olive green coat. 

She arrives twenty minutes before the start of the competition and wanders into the girl’s locker room to see if she can find Avery and Ruby to wish them luck before they go on. 

“Ms. Virtue!” Avery yelps when she sees Tessa, rushing to her with outstretched arms. 

Tessa winces at the loud noise, but smiles widely and leans down to wrap the girl into a hug.  “Oh, you look so good!” Tessa exclaims as she steps back, holding Avery by her shoulders so she can look her over. 

Avery does a little dance, overjoyed that her idol is here to watch her skate.

“And Ruby, you look amazing too!” Tessa goes on as Ruby rounds the corner of the locker room to see them. 

Her face lights up when she sees Tessa. “Thanks!” She said, fiddling with her hands. 

Avery dances about, too amped up to stop talking, “I’m up third. You should sit to the right of the scoreboard because that’s where the best lift happens and I want you to have the best seat. Oh! Or maybe you’ll stand with coach Scott?” 

Tessa feels her face redden. She isn’t sure. “I’ll have to see what spot has the better view.” She winks at Avery who beams. 

She twirls around in her flowing green and gold dress before slipping into her sneakers. “I have to go warm up but thanks for coming, Ms. Virtue!” Avery waves vehemently as she backs out of the door. 

Tessa giggles before turning to Ruby. “How’re you doing?” She asks the little girl who’s sitting on the wooden bench in front of the lockers tying her skates on. 

Ruby shrugs. 

Tessa takes a seat on the bench across from her. “It’s ok to feel nervous.” Tessa tells her. “I was always nervous before a competition.” 

Ruby looks up from her skates and Tessa crosses her legs. “Sometimes I’d be so nervous I could hardly think.” Tessa says. 

Ruby watches her, completely enthralled. She can’t believe _the_ Tessa Virtue had been nervous. 

“What did you do?” Ruby asks, squeezing her hands together. 

“It took me a while to figure out what worked for me.” Tessa says, “but I used to really focus on my breathing, keeping it calm. And I’d listen to music. I’d make playlists that fit my character and just try to get into that headspace.” 

She smiles as she thinks about it, leaving out the gory details of those times she’d been unsuccessful at quelling her nerves and had thrown up or cried.  “Scott would help me, too. He’d tell me jokes or talk about what we were going to do after the competition. It made me feel better that no matter what the outcome, we’d still be going out to dinner, or to an arcade.” Tessa pauses for a moment. “And I knew he’d still be proud to be my partner.” 

Ruby clings to Tessa’s every word. 

“Scott and I got into a habit of grounding ourselves just before the performance. We’d hug, and he’d breathe with me and that was like… that was game. That was it, we were there we’d done the training and we knew we were ready. It was just us out there. That helped me a lot.” She says, nodding.  Tessa realises she’s maybe been talking too much, and she feels badly that she’d gotten caught up in her memories. “I’m sorry.” She says, laughing uncomfortably. “I… that’s what worked for _me_. Those are just some ideas. Maybe I could help you find something that would work for _you_.” 

Ruby didn’t feel like Tessa was rambling at all. “Thank you.” She says sweetly. “I would really like that. I’ll try the breathing today. I think that might help me.” 

Tessa nods. “And maybe you could talk to Tyson, tell him about how you’re feeling. Do you think he could help?” She asks. 

Ruby nods again. “Probably. He’s pretty goofy.” She giggles. 

Tessa smiles at that, glad she’d gotten the girl to loosen up a bit. “I could tell.” Tessa nods back, giggling along with Ruby. “A real class clown, just like Scott. I feel your pain.”

Ruby laughs.

“But sometimes there’s nothing better than someone who can make you laugh no matter what, is there?” Tessa says. 

Ruby nods in agreement before her phone buzzes loudly on the bench beside her.  “That’s Tyson.” She says. “I’d better go meet up with him. Thank you, Ms. Virtue.”

“Of course.” Tessa says, smiling fondly as she watches the little girl hustle out to meet her partner.  Suddenly, Tessa realises her own phone is vibrating in her pocket.

“Chris?” She answers. 

“Hey, babe. What are you up to?” He asks.

“I’m at a competition - at a skating competition.” She clarifies. 

“Oh? Getting back to the roots?” 

“Something like that.” Tessa laughs as she makes her way out of the locker room.

“Where, in London?” Chris asks. 

“At an old rink, yeah.” Tessa tells him. 

“What’s the name of the rink?” He asks

“Oakridge.” Tessa says, hardly paying attention now that she's spotted Scott’s by the boards and he's smiling at her like they’re best friends. 

“Mh. How long you there for?” Chris asks

“Um. I’m not really sure. Probably a few hours, why?”

“I was thinking we might pick up where we left off the other day.” Chris drawls suggestively.

Tessa's a bit distracted by Scott still as he waves her over to him. 

“Um. Ok, yeah.” She says, not fully connecting with what he’s saying. “I can call you later.”

Chris laughs. “Sounds good, babe.” And the line clicks.

Tessa holds her phone out in front of her to see if he had really hung up. She isn’t a fan of the not saying goodbye thing. Is that the new thing? Is she just getting old? She’s also slightly irked (ok maybe more than _slightly_ ) at him for virtually ignoring her on and off as he pleased, but she hadn’t wanted to get into it now.  She shakes the whole thing off, resolving to be in the moment and when she looks back up, Scott’s still smiling at her, waiting for her to join him. 

_Guess that settles where I’ll be standing._ She says to herself, making her way over to him. 

“Hey, hey!” Scott greets her goofily, pulling her into a side hug which she reciprocates. At least it’s better than an awkward wave.

“Hey.” She smiles. “I saw Ruby and Avery in the locker.”

“How’re they doing?”

“Avery seems cool as a cucumber but Ruby’s a little on edge. At least she’s not puking though.” Tessa mumbles the last part and Scott laughs as he remembers those times. 

“Yeah, I thought so too. I talked to Tyson about ways to calm themselves down. More for Rube’s sake but you know.” He shrugs. 

Tessa nods. “Yeah, I told her some of the things that helped us.”

Scott smiles down at her remembering the way Tessa had leaned on him for a bit of relief from the nerves. He wonders if she ever feels like that anymore.  “Thanks.” He says. 

Tessa shrugs. “They’re good kids.”

Scott nods. 

Avery and Drew are amazing. Tessa feels proud to have worked with them just once. The stands are filled with cheers as they finished. Tessa notices Avery scanning the crowd and looking disappointed as they take their bows. She lets go of Drew’s hand and skates off quickly. 

Tessa turns to Scott.  “Is she ok?”

Scott gives Tessa a thin smile. “She doesn’t have the most attentive parents. I think she gets upset when they don’t come.” 

“Oh.” Tessa says. She hadn’t realised.

Scott rushes off to join his skaters for their scores. 

The fluorescent lights are starting to get to Tessa. Her hangover headache hasn't fully subsided. But she stays and watches a few more skaters. When Scott returns, he points out which ones attend his Wednesday class and Tessa’s impressed at the sheer number of kids he works with in one way or another.

When Ruby and Tyson are up, Tessa can see Scott gripping the boards so tightly his knuckles go white. She chuckles to herself, but can’t help feeling the nerves as well, knowing she’s affected their performance in some way.  But there’s no need for either of them to feel nervous; Ruby and Tyson skate beautifully. Tessa finds the pride she feels at their success to be quite a rush, and she can tell Scott is feeling the same way. 

“Hey, I’ll be right back, yeah?” Scott checks with her before he leaves to sit with his athletes. “You want to grab lunch after?” He asks. “I can give you a quick tour of the rink, too.” 

Tessa’s still, surprised, and then she just nods. Yeah, she really does want that.  She watches Scott embrace Tyson and Ruby and sit with them while they wait on scores. Tessa’s not the least bit surprised when they come away with first place. Avery and Drew place third.

Tessa’s busy clapping and watching how happy the five of them - Tyson, Ruby, Avery, Drew and Scott - look during the medal ceremony, when she feels hands on her shoulders.

“Hey you.” 

Tessa turns to see Chris. “Oh.” She says. It takes her a moment to process it, why he’d asked her the name of the rink. She hadn’t even bothered to question it. He’s come to _surprise_ her. She’s certainly surprised. 

“Oh?” He asks, his brows raising. “Is that all I get, oh?” 

Tessa shakes her head, trying her best to be excited. “Oh!” She corrects herself and pulls Chris into a hug. 

Scott glances at her from across the rink and looks away quickly. 

“I wanted to surprise you.” Chris says, stating the obvious. 

Tessa nods. “Yeah, I can see that.” She’s smiling now. She is glad to see him, but she knows they have to have a conversation about the whole ignoring thing.

Chris fills her in on what he’s been up to in Montreal and Tessa tries her hardest to listen, but she just can’t focus.  Then, Scott comes back over and she feels like she wants to run away and hide. 

“Hey, what’s up, man?” Chris greets Scott with a fist bump. “Got a good coaching gig, I hear.” 

Scott nods, looking at Tessa, who looks apologetically back at him. 

“I hear you’ve been pretty busy up in Montreal.” He says. 

Chris starts back up about what he’d just told Tessa, and Scott listens graciously, complimenting him where appropriate. 

“Listen, though, we know you’re busy with those kids and we don’t want to keep you.” Chris slings an arm around Tessa shoulder. “It was good to see you though, man.” 

Tessa slips out from under his arm. “Scott and I actually had plans for lunch.” She says. 

Chris stares at her for a moment and Tessa stares right back. She’s upset. She doesn’t like that he’d just swooped back into her life and made a unilateral decision for them to leave. 

It’s Scott that breaks the uncomfortable silence. “Hey, no worries, I know you haven’t seen each other.” He says. “T, if you want you can come by on Monday and I can give you a tour. I’ll text you.” 

Tessa chews her lip but nods eventually. Will he really text her though? “Ok.” She says. “Um, I should say bye to the kids.” 

Tessa finds them over by the snack bar. Tyson’s got licorice sticking out of both sides of his mouth and Tessa thinks he’s pretending to be some kind of insect?  She huffs a laugh and shakes her head when she sees Avery roll her eyes and Ruby’s cheeks turn red with embarrassment. She’s familiar with that. Drew laughs.  Avery is the first to spot Tessa heading toward them and she runs over immediately and hugs her tightly. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming!” She says. Tessa hugs her back just as tightly. She wants to tell her she’s sorry Avery’s parents hadn’t been there to see how amazing she was, but that’s far too personal. 

“Oh, my pleasure!” Tessa says. “It was such an honour to watch you guys skate. I really can’t get over how talented you all are.” 

Ruby comes over and gives Tessa a hug as well. “I couldn’t have done that without you.” The girl says sincerely, and Tessa clutches a hand over her heart. 

“Ruby, you absolutely could have. That was all you out there, kiddo, you were fantastic.” Tessa says. 

“Will you come to another meet?” Ruby asks. “Maybe nationals if we make it?” 

Tessa smiles. “I will definitely come to nationals.” She says. Ruby hugs her again before returning to the snack bar.  Tessa says goodbye to Drew, congratulates him and he thanks her for her help, and then Tyson comes over and shakes her hand. 

_Such a gentleman._ Tessa thinks, giggling to herself. 

“Ruby’s never told me how nervous she gets,” he tells Tessa. “let alone that I could help her. I just want to tell you how grateful I am that you were able to help us like that.” He says. 

_Wow._ Tessa thinks. _Quite a turn from the licorice-insect boy of about five minutes ago._ Tessa repeats how glad she was she could watch them and they part ways. They really are great kids, she thinks to herself. 

She drives her own car back to her house, where Chris meets her. He carries a duffel bag into her house.  _Guess he’s planning on staying a while._ She thinks. 

He plops the bag down on the ground as soon as she closes the door and his hands fly to her face, cupping her cheeks and pressing their lips together.  She kisses him for a moment but then pushes at his chest. “Chris.” She says when they break apart. 

“What?” He asks, confused. 

“We’ve barely spoken in two months.” She say, deciding to just dive right in. “You never return my texts and hardly ever answer when I call.” 

“Yeah well, I thought that’s kind of how this worked.” He says. 

Tessa looks confused now. “What do you mean?” She asks. 

He shrugs. “Like, ok, yeah, we were talking more at the beginning but I thought we kind of agreed we aren’t those people.” 

“We aren't the kind of people who talk?” She asks. 

“No, like, we’re not really _into_ relationships. Or - that’s what I thought you wanted.” 

Tessa feels like she’s been slapped across the face. And then she feels guilty for being upset because as soon as she’d started traveling, she’d stopped taking Chris seriously. It had been a relief, really, to be away from him, to be away from obligations with him and away from his _  
I love you’s_ and his hands that liked to touch her all over.  She just had a hard time letting herself have any of those things. She knows it's fucked up, maybe leftover trauma from the guys she’d dated that weren’t the best to her. Maybe it was her aimlessness, her restlessness. She just couldn’t ever seem to settle down, but now suddenly she thinks that’s exactly what she wants to do. She wants something to tether herself to. 

“I didn’t want that.” She says softly. 

“Oh.” Chris says, shuffling uncomfortably. “Tess, I’m sorry.” He says. “Jesus.” He covers his face with his hands. “Babe, let me start over, ok? I want to be with you, I really do. If you want a real relationship, we can do that.”

Tessa eyes him skeptically. 

“Tess.” He grips her shoulders again. 

She wishes he wouldn’t. She doesn’t like that very much - not when he does it. 

“Tessa, I love you. I’m so glad to see you. Can we just… try this out?” 

Tessa sighs deeply. “Ok.” She concedes. She really did love him when they’d first started seeing each other. She thinks he deserves another chance. It is partially her fault anyway, isn’t it?

“Come here.” Chris says and wraps her in his arms. 

* * *

Tessa spends plenty of time with Chris over the weekend. He’s lined up a lot of different things for them to do to spend time together, and it’s nice, but Tessa is most looking forward to going back to the rink on Monday. 

Scott had texted her to meet him after practice, but she arrives earlier, hoping to see the kids again.  She sits up in the bleachers this time and just watches quietly until she sees Avery struggling in a lift.  When she shows up by the boards, she can tell how surprised Scott is to see her and she hopes she’s not unwelcome. 

“Tess to the rescue!” Scott laughs, skating over to her. “Whaddaya got for us, T?” He asks, knowing she’ll have some input on the situation. 

Tessa smiles. He doesn’t seem upset that she’s there early, and the kids are all excited to see her as well.  She ends up on the ice in her trainers, Scott standing sturdily beside her in case she slips. She shows Avery a different way to hold onto Drew, and it takes a few tries, but it looks much safer. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, she does it again.” Scott laughs, clapping Tessa on the back and immediately grabbing her waist to sturdy her when she wobbles a bit. 

“Oops.” Scott says sheepishly. He offers her his arm and, even though she doesn’t need it, she takes it. They stand like that - arm in arm - for the remainder of practice, and Scott helps her off the ice. 

“Tessa!” Avery shouts as she’s being pulled out of the rink by a little girl. “Come to our fundraiser Saturday!” 

Tessa doesn’t have enough time to answer before Avery’s gone.  She hears Scott laugh behind her and turns to him. 

“Fundraiser?”

Scott shrugs. “Yeah, it’s just a little fair kind of deal to raise money for travel expenses.” He says. “It’s probably going to be pretty lame, don’t worry about it.” 

“No, I would really like to come… I mean… I don’t want to intrude, but -“ 

“Tess, you’re not intruding on anything. Of course you’re welcome, we’d love to have you there.” 

Tessa smiles, glad she has another excuse to come back to the rink and see the kids… and Scott. 

“So,” Scott says, “Let me give you the official tour.” 

He places an arm on her shoulder. It feels nice when he does it. 


	4. Monday, then

Tessa ends up going to the rink again that Thursday. Scott’s asked her to come help him with a bit of choreography, and afterward, he invites her out for a drink. Tessa agrees, texting Chris to tell him she won’t be home for dinner.  The conversation flows far more easily between the two of them this time, and Tessa and Scott find themselves joking and laughing almost like old times again. 

“So, did you end up getting Derek back?” Tessa asks, making sure not to mention Ava’s actual name. 

Scott takes a swig of beer. “You know, I didn’t.” He says, disappointed. “It’s fucked up, but what can I do? She probably threw him out.” 

“Oh, Scott.” Tessa laments. “I’m so sorry.” 

He shrugs. “It is what is, right? Anyway,” He says, hoping to change the subject before he gets too bogged down in the endless drama that is his ex, he asks, “How’s Chris liking being in Toronto?” 

Tessa stiffens slightly at the mention of his name, but says, “He’s finding it alright, I think. He gets restless, though. I think he just wants to get away to his next shoot. All he really seems to do now is wait for me to get home and I think that makes him grumpy.” 

Scott winces a bit. He doesn’t like the sound of that, but he’s resigned himself to staying quiet about personal matters. “Ehh, don’t worry about it too much. You’re worth the wait, T.” He says, and it doesn’t address the problem she’s brought up, but it makes her blush, and he means it. 

He walks her to her car afterward and they stand there waiting to say goodbye when Scott blurts, “I need to tell you I’m sorry.” 

Tessa stares at him wide-eyed. 

“Why won’t you let me?” He asks. 

Tessa bites her lip. “It’s too hard.” She says. “I don’t want to - I mean if you just don’t want to be friends anymore, it’s ok. I just don’t need you to explain it. It’s too hard.

“Tessa.” He reaches out and runs a hand down her forearm which makes her shiver. “Of course I want to be friends. Look, T, it was just too hard when we split. I couldn’t deal with the whole being near you but not being _with_ you. And that was on me. It was fucked up and instead of talking about it I just avoided the problem by trying not to think about you… and that was a lot easier when I didn’t have to _talk_ to you.” Scott hangs his head shamefully. “And I know at the very least I should have just told you that. You deserved that much at the least, T. I was such an asshole about the whole thing. I’m so sorry.” 

“Oh.” Tessa says. She’s feels like she’s been saying that a lot lately. “Yeah, yes. You should have told me. That really hurt me, Scott. You have no idea how much that hurt me.”

Scott scratches the back of his head. “I never wanted to hurt you, Tess.” Is all he can say. He’s looking down at his shoes. 

Tessa thinks about his response. She’d hurt him first. She wasn’t innocent in all this. 

“I understand if you don’t want to accept the apology. God, Tess, I really do understand.” He says. “But I had to offer it anyway. You deserve it.” 

Tessa sighs and reaches out, gripping Scott’s forearm until he looks up at her. And then wordlessly, she pulls him into a hug.  Scott presses his face into her shoulder like he’s done countless time before and lets out a deep breath. 

“I forgive you.” She tells him. “And I’m sorry too.” She says. “For hurting you.” 

She can feel Scott shake his head against her.  “You didn’t do anything wrong, T.” He says. “It wasn’t what you wanted, that’s all. It’s ok, I understand that too. You deserve to be with someone who makes you really happy, and it’s not my place to judge your happiness, either. I shouldn’t have been so hard on the guys you dated. I’m sorry for that too.” 

Tessa hugs Scott tighter. “Thank you.” She says softly.

Scott nods, runs his hands up and down her back to warm her because he can feel her starting to shake from the cold. " Hey, let’s get you out of here before you freeze to death, eh?” He says, pulling back with a smile on his face. “I’ll see you Saturday, kiddo.” 

_Kiddo._ It’s enough to warm her up on the spot.

“Yeah.” She breathes, her breath materialising into a fog in front of her from the cold. 

* * *

“Uh oh.” Chris says as he climbs into bed next to her that night. “I know that face.” 

Tessa glances over at him. 

“That’s your thinkin’ face.” He says. “What dangerous ideas are rolling around in there?” He asks, pressing a finger to her temple. 

She scoffs and shakes her head. 

“You know…” He says, “I’ve got a couple dangerous ideas of my own.” He drops down on his elbow so he can move his lips to her neck. 

Tessa giggles but leans away. Chris doesn’t seem too bothered by it, but he moves closer, his hand moving under the covers to caress her thigh. “Your mum called tonight while you were out.” He says. 

“Wait.” Tessa stiffens, “You answered my phone?” 

Chris shrugs. “Thought I should see who’s calling you so late, make sure it isn’t a secret boyfriend or something.” 

He’s joking but Tessa doesn’t find it funny. “Chris, you don’t live here, you can’t just answer my phone.” She says. 

His hand stills on her thigh and he looks at her like he’s trying to figure out if she’s being serious, before finally saying, “Well, anyway, she invited us to lunch on Saturday and I said we’d go.”

“You… I…” Tessa was furious that he was making all of these decisions for her and putting himself where she hadn’t invited him. She wasn’t _ready_ for that yet. They weren’t _there_ yet. And then there was the fundraiser she’s already agreed to go to on Saturday.  “I can’t go.” She says simply. 

“Oh.” Chris says. “Why not?” He takes his hand back from her thigh. 

“I have a um… work thing.” She says. “I’m sorry.” And then she scolds herself internally both for lying and for apologising. She could have told him the truth, she supposes, but how would it sound saying _I agreed to go to a fundraiser run by my ex-skating partner who hasn’t spoken to me in a good year, and I feel that that’s more important than introducing you to my mother over lunch._?

Tessa thinks it probably wouldn’t sound very nice. The lie was to protect his feelings. They could have lunch with her mother any other time, but the fundraiser was only happening _this_ weekend and she’d already committed to go. Plus, she thinks the thought of being around Scott and the kids sounds a lot more fun than navigating the conversation of she and Chris’s eccentric relationship in front of her mother. 

Chris looks disappointed, so Tessa adds, “But another time. She’d really love that.” 

“Alright.” He says, and he’s silent for a while before pushing himself further against her. “But I’d like to redeem my raincheck in the form of a kiss, and maybe a little more.” 

Tessa’s immediate reaction is that she really isn't in the mood, but she feels so badly about it she doesn’t resist. She kisses him back, allows him to touch her, but she hardly feels anything at all. It’s not until he’s working his way down her body, his lips sucking at the skin of her lower abdomen, that she feels like there’s something seriously wrong. He starts to peel her underwear off, but her hand flies to his wrist.

“Stop.” She says.

He stills, looks up at her, confused. 

“Sorry.” She says, and then winces at her apology again. “I mean… I need - um, excuse me.”  She squirms her way out from beneath him and scampers into the bathroom.  Tessa braces herself on the sink, breathing heavily. 

“Tess?” She hears Chris outside the door and she presses the lock so he can’t get in. 

“I need a minute, please!” She yells through the door, and it sounds harsher than she’d meant it. This isn’t Chris’s fault. She’s just… confused. She doesn’t want him to touch her and she can’t _think_. She can’t think about it right now, she just needs to breathe and - 

“Hey, Tessa?” Chris says through the door. 

Tessa doesn't answer, just presses her back against the door and sinks down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her face in her hands. She can’t breathe.  She thinks of Scott. He’d remind her to take square breaths - 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 3, 2, 1. She can almost hear him counting, breathing with her, and she begins to follow along, blocking out everything around her. It’s calming, to think about him counting with her. She can nearly feel his heartbeat slowing and syncing with hers, and it makes her feel safe. She takes a few more breaths, staying there until she feels like she’s going to be ok.  _Good work, kiddo._ She pictures him saying to her with a smile, and she smiles back.  She’s ok. She’s ok. She’s ok.  She gets up, smooths out her night dress, and opens the door to find Chris sitting on the edge of the bed.

“You good?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” She says. “Just got my period.” 

* * *

The fundraiser is bigger than Tessa had thought it would be. There must be hundreds of people here, milling about in the parking lot in front of the rink. They’re lucky the day is warmer than usual for October, and Tessa’s comfortable in a light jacket. There’s all kinds of fun things to do from face painting, to balloon animals to those silly inflatable obstacle courses and bounce houses. Tessa thinks she’d be having a ball if she were a kid.  For the adults, there’s a bar, and that works just as well for adult Tessa.

Her phone buzzes while having a glass of wine. 

** Scott: Hey, u here?  **

** Tessa: At the bar **

** Scott: 1 sex **

** Scott: **sec sorry big fingers **

** Scott: That sounded weird too. I’ll be right there **

Tessa laughs and a moment later Scott shows up, his face red.  “I need to get a bigger phone.” He says. “The keys are just so tiny and close together. It’s a losing game, really.”

Tessa feels so _light_ as she stands at the bar with him, laughing freely and enjoying the day and the comfort of being back with an old friend. 

“No Chris?” Scott asks after a while.

Tessa’s finished her wine and she feels like ordering another at the mention of his name.  She shakes her head. “No Chris.” She doesn’t want to elaborate, and Scott gets the message. 

“Hey, well as long as he’s not here, I need a partner for the three legged race. You in?” 

Tessa’s eyes light up and she nods. Fuck, it’s been so long since she’s had to compete for anything. 

Scott laughs “Reel it in, kiddo.” He says, grinning. “We’re competing against kids, remember. Plus, we’re probably out of practice seeing as we haven’t triple-legged anything in oh, twenty-five years?” 

Tessa smiles. She remembers back when they’d just been paired as partners and their teacher had made the whole class participate in a three legged race as part of a trust building exercise. Tessa hadn’t done well at first, but given some time to practice and some patience from Scott (who was a bit tall for her at the time), they became unbeatable. 

“I’ll try not to be _too_ good.” She says. “You better be ready for it though, Moir, I don’t want to have to carry the team.” 

Scott smirks and shakes his head. “Oh, I’ve missed competitive Tess. You’re really terrifying, you know that?” He jokes. 

Tessa shrugs “You don’t win five Olympic medals without liking a bit of friendly competition.” She says, and she feels herself truly excited for the first time in a long time. This is _fun._

Tessa finally greets the kids toward the end of the fundraiser, after buying as many raffle tickets as feels fair and then just donating an extra three hundred for expenses anyway. The race is about to go off. There must be thirty couples lined up on the field behind the rink. It’s muddy from the rain, and the ground is squishy underfoot.  It’s funny seeing the kids in everyday clothes. They look like little grownups and Tessa finds it very sweet… until they start trash talking. 

“Coach Scott, you’re going down!” Avery shouts to Scott, who’s busy tying his leg to Tessa’s. Drew throws his head back and laughs. 

Scott looks up. “Yeah, we’ll see about that.” He says calmly.

“Tessa’s about to be _dragging_ you to the finish.” Tyson laughs from beside Tessa. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Scott says. “I hope you know how to take a loss, kid, ‘cause you might be first on the ice but we’re about to smoke you.”  Scott stands up and they’re connected at the leg now, standing so close Tessa can feel the warmth coming off him. She likes it.  “You good?” He asks as he wraps an arm around her back. She does the same to stabilize them and nods. 

“Let’s do it.” She says. 

One of the other coaches waves a yellow flag and the couples are off. Avery and Drew have a quick spill early on which almost immediately takes them out of the running. Couples all down the line are stumbling around, trying to figure out how to move with each other, but not Scott and Tessa. It’s like riding a bike, they remember exactly how to move. 

Scott talks to her almost the whole time, just like when they’d been skating. “We got this.” He’d say, or “Let’s go, kiddo.”  Tessa finds herself greatly enjoying the feel of Scott’s hand on her back, his weight against her, the ease with which their bodies have fallen back into step. It feels so natural.  They reach the finish smoothly and quickly, followed by Ruby and Tyson about twenty seconds after.  Scott squeezes her tight in a side hug, the best he can manage from this angle and gives her a peck on the side of her head. “Still got it.” He says softly, victoriously, and Tessa beams.  Everything is perfect until Tyson and Avery come bombing toward them, unable to control their movements. 

“Coach Scott, look out!” Avery shouts, but it’s too late. By the time Scott turns around, Avery and Drew have fallen into Scott and Tessa and both couples are knocked to the ground straight into the mud. 

Scott groans and Avery and Drew immediately start apologising. “Oh, oh my God, I’m so so sorry are you alright?” She hears Avery asking. They struggle to untie their legs. 

Scott pushes himself up. “Tess, are you ok?” He asks. 

Tessa can feel the crowd around them staring. Normally, she’d _hate_ it, but she actually finds the whole situation rather hilarious, and she can’t help it, she just breaks out laughing, a real, true, deep laugh that she can’t control. She hasn’t laughed like that in a very long time, and it’s so infectious that Scott starts laughing as well, and pretty soon Drew and Avery join in. 

While Scott, still covered in mud and grass from the race, gives a final speech to thank everyone coming, Avery makes her way over to Tessa in the crowd.  “Tessa, I’m so sorry we got you all muddy.” She says. Tessa can tell that she’s still distraught about it, despite the good laugh they had.

Tessa waves it off. “Really, Avery it’s not a big deal. Clothes can be washed.” She smiles at the girl. “Plus, that was the most fun I’ve had in a long time.” She's not kidding.

Avery smiles. “Thanks for coming.” She says. 

“Thanks for inviting me.” She smiles, wrapping her arm around the girl and giving her a squeeze. 

Tessa helps Scott clean up afterward, along with the athletes and a few coaches and parents. Tessa finds that the parents like talking to her, find it refreshing to have a female skater at the rink their kids can look to - all the coaches are male. Tessa shifts uncomfortably when she has to inform them that she’s only been coming in to help for little things, and they seem disappointed. She meets Ruby’s mom, Alex, who thanks her endlessly and tells her how much Ruby looks up to her. 

“I swear,” Alex says, “the days you came to the rink, she didn’t stop talking about you all night.” Tessa smiles. _That’s sweet._ She thinks, and smiles back. She’s become quite fond of the all of the kids, but especially the girls, who she can’t help but relate to.

After Scott and Tessa see the parents off, Tessa realises she can’t go back home to Chris covered in dirt or he’ll know she definitely wasn’t at a work engagement. 

“You have laundry in the rink, don’t you?” She asks Scott. 

* * *

Tessa leaves her clothes outside the locker room door. Scott was kind enough to offer to wash her clothes without asking many questions. She’s using the tiny locker room just meant for the coaches. There are two showers, and she can tell which one is Scotts.  Tessa steps into the grimy shower, Scott’s far-too-large sandals, which he’s leant her (because there’s _no way_ she’s showering barefoot in a locker room) on her feet.  She turns the water on, the faucet making a squeak and then an ominous banging as the water begins to trickle from the shower head. It turns into a nice spray moments later. Tessa turns the heat nearly all the way up. It’s drafty in the locker room.

She takes stock of what she has around her; Scott’s shampoo, a two-in-one monstrosity that she immediately longs to replace for him.  A sponge, a bar of green soap that smells like him. Or - rather more likely, he smells like the soap. A men’s razor, blade side down on the porcelain soap dish cut into the wall of the shower. Tessa cringes at that. _The moisture strip will go all gooey like that. The blades will rust._ She flips it over for him and reaches for his shampoo as the mud begins to slough off of her. 

After she’s rinsed out her hair, she picks up his bar of soap. It’s slimy because he was keeping it in the wet soap dish. _He should really get a wire one._ She thinks to herself as she begins scrubbing with it.  The smell is comforting to her. She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. It feels like he’s right here with her. 

_What would that be like? What would he do?_

Tessa imagines him in the shower with her, rubbing her shoulders, kissing her neck. She can almost feel his cock, hard and pressing into her ass. They’ve never showered together. Baths, sure, but never showers.  She lets her head loll back into the stream of water and lets out a soft sigh as her right hand travels down between her thighs, where she finds herself slick, and not because of the water.  She imagines Scott pressing her up against the wall, the smooth cool of the tile against her skin stinging her nipples and making them hard. And then Scott’s tongue would be in her ear and his hand would be between her legs and-

“Hey Tess?” Scott shouts into the bathroom. He’d come to collect her clothes to put in the wash, but also wanted to ask her if she needed anything.

Tessa jumps, dropping the soap to the floor and nearly slipping, catching herself on the wall.  “Yea- What?” She calls back, flushing with embarrassment. Thank _God_ he can't see her face she’s sure she’s red as a tomato. 

“Do you need another bar of soap? I know that one’s kinda gross from sitting in there.” Scott offered. 

“Oh.” Tessa replies. _That’s thoughtful of him._ “N-No it’s ok, this one is fine. Thank you!” Tessa manages after a moment. 

“Alright!” Scott calls back over the thrumming of the shower. “Hey, I’m leaving some clothes here for when you get out!” 

Tessa hears the door close.  _Fuck. Really, Tess?_ She’s so embarrassed at herself. She’s no idea what’s gotten into her. She brushes her body off as if the lust she’s just entertained might’ve left little crumbs behind on her. Then, she quickly finishes her shower, and before stepping out, does a double take at Scott’s razor before reaching out and flipping it back over, blade side down again. That isn’t her decision to make. 

When she steps out to towel off, she notices the lotion he has on the shelf by the towel rack. It’s the lotion she’s been using for the last few years, lavender and lemon essential oils. No artificial fragrance, no EDTA, no phthalates. Tessa cares about all of those things, and she knows Scott doesn’t. Or at least he didn’t… 

She opens the door and finds the clothes he’s left for her - a pair of grey sweats and an old Maple Leaf’s sweatshirt.  She slips into them and pads her way down the hall to his office, wringing her hair out with his towel.  It’s nice to be wearing his clothes. 

Scott’s sitting on the leather sofa against the cinderblock wall of his office just under a little window. When looks up and catches a glimpse of Tessa, he feels his heart swell. He loves her in his clothes. He loves the way she looks in them - snuggly and soft, like he can provide for her, like he can protect her, like she’s _his,_ like she _wants_ to be his. He admits to being a bit territorial with her, a bit overprotective, perhaps, but he loves her. No matter what they are to each other, no matter if they’re fighting or just straight up not talking, he loves her. He always will and if anything ever happened to her he’d never forgive himself.

“Blue’s a good colour on you, T.” He says, smiling warmly. 

Tessa chuckles. “Yeah, a size smaller and I could wear it to an event I think.” She jokes, holding her arms out so Scott can see how the sleeves come down limp over her hands. He laughs and pushes away the sudden urge he has to hold her. 

“I like your lotion.” Tessa says and she watches Scott’s face go red. 

“Oh, yeah…” He says, flustered. “I figured… I wanted some good lotion just, you know for my feet, and I figured whatever you used was probably the best so…” The real reason is because it reminds him of her but he’s not about to tell her that.  “Anyway,” Scott says, changing the subject, “I just flash washed your clothes. They’re already in the dryer. Should be another half hour.

Tessa nods. “Ok, thank you, Scott.” She says his name delicately. 

“Course.” He says. “And uh, thank you. Thanks for spending time with the kids and for coming today. They love you.” 

Tessa blushes. “I love them, too, they’re really great kids.” 

“D’you want to sit?” Scott asks, motioning to the empty sofa beside him. 

Tessa nods and flip flops her way over to him. 

Scott looks down at her feet and laughs. “Duck feet, eh?”

Tessa shrugs. “Better than athlete’s foot.” 

“Can’t argue.” Scott says, leaning back against the sofa and kicking his feet up on the coffee table.  “Hey, can I ask you something?” Scott says, “and please know that your answer will in no way affect anything that happened these past couple of weeks.” Scott says. "I'm just really glad to have you around." 

Tessa feels her heart beat out of her chest. “Ok.” She says. What could he possibly want to ask?

“Would you be interested in coaching with me? I mean like, you’d have your own office and everything, it’s not like you’d have to shack up here with me.” He laughs nervously. “But you’re so good with the kids, Tess, and you’ve been incredibly helpful and I just thought, you know, you seem to enjoy it so… I don’t know, I thought I’d give it a shot and ask you.” 

Tessa sits there in stunned silence so long that Scott pulls at his collar and says, “I mean, I know you’re used to working with like elites but I think these kids can get there, I really do, and yeah, it’s not as glamorous as you’re used to but…”  He stops when he sees the smile on Tessa’s face. 

“I would _really_ love that, Scott.” She says. “Wow, thank you so much for considering me, I … I and no it’s not - I mean - it’s not like what I usually do, so there will probably be a learning curve with, you know, parents and all that…” 

“I’ll help you with whatever you need, T.” He says. 

“I think they can get there too.” She’s talking about the kids, and Scott beams. He _knew_ she’d see their potential. 

Scott lets out a deep breath that he immediately draws back in in a quick gasp because Tessa’s launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck so tightly all the air’s knocked out of him, but he thinks it might be the best feeling in the world. He laughs and hugs her back. “Glad you’re excited.” He says. 

* * *

When Tessa’s clothes are ready, Scott retrieves them for her, and when he returns, she's sitting at his desk, reading a copy of the book Patch had sent him, _The Art of Coaching_.

Scott watches her bemused for a few moments. He thinks he could watch her for hours so enthralled like that, her lovely green eyes darting back and forth across the page. Eventually, she senses him there and looks up and he just chuckles. "Getting a head start already eh, T? Why am I not surprised." He says. 

Tessa dog-ears the page she's reading and sets the book down before looking back up at Scott with surprise in her eyes. “Oh, gosh!” She exclaims. “I don’t know why I just did that, I’m sorry!” She opens the book back up and tries to smooth out the corner of the page. 

Scott just laughs. Only Tessa would apologise for folding the corner of a piece of paper. “You can keep it.” He says, waving his hand at her to signal that he doesn't mind. “You’ll probably get a lot more out of it than I will.” 

Tessa cocks her head. “No, Scott, it has some really good information in here.” 

Scott chuckles. “All the more reason you should take it.” He said, "Someone ought to learn about it so they can fill me in.” 

Tessa's about to protest again, so Scott says, “Well, I’m going to take a shower here instead of ruining my car with mud, so feel free to change here and uh… and I’ll see you… when do you want to start?” He laughs.

“Tomorrow.” Tessa says. 

Scott smiles so big the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkle. “Tomorrow’s Sunday, Tess.” He says. “No practice, but I like the enthuisiasm.” 

“Oh.” She laughs, too happy to be embarrassed. “Monday, then.” 

“Then I’ll see you Monday Coach T.” He sticks out his hand like they’re business partners - they are, she supposes - and she shakes it firmly.

Tessa leaves still feeling that light way she had earlier. She'd never really considered coaching full time like Scott, but she'd absolutely fallen in love with the way it felt to help those kids, and it just seemed so _right._ She finally feels purpose in her life and like she has something to really _give_. 

* * *

When Scott gets back to his office after his shower, he finds his sweats folded neatly on his desk, his copy of _The Art of Coaching_ placed delicately in the center of them, and right beside them there’s a tiny succulent with a note attached, 

_ I know I could never replace Derek, but I thought this little one might be able _

_ to bring you some joy, too. Let me know when you pick a name. _

_ -T _

* * *

Tessa’s feeling of _lightness_ doesn’t last for very long, though, because when she gets home, Chris holds his phone up in front of her face. “A work thing?” He says, furiously. It takes Tessa a moment to focus on the picture. Someone had tagged her on instagram in a photo from the fundraiser, all muddy and tied up to Scott’s leg, the two of them with their heads thrown back in joyous laughter. 


	5. Come As You Are

Tessa avoids Chris for most of the weekend. She doesn’t know what to do about him. She's agreed to try a more serious type of relationship with him but just doesn't see it working. She tried explaining to him about the fundraiser and coaching. He'd been confused, and perhaps rightfully so, as it's quite a deviation from the usual glitz and glamour that is her work, and this new desire has surprised her as much as it has Chris. But she's tired of feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. She wants to make more than base-level connections with people, and to do that, she can't be in a different place every two days. And she wants to help. She feels useful with those kids, like she's making a difference. She feels like she can protect and guide those girls around all the obstacles that she's smashed headlong into, and it finally has her feeling like she has some _purpose_ after skating. And it's not as if this is permanent. She's just doing this while she's needed, and she still has a foot in that other world - the one of photoshoots and sponsorships and various opulent galas. She doesn't have to give one up completely to have the other. They're not mutually exclusive. She'd explained all this to Chris and hoped, perhaps naïvely, that he might be happy for her. But he was bitter about it.

She loves him in her way - or she did before - when she needed someone to cling to and he was fun and free and as wanderlust as she. But now she knows she wants more. And because of this, because of this desire to - at least partially - work a job that doesn't have her elbow to elbow with celebrities and royalty and politicians and models, and doesn't have her jet-setting halfway across the world three nights a week, doesn't have her featured on talkshows or gameshows or wherever else she might have shown up before... Because she doesn't seem as exciting to him this way, she knows she's not who he wants. And likewise, because of all that, he’s not who she wants. And she also knows this not from all the (still mounting) evidence presenting itself right in front of her face, but from the way that light feeling she’d had when she’d been around Scott at the fundraiser had immediately and violently melted away as soon as she’d stepped back into her house that evening. She was on edge around Chris. She felt boxed in. 

He could be volatile, that’s for sure (He is an _artist_ , or so he claims. Tessa finds he goes where the money takes him and so there can only be so much room for true art, she knows, from the same way she’d been constrained in her younger years by the things her juvenile body could not yet do on the ice), and he claims this in an effort to pass his hostility off as _passion_. He's so _passionate_ about her, he'll say, that's why he gets so upset.  Tessa has seen his _passion_ invoked when she’s forgotten to fill the Keurig, when she burns the steak he’s bought them for dinner. He’s _passionate_ when she falls asleep in the middle of a movie he wanted her to watch, when her hair is left in the sink. 

She hides herself away during these episodes of _passion._ She’ll slip into the bathroom and have a bath with her headphones securely in her ears and the volume up loud enough to drown him out, she’ll steal out to the garden, sit out by the flowers and watch the bees, smiling at how driven they are, how sure they are of their purpose. She’ll sneak into the garage, even and read a book in her car. 

Now she knows staying with him is out of the question, so she breaks things off. She tells him it's not working for either of them - neither are happy, and she doesn't want to prolong the inevitable. She listens to him get mad at her. She's not a masochist, she hadn't just let him shout at her, she'd fight back some of the time when he'd yell, make him see when he was wrong. But she knows now that nothing she says will ever get through to him, because he has an idea of her in his head. He has a mould that he wants her to fit, and she's resisted for too long now.

It’s Monday night, and she wishes it could be a happier night than it is, since she’s just had such a lovely first day coaching, but Chris gets so upset with her that he begins shouting as he packs his bag. He's so angry that he's come from Montreal only to have her break up with him. 

She's crying, hurt by his pain and his anger and the memories they'd shared that are tainted with all of this bitterness. But it's the right thing to do. She tells herself that over and over as she watches him get into his Über and drive away. She decides a ride might do her well now too. She needs fresh air. She has no destination in mind, just the hope of losing herself, of being free, of seeking clarity.  She knows their relationship needed to end. She'd gone about it as best she could, but she still feels guilty. His _passionate_ ramblings had hurt her, but at the same time, she feels like maybe she deserved them. 

At her very core, Tessa knows she feels the agonising and persistent need to be not just good, but _perfect._ And perfection, as she’s been reminded by her mother and her sister, and by Scott, is unattainable because it doesn’t exist. But she begs to differ because you can get a “perfect” score from the judges. They’ve created a scale on which to judge perfection, and she’s devoted her life to the pursuit of it, as had Scott. They’d gotten perfect scores before, and Tessa had been thrilled in the moment. She’d felt invincible, but it was fleeting. Immediately the judgement would disappear, they’d be up against another panel of judges who’d score their dance differently, or they’d move differently, or someone wouldn’t like the way a certain thing looked. 

Sometimes she wonders if they danced their “perfect-score-dance” at another competition, if it would still receive a perfect score. She’d posed the question to Scott once, who’d told her, “Tess, there’s no such thing as perfect, stop thinking about it.” But she couldn’t stop. She thinks the answer is no. She thinks they would be scored differently even if every single thing down to the placement of each individual strand of hair on their heads was in the very same position. She thinks even then they would not score the same. And she knows the reason why, and it hurts her to admit it, but she knows it’s because her mother, her sister, and Scott are right - there’s no such thing as perfect. The system she likes to argue her point with is made up of subjectivity and preference and bias. There’s no such thing as perfect. So she has to settle for good, and when she can’t achieve that for some reason, she feels she deserves all the ramifications that come with it. 

Tessa’s always been a glutton for punishment. She’s always liked the way it feels to have her lungs burning and her muscles screaming and her head spinning and spinning and spinning until she can’t see straight. She likes to cast a large cataract over reality on occasion because she knows she doesn’t always like how it looks when it’s clear. 

She thinks she’s not good enough, but she’s not even sure what she wants to be good _at_ or who she wants to be good _for_ , so she tries to be good at everything and good for everybody. This doesn’t work, she’s seen, as over the course of her life, she’s allowed people - opportunists, she calls them secretly - (partly because she can’t bring herself to believe that they might have been _preying_ on her - that would mean she appears as prey, and she’ll never see herself as a victim - and partly because some of them she’s loved, and she finds it too painful to acknowledge that they’d intentionally hurt her) to take advantage of her.

Her therapist thinks it started when she was very young - her desire to be good. She thinks part of it might be genetic, even. It’s ironic then, that she thinks the first real blow to her psyche was when her father left. Her parents had fought and fought, and she remembers doing her best to tune all of it out, but sometimes she would cry. She couldn’t help it. Her father told her he loved her once when she was crying. And he’d said, “Be good for me. Don’t cry.”, and wiped her tears away. She remembers this with all the clarity she wishes for and all the clarity she doesn’t. And when she got older, when she was just barely a teenager, he’d left her. And she hardly ever saw him after that. She thinks she wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t good enough and that’s why he’d left. 

As an adult, she knows this is absurd. He’d left her mother because he’d found someone else. It wasn't pretty, but it wasn't uncommon. The thing that got to her though, was that he’d hardly bothered to spend time with her after that. His daughter, his baby girl. Sure, they would go golfing once in a while, but he'd never come to her competitions, had never seen her win all those awards and medals. And she thinks, even as an adult, that this is because she wasn’t good enough for him. 

When someone is mean to her, cruel, even, she thinks it’s her fault. She thinks she must be doing something wrong to make them behave that way. She thinks it’s because she’s not good enough, and as hard as she tries (and she tries harder than she cares to admit), she hardly ever feels like she's good enough - for her father, for all those girls who used to tease her, for Marina, for all her ex’s, for Chris. 

She thinks about listing Scott’s name as well, but she knows that’s not accurate. He’d not stopped talking to her because of anything she did or didn’t do. He’d not stopped talking to her for any fault of her own, he’d told her so. That’s what he’d said. It had been too hard. He’d wanted to be with her. She was good. To him, she was good. And to her mother and to her brothers and sister.

Tessa stops the car, and it’s like she’d been driving without even realising it. The realisation that she’d hardly processed the road in front of her makes her shudder. She feels that panic overtaking her again, feels like her throat is going to close up, feels like she really can’t breathe, and when she looks up and sees where her subconscious has taken her, she’s at the rink.

She’d been here just an hour or so earlier. She’d been so much better put together then. She hadn’t been on the verge of a panic attack, her boyfriend hadn’t shouted at her after she'd ended the relationship she'd agreed to give time, and she hadn’t felt the need to drive off in search of refuge.  But here she is, and she feels like she needs to get out of the car or she’s going to suffocate. But as soon as she does, she sees him - Scott. He’s coming out of the rink, must have stayed late doing paperwork or paying bills or something - maybe he just hates going home to an empty house as much as she does. She tries to turn her body, hopes he won't recognise her, but she hears his voice. He's _seen_ her for twenty five years, what made her think he wouldn't see her now?

“Tess? Tessa?” He’s moving toward her, his pace increasing with each moment she doesn’t answer him.  And then he’s there, right in front of her, and his hand goes to her back and she looks up into his eyes and doesn’t want to look away.

Scott helps her over to a bench in the parking lot, and they sit huddled together. He takes his coat off and drapes it over her shoulders as she’s shivering uncontrollably. He hugs her close to him and she tucks her head under his chin.  “Let’s breathe, yeah?” He says, and she nods calmly and listens to his breath, matching hers while counting in her head - 1, 2, 3, 4, 4, 3, 2, 1. Scott will breathe with her as long as she needs. He never makes her feel rushed and never gets exasperated. He never tells her there’s something wrong with her. He never yells at her for things she can’t control. 

Tessa holds tight to his shirt in the dim parking lot lit only by the streetlights overhead. 

“It’s ok.” Scott says, when he can tell her breathing’s returned to its normal rate. He runs his hand over her back. “You’re alright.” He tells her. “It’s alright.” 

They go back into the rink because Tessa gets far too cold, and they settle on the sofa in Scott’s office. Tessa smiles weakly as she sees his little succulent there on his desk. He'd thanked her for it that morning, pulled her into a hug and told her he loved it.

Scott sees her looking at it now. He was't going to tell her this. At the very least he was going to let _her_ be the one to bring it up, but now he wants to tell her. He wants her to know. "I named her Satine." He says. 

Tessa looks to him with wide green eyes. She feels like her heart is going to beat out of her chest. 

Scott looks away. He can't bare to look at her as he says it. He feels shy suddenly. "I mean some people might think Satine’s kind of a tragic character but um... I - I don't know, I guess the name just makes me think of... of something really beautiful." 

When he looks up at her finally she has tears in her eyes. "Oh, hey." He says, moving closer. "Tessa, it's ok." 

He sets a hand on the small of her back and Tessa feels like she can breathe again. She closes her eyes and feels a tear slip out, but before she can wipe it away she feels Scott's thumb on her cheek. It's not a romantic gesture, they're not romantic, it's just a soft caress of her cheek to wipe away her tears, just a gesture to let her know he's there with her, he cares, and that she's safe now. 

Scott listens intently as she tells him she and Chris broke up. She spares him the details, they'd only upset him, but he pulls her against him again, holding her tightly, sorry that she's ever felt pain. Scott's passion is different from Chris's. 

Scott tries to hide the fact that he's not at all disappointed she's left Chris. He  listens to her fears over not being good. He’s heard her talk like that before. He listens until she stops talking and then he says,  “Tess, you’re never going to feel good until you’re good enough for yourself.” 

Tessa rolls her eyes. “You sound just like my therapist.” 

Scott laughs. “I'm definitely not qualified to be a therapist. But I do know you pretty well, Virtch.” 

Scott’s always known Tessa has trouble with things like this. She’s always consumed by the need to please people, and she never seems to feel fulfilled. He hopes coaching can do it for her, he thinks it can be incredibly fulfilling, but he wishes there were something to help her _now._ He sighs and sits back against the cushions.  “Look, kiddo,” he says, “you’re never going to believe this, but you’re the kindest, most humble, most deserving person I’ve ever met.” 

Tessa goes to shake her head and Scott can feel her physically resisting the compliment. 

“I mean it.” He says, “But I know you’re still working on it and that’s ok.” He hangs his head. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to support you these past few years, but I promise as long as you want me, I’m here for support, ok? I'm here for anything that you need.”

Tessa’s taken aback by his kindness and the way he’s come to know her so intimately. She’d forgotten what that feels like since they’d been away from one another, but this is everything.

“Maybe I can show you something to cheer you up a bit?” He suggests.

Scott guides Tessa down the hallway a a little ways until they reach a small room, and he flicks the light on. 

Tessa gasps. 

“This is the reason I’m here so late, actually.” Scott says, chuckling to himself and squeezing her shoulder. “I actually started it on Saturday, right after you agreed to coach. I actually didn't ask if I could paint the walls so let's keep that between us for now." He laughs and then smiles at the absurdity of it. He'd been so excited and so desperate to make her impending presence at the rink tangible, that he'd cleared the room out (it had been used as storage) in about twenty minutes. "I care about you, T." He tells her. "A lot of people care about you, and you don’t always have to be good - whatever that means - because we love you no matter what.” 

The little room is about the same size as his office, with an identical window, but this one overlooks the marsh behind the rink rather than the parking lot. He’s recently painted the walls white - they still smell faintly of paint fumes, and he’s set a white wooden desk and a black sofa up with a nice white wooden coffee table. There are shelves mounted on the wall behind the desk, empty but for one book; _The Art Of Coaching_. 

“I thought I’d start your collection off with that one." He says when she sees the book. "Not that you need it, from what I've seen.” 

Tessa rushes into him, hugging him tightly, and he hugs her back.

“Thank you.” She whispers against his neck. 

“Of course.” He says.

“No, thank you, Scott. Thank you for everything, and thank you for understanding me.” 

Scott mulls over her statement. He doesn't always feel like he understands her. He hasn't always understood her actions or decisions, but he's always accepted them, mostly supported them. And then he realises that's what she means by understanding. _She's_ understood, not all her individual actions, but she's seen as a person who is trying her best to find her space in the world, and who makes mistakes and has fears and flaws. He doesn't ask her to be perfect. He doesn't even ask her to be good. He doesn't ask her to be anything, in fact, he just allows her to be Tessa. And he thinks there's nothing better. 

Scott rests his cheek against the crown of her head. “Thanks for being you, T.” He says softly. 


	6. After School Special

Tessa had gotten almost no sleep Monday or Tuesday nights. She'd been up thinking about Chris and what she was going to tell her mother and sister about him. She came into the rink in a zombie-like state on Wednesday, looking forward to a quiet practice focusing on balance with the girls, but instead, she was accosted by about fifteen young children clamouring by her with their skate bags, eager to get into the rink for practice. 

Tessa had completely forgotten about the full-group class Scott taught on Wednesdays.  She sees Scott smiling apologetically at her from the inner door of the rink. 

“Totally forgot about the little guys, eh, T?” 

Tessa chews her lip and nods. Young children make her nervous. They’re loud and unpredictable and she’s not really sure how to talk to them. 

“You don’t have to do this. I mean I can manage on my own if you want to sit Wednesdays out, I don’t mind.” Scott says.

But Tessa’s never backed down from a challenge, so she stays. 

They focus on agility drills for the first half of the class. Scott splits the group into two, sends half of the kids to Tessa, and they set cones on the ice for the purpose of dodging and hockey sticks for the purpose of jumping over.  Scott and Tessa model the motor pattern and watch as the children try their very best to approximate. 

In Tessa’s group, there are two boys around ten or maybe even twelve years of age. They’re quite a pair, the two of them, making faces at Tessa and trying to get her attention all the while she’s trying to watch the other children. 

Tessa’s a patient person, but the boys are pushing it. When she tells them they need to settle down, they only become wilder.  She looks over to Scott who’s busy holding the hand of a little girl about eight as she wobbles over the hockey sticks. Tessa lets out a deep breath. _I can do this._ She thinks. 

She mostly ignores the antics of the two boys, but the next activity, partner skating with someone other than your partner, has each of the boys fighting over dancing with Tessa.  Scott can see Tessa’s dismay, and he interrupts. “Woah, woah, guys, that’s no way to ask a lady to dance.” He says in a way that’s both directive and gentle. 

“May I?” He asks Tessa gently, holding out his hand as he’d done so many times before. Tessa looks him in the eye and feels that warm feeling, that safe feeling - it’s just the two of them. 

She takes his hand and smiles, gives him a little nod and it only jarred back to reality when Scott breaks their gaze to look back at the boys. 

“Sorry, guys.” He shrugs. “Looks like Tessa’s _my_ partner.” Tessa feels her heart flutter. They’d never been able to dance with anyone else anyhow. 

The boys grumble and go about finding another partner in a gentler manner. 

“Is this ok?” Scott asks when he takes her hand some moments later so they can show the kids how to stroke around the ice together. It’s different from the three legged race. The ice is sacred. He’s always going to ask. 

Tessa nods. “Of course.” She says. It’s the most natural thing in the world. She feels like she’s never left his side as they fall right back in sync. 

They take a fifteen minute break in the middle of their practice session, but Tessa and Scott have to be constantly vigilant with so many little humans and so many sharp blades around.  Scott is making the rounds to check on the kids by the bleachers when he hears those two little trouble makers, Jaxon and Bobby. 

“Yo!” He hears one of the boys exclaim. “She’s so hot.”

Scott assumes they’re talking about one of their classmates, and had heads over to lecture the boys on respect when he hears the other say,“Dude, she has a belly button ring!”

Scott bites his lip and _prays_ this is not going in a different direction. _Please don’t be talking about Tessa._ But as he looks over the boys’ shoulders, he sees pictures of Tessa pulled up on one of their phones. And fuck, she _is_ so hot.

What is it with parents these days giving their kids free rein to a computer in their pocket? Scott thinks to himself. When he and Tess were kids they hadn’t even had phones, and he thinks they’ve turned out alright. 

Regardless of what they’re allowed to look up on their little machines, Scott isn’t about to allow them to talk about Tessa or any other student that way. Scott had been taught that from a very young age. His mother had drilled it into his head, and he’s endlessly thankful for it. Tessa is his equal. Tessa is to be treated with respect, always. Tessa has things harder than he does - her body always on display, being judged literally and figuratively, picked apart or ogled. People will make comments - men will make comments - straight to her face. Scott had intervened more times than he could count.  He needs these boys to understand the same. Not just for Tess, but for all the little girls out there. It isn’t right. 

He clears his throat and the boys whip around to see him there, one of them nearly dropping his phone as he jolts up. 

“Uh. Coach Scott. Sorry, we were just playing a game.” One of them says.

Scott nods and takes a seat, motioning for them both to sit back down. The oblige. 

“Listen, guys.” Scott says, taking a deep breath and trying to think of what he would’ve said to himself. He’s certainly had lapses in judgement. There have been times where perhaps he didn’t respect Tessa as much as he should have. He realises that now and wants to make up for it.  “You’re going to meet a lot of pretty girls over the course of your ice dance careers. Whether they’re your partner or someone you see at the rink or maybe a girl at school or even a teacher or coach.”

The boys are flushed red, and Scott feels slightly bad at calling them out on what is a normal behaviour for two young men, but he can’t have them looking at pictures and talking like that in the middle of the arena.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling like that.” He clarifies. God only knows how often he’s found himself in that same position, sweating about that little silver bar he could feel beneath her clothes. “Girls make everything look a thousand times better, whether it’s a dance move or a jacket or even homework.” Scott smiles as he thinks back to the days where he’d been excited to do homework because it meant he’d get to see Tessa and her big brain in action.  “I just want to make sure that when you’re talking about them, you’re doing it with respect.”

The boys look up at him innocently and Scott inhales deeply. This is hard. 

“When I skated with Tessa for example,” he says, “I’d hear guys talking all the time about her body. They weren’t talking about how smart she is or how great an athlete she is. They were talking about her body. Do you understand what that makes a person feel like?” He asks. 

They boys nod. 

“Like they’re only worth their looks.” Scott clarifies anyway. “Nobody should feel that way.”

“The girls.” Scott looks out at the ice, “they do a lot of work don’t they?”  The boys nod. “Just as much as us, eh?” They nodded again. 

“Imagine how they feel when, after a dance all they hear about is how they look, not how well they danced. How their dress wasn’t the right colour or how their bodies aren’t the right shape. Maybe even that they look too strong.” 

“ _Too_ strong!” One of the boys balks. 

Scott nods. “It’s ridiculous, right?”

The boys both agree. “So it’s up to us”, Scott continues, “the other fifty-percent of the team, the ones who are lucky enough that that doesn’t happen to us as often, the only others who understand how much work we put in every day, to remind them of how amazing they are, and we do that by talking about their skills as dancers, skaters, or as people, not by talking about their bodies, because trust me, they hear enough about all that.”

The boys are captivated by Scott, the way he’s sharing this with them. They’re sure it’s important information, especially coming from Coach Scott, and they both nod and agree with him. 

“Alright.” Scott says. “Good men.” He claps them each on the shoulder. 

“Coach Scott?” The younger of the boys, James, stands. 

“What’s up, pal?” Scott asks. 

“Can we still tell them they look pretty? Gigi really likes that.” 

Scott chuckles and nods. “That’s a good idea. The key word is respect, right? Give it and get it.”

The boys agree and scamper off, chittering to each other.

“Wow, Moir.” He hears Tessa’s light voice and turns to see her standing behind him with her arms crossed. His face colours a deep shade of red. 

“I’m impressed.” She says. “That was full on after-school-special quality stuff right there.” 

Tessa’s endlessly glad Scott’s said something to the two little rascals as she’d have been far too embarrassed and questionably equipped to do so. 

“Uh, yeah.” Scott shrugs. “Comes with the territory, I guess. That wasn’t even close to the worst of it, believe it or not.” He says. 

“Oh no?” She asks, bemused. 

“You should’ve been here last month for the unwanted boner conversation.” He says quietly. 

Tessa snorts a laugh. “You certainly have your fair share of experience in that area.” She teases. 

Scott’s ears turn red. “Yeah well… You didn’t exactly make it easy for me as I recall.” 

Tessa chuckles as she remembers those days. 

The next drill has the skating backward to one end of the rink. Halfway through, one of the little girls in Tessa’s group falls forward and catches herself on her hands. 

“Oh!” Tessa jumps to action and skates right to her, lifting her to her feet. She’s so little, no older than six, Tessa thinks, and she’s crying now, her hands bloody from the roughened ice. 

“Oh, sweetheart, it’s alright.” She sort of strokes the girl’s hair, unsure what to do. 

Scott races over and lifts the girl up into his arms. “Hey, hey, little KitKat, you’re ok.” He balances the girl on her hip, and all Tessa can do is watch in awe as he calms her, telling her little jokes to make her smile.  “T?” He asks, and she perks up. “D’you think you could take Kat to the aid station and bandage her hand up? Unless you want to supervise the group. 

_Oh God_. Tessa thinks. _I shouldn’t be alone in either of these situations._ She decides to take the one that involves less tiny, unpredictable humans. 

She holds Kat’s little hand in hers and tries to think of something to say to the little girl. It’s easier with the older kids, they talk to her and she responds, but this little one is quiet… kind of like she was, come to think of it. 

She thinks about the way Scott had come by, lifted her into his arms and quelled her tears, and embarrassedly, she thinks to herself, _He does the same for me, too._

She guides the girl to the block of offices in the back hall and into the little aid room that the athletic trainers use when there’s a competition or a game.  The girl, apparently knowing the drill, lifts her arms up in anticipation of being lifted herself, up into the little padded table.  Tessa lifts her, sets her gently on the table. 

“Let me see your hand, sweetie.” She says. 

The girl offers her an open hand. It’s not so bad, Tessa thinks. Just a scratch.  But upon seeing the blood, the girl gets upset again and starts to cry. 

“Oh, oh honey, no it’s ok, it’s alright.” Tessa says as she scrambles to grab paper towels and clean the blood from the girl’s hand to show her it’s not as bad as it looks.  “See?” She says as she shows the girl her cleaned hand. 

The girl calms a bit, sniffling. “It’s alright.” Tessa says, thanking her lucky stars that that worked.  “Not bad at all.” Tessa says. “Now, let’s bandage you up here, like a proper skater, eh?” She holds up two boxes of bandages from the cupboard; ice skates and princesses. The girl chooses the ice skates. 

“Oh. Good choice.” Tessa says. 

The girl whimpers again and reaches up for Tessa. 

“You want to get down?” Tessa asks, and the girl shakes her head and reaches her arms up and around Tessa’s neck for a hug.  “Oh.” Tessa says softly, quickly returning the girl’s hug.  “It’s alright, Kat.” She says. 

“Hey, you know what made me feel better when I got hurt skating?” Tessa says.

The girl is still so Tessa continues. “When I was a lot older than you, I still cut my hands all over the place.” Tessa tells her. “I cut them on my blades and on the ice and on Scott’s blades and sometimes even on the little pins on my costumes they use for fittings, so I know how you feel.” 

The girl releases Tessa and looks up at her.

Tessa nods. “I know it hurts, huh?” 

The girl nods. 

“Well, what made me feel better after all that was o ne suuuuper fast lap around the rink with a few twirls for good measure. What do you think?” 

Kat’s eyes light up and she nods.  Tessa carries the little girl back out onto the ice where Scott and the children are balancing on one leg. 

“All good?” Scott asks when he sees the two of them. He has to confess it does a funny thing to him to see Tessa carrying that little girl. 

“Yep.” Tessa answers brightly. “But the doctor calls for-“

“Super fast lap!” Kat sing excitedly. It’s the first time she’s spoken and it catches Tessa off guard and warms her heart. 

Scott laughs. “Well of course, that is the standard treatment if I recall.” He winks at Tessa and she beams before skating off with a giggling Kat in her arms. She makes sure to do a few (safe) twirls before setting the thrilled girl back to the ice. Kat claps and does an excited little hop. 

After open practice with the younger kids (which was much more subdued after Scott’s conversation with Jaxon and Bobby), Tessa collapses on the sofa in Scott’s office.

“Oh my God.” She sighs, exhausted. 

Scott ignored the fact that her voice, all breathy like that, still gives him goosebumps.  “You were a trooper, kiddo.” He says, smiling at her. “That wasn’t exactly the easiest way to break you in. 

Tessa smiles. She’s glad that it isn’t normally harder than that because she doesn’t know if she could handle it. 

“You looked good out there.” Scott says from his desk chair. “It was good to see you twirling all around like that again, Tutu.” 

The nickname hits Tessa right in the chest, knocks all the air out of her. 

“You used to twirl circles around me all the damn time.” Scott laughs, and then adds somewhat sheepishly, “You don’t miss a beat. I mean you’re in uh pretty great shape. Not that I’m surprised.”

Tessa blushes. “I’ve been going to spin class, dancing a bit, just things on my own.” She says. “You look pretty great, too you know.” 

Scott smiles. “Well… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have to come check out a spin class sometime. My cardio is in the toilet.” 

“Anytime.” Tessa says. 

It hadn’t been Scott’s intention, when he’d brought it up, but suddenly he can’t get the image of Tessa in leggings and a sports bra, straddling an exercise bike with her skin glistening with her efforts out of his head. 

“And you still dance too, eh? I mean not surprised at that either just. Jeez I don’t know if I could do it.” 

Tessa scoffs. “Scott, of course you could. Come on, you must bust out a move every once in a while for the kids, no?

“I mean, I wouldn’t say a _move_ so much as a uh… flail I guess.” 

Tessa laughs and Scott delights in the sound. 

“I’m sure if you wanted to pick it back up it would be as simple as riding a bike.” She tells him.

Scott laughs. “I was never like that. You just always _got_ it.” 

Tessa shakes her head. “So did you, Scott.” She says. And then she pushes herself up and stands in front of him, offering him her hand.  “Up.” She commands. 

Scott takes her hand, allows her to pull him up and places his hands on her waist. “Compulsory.” She says. “Olympics.” 

And Scott’s thankful she doesn’t want to recreate Moulin Rouge with little Satine on his desk as a witness to his clumsiness. 

They don’t have much space to move, but they go slow, taking their time, feeling out each movement in their own bodies as well as one another.  Tessa feels Scott’s back flex as he leans forward, she feels the way his shoulders pull back, sure and strong. He smells of aftershave and he’s radiating warmth and he still remember everything just as well as she does, the goof. 

It surprises him how easily the movements come back to him. She moves this way, he moves that. She allows him to lead her, she directs his movements. Her body is still so hard under his hands. He feels like he can trace every curve in his memory. She’s so sure of herself like this, it’s intoxicating. She knows her body so well. She has such an awareness of the way they move together. She makes him feel like he’s part of her, and it drives him so crazy that by the end of the dance he’s pressed his entire body to hers, his face in the crook of her neck. 

Tessa hadn’t stopped him. She’d felt him moving closer and she wanted it. She wanted to feel him against her like that.  But as reality sets back in as it so often does, she feels embarrassed she’d let herself get so caught up.  “Oh.” She says, as if she’s just realising.  She tilts her head up to look at him. He’s already staring down at her, breathing hard from the work of the dance (or from something else, but she credits the dance). 

She can feel his breath on her cheek, and her hand runs over his chest. She allows herself to feel as much of him as she can before hiding the action under the guise of pushing him away.

“Sorry.” She says. 

“For what?” He asks. 

Tessa just shakes her head and gathers her jacket up from his sofa. “I’m exhausted.” She says. “Thanks for the help today. See you tomorrow.” Tessa says before rushing out. 

“See you tomorrow, Tess.” Scott says, as he watches her walk away. He sighs deeply. 


	7. A Good Team

Scott slammed the passenger door of his car shut with his foot, his arms full with a box of little black leotards and tutu’s for the girls and black pants and t’s for the boys at the Wednesday class. He’d stupidly had them shipped to his house, and they were heavier than he would have thought. 

He normally wouldn’t have come by the rink on a Saturday but he and Tessa are set to travel with Ruby, Tyson, Avery and Drew to their first _big_ competition on Monday, and he wants the Wednesday kids to start practicing with their costumes on, so he’s leaving them in Coach Ken’s office because he’s teaching the group in Scott and Tessa’s absence. 

Scott fumbles his way into the rink with the box in his arms. There’s a hockey game going on, as the rink is used for pickup leagues on weekends, but is surprised when door to the hallway where the offices are is open.  He shrugs it off and unlocks the door to Ken’s office, balancing the box on his leg as he does so.  He drops the box to the ground and steals a sticky note from Ken’s desk to pen a quick thank you and stick it to the box.  As he’s locking Ken’s office back up, though, he hears the sound of music coming from the dance studio down the hall. 

_That’s funny._ He thinks. _Nobody is supposed to be in today._

He makes his way down the hall, curiosity getting the better of him, and is rewarded with the sight of Tessa in black leggings and a scoop-back periwinkle top with her hair messily gathered up into a bun on top of her head. She’s facing away from him, can’t see him at the door, as even his reflection is hidden in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors that line the wall just behind the barre.  She’s dancing to Ruby and Tyson’s music, Black Magic Woman and _oh wow_. Scott thinks maybe _they_ should have danced to this.  The way she moves her body makes him think perhaps the choreography might be too mature for a couple of kids. Thankfully it doesn’t look quite so sinful when Ruby and Tyson preform it. 

Tessa seems to lace every movement seamlessly with the smooth guitar, her body rolling along with the chords like she’s just as much a part of the song as the instruments. As the beat picks up, so does she, so do her movements, and Scott wonders how long she’s been practicing this dance because she’s added her own little flairs to the music and Scott thinks she’s about as ready to preform it as Ruby and Tyson. He chuckles to himself and watches until the music ends and she braces herself on the barre for a rest, her head dropping down between her arms as she catches her breath.

Scott’s about to say something when he hears Avery and Drew’s music cue up, Largo al Factorum. It’s more balletic, and he stays standing there quietly so he can watch one last performance. It’s been ages since he’s seen Tessa dance like this and it’s so beautiful to watch. 

He wonders how often she practices. Of course, it didn’t much matter. Tessa had always been a natural and she might burst into dance at any moment during the day. He chuckles as he remembers her dancing in strip malls and airports they were traveling or halfway through breakfast in his apartment, even after competitions if she wanted to try a competitor’s choreography just for the fun of it.

She still has no idea he’s standing there. He’s not exactly hiding, and he’s fairly certain when she spins she’ll see him, but she doesn’t. She always did get caught up in the dance. He loves that about her. Her movements are graceful as ever and gentle as anything. She is delicate and yet so very powerful. She leaps and twirls and spins, her leg quivering slightly as she comes out of a twirl and she giggles to herself, which is so adorably Tess it nearly stops Scott’s heart on the spot.  She continues dancing despite herself, though, a smile on her face. And when she finishes, her upper body curled down, he claps and she stiffens up, spinning around, her face reddening with embarrassment. 

“Oh!” She exclaimed, surprised. 

“Just me.” He says, “Sorry.”  Scott realises he might not have these privileges anymore - She might not feel comfortable with him seeing this anymore.  He’s a bit caught off guard by this realisation and he feels badly now that he may have intruded.  “I’m sorry.” He stammers. “I didn’t meant to… I just… I didn’t want to interrupt.”

Tessa’s face is red, and Scott thinks she might actually be embarrassed. 

“That was beautiful.” He says, before she’s even responded. “Like wow, _so_ beautiful!” He says it the way he used to when he would compliment her dancing - back arching backward, arms stretched out, hands open like two fleshy fireworks - and he means it. 

Tessa presses her lips together and suppresses a giggle, and Scott smiles. 

“I’m sorry if I intruded.” He says, apologising again, his tone snapping right back to serious. 

Tessa leans back against the bar and Scott can’t help but enjoy the way it opens her body up. He can see the curve of her chest where her ribs are and how they dip down gently to her abdomen only to meet another lovely gentle curve at her hips. 

“It’s ok.” Tessa tells him. “I was the one who left the door open.” 

Scott scratches his neck. He feels like she wishes he hadn’t seen her. He clears his throat, feeling awkward and unwanted. “You didn’t tell me you were learning the choreo.” 

Tessa shrugs, brushes a few wayward and sweaty strands of hair from her forehead. “I think I was just around it for long enough where I kind of learned it by osmosis.” She laughs, which makes Scott smile. “I thought I might be able to be of more help if knew what all the movements felt like. 

“Damn. Never thought of it that way, you have a point, T.” 

“You wanna give it a go, Moir?” She asks, smiling at him coyly. 

Scott shakes his head. “No way.” He says, backing up. “I’m not that confident yet. Baby steps.” 

Tessa’s smile grows a bit. 

“Hey, I was going to maybe grab some pizza for dinner, you want in?” He asks. “My treat.” 

Tessa thinks about it for an agonising moment. For some reason, the moment the words left his mouth, Scott had been terrified that she’d say no. 

“Oh.” She says, and Scott can feel his stomach drop.  “I don’t want to crash your nice peaceful Saturday.” She says. “I mean, you already have to see me five days a week.” 

“Tess.” Scott says immediately, “You could never crash anything. I love - I love hanging out with you.” 

He watches Tessa’s smile grow. “Oh.” She says again. “Well ok.” She’s being shy about it and it’s adorable. " But I’m pretty sweaty.” She says. 

Scott laughs. “Tess, I’m used to being _covered_ in your sweat.” He immediately regrets how that sounds. 

Tessa’s cheeks gets a bit redder. Really, it’s very becoming. 

“I mean… I can go pick up the pizza while you shower and then we can meet at mine?” Scott suggests.

“Sure.” Tessa smiles. 

Scott bops his fist on the door frame. “Cool.” He says. He’s smiling so big it hurts. “I’ll see you there, then.” 

“Uh, Scott?” 

Scott turns around. 

“Can you send me the address?” She asks. 

He thinks that must be the strangest thing he’s ever heard out of her mouth. Just to think that she doesn't know where he lives, to think she doesn't know where he goes when he goes home every night, that she doesn't know where he is in relation to her or just in general that she might not know where he is is a preposterous thought to him. He wonders if she feels the same way. She’d asked it so timidly, almost like she were embarrassed to say it. 

“Yeah.” He says, his voice a little strangled. “I’ll text you.”

When Tessa gets to Scott’s apartment, the first thing she does it compliment him on the space. She’s really impressed with how he’s made it his so quickly.  “It looks really great, Scott.” She says. 

Scott rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, Ms. Interior designer. I’m sure it looks like a real palace compared to that dump you call a home.” 

Tessa laughs. Yes, she likes to keep her home nice, but it’s nothing special, really, she just likes a bit of luxury here and there and some flowers to keep things pretty. Speaking of flowers...

“I actually picked these up on my way.” Tessa says, reaching into her bag and pulling out a bouquet of daisies. Those were always Scott’s preferred - if he had a preferred flower. He didn’t care much for them, but she wanted to bring him something.

“Aw, Tess, you didn’t have to do that, jeez, keep bringing me different plants and I’ll start thinking you’re trying to charm me.”

Tessa smiles shyly at him.

He takes the flowers from her, but she twitches. “Oh, I can… I can do that for you.” She says. 

Scott laughs and hands her back the bouquet. Tessa has a bit of a _thing_ for flowers. She likes to make sure they’re cut the right way, that they have the right amount of water, that they have a tall enough vase, and Scott swears she derives actual sexual pleasure from arranging them. He laughs again at the thought and admires her as she works on them carefully, setting them by the window in back of his kitchen sink. 

Scott has to admit they do look nice there, and they certainly brighten the place up. He likes that he has a little piece of Tessa in his apartment now, and it feels comforting to have her fret over something of his.

They sit on his old green sofa. He’s been meaning to upgrade for a while now, and he wishes he’d done it before bringing Tessa over. He feels like he should be trying to impress her for some reason even though he knows she’d never judge him for something like that. 

Scott opens up the pizza and watches as Tessa’s face lights up and she clutches her hands together and hugs them to her chest, doing a delighted little dance in her seat. “You remembered!” She exclaims

Scott laughs. “Yeah, how could I forget.” He says. “Pretty sure the pizza place remembered exactly who this monstrosity was for.” 

Tessa liked her pizza with mushrooms, onions and pineapple, which Scott found fully atrocious, but it made Tessa happy and that made him happy. He got her half with her weirdo toppings and his half plain. 

“Oh, thank you.” She says, pulling a slice from the pie and setting it on one of Scott’s plates. 

“One more thing.” Scott says, walking to the kitchen and returning with a bottle of champagne. 

Tessa saw it and immediately burst into laughter. “Wow, _Scott_ , what’s the occasion?” She asks, biting into her pizza. 

Scott just smiles. He reaches back for a couple of wine glasses and brings everything back over for Tessa. He settles back down next to her on the sofa.  “I thought we’d celebrate our new partnership.” He says. 

Tessa laughs. “We’ve been part…” She trails off realising he isn’t joking and that they haven’t been partners for the past few years. It’s felt so normal being with him these past weeks she’s almost forgotten that they’d spent so much time not even talking to one another.

Scott chews his lip, lets the moment pass. “Ready?” He asks. “You gotta do this with me.” 

Tessa laughs and nods as he guides her hand to grip the neck of the bottle, resting his hand over hers.  God, it had been a long time since she’s felt his hands. They’re the same as before, she thinks; His skin warm, his touch gentle, his fingers thick, slightly calloused.  She’s shaken from her thoughts by the loud pop of the bottle, and Tessa thows her head back laughing as Scott holds their arms up while the liquid fizzes out and onto his coffee table.  Scott chuckles, trying to keep the bottle over the table and avoid getting it all over the pizza while also doing his best to get a good look at Tessa, admiring her laugh, feeling proud as ever that he’d been the reason for it.  When the champagne had stopped its fizzing, Scott hands it over to Tessa to pour, while he gets some napkins to wipe up the mess. 

“Why do you have this?” She asks, looking up at him as he leans over the table. She knows he's not into champagne.

God, he’d forgotten just how _green_ her eyes are.  “Danny got it for me when he heard I got the apartment.” Scott smiles. “Didn’t really feel right popping it alone.” 

Tessa smiled, satisfied that she’d been the one he’d chosen to open it with.  She holds his cup out for him and he takes it as he joins her yet again, raising it in a toast. 

“To new partners.” He says. 

“To _old_ partners.” Tessa said amends softly.

Scott catches her eye and for a moment they’re lost like that again, just as they’d once been.  And finally, they tap their glasses together before taking a sip. 

“Mh. Not half bad.” Scott says, cocking his head. He isn’t usually a champagne kind of guy, but _this_ he could get behind. Tessa _is_ a champagne kind of gal, and even she seems pleased with it. 

_Nice work, Danny._ Scott thinks to himself. 

“Sorry I don’t have champagne glasses.” He says. He feels the need to apologise. Doesn’t want Tessa to think he’s uncultured or anything. 

Tessa laughs and makes a funny face like _why would I care?_ And Scott beams, because he knows she _doesn’t_ care, because she's Tess. 

Tessa and Scott both set to work on devouring the pizza. It was delicious and they were both starving after a long day.  On her third glass of champagne, Tessa looks over at Scott unprovoked and just starts giggling. 

Scott smiles back and shakes his head. “Uh oh.” He teases. “We’ve reached the unprompted giggling stage.” This only makes Tessa giggle more, and soon, Scott’s laughing right along with her. He can’t help it, he loves the sound of her laughter.

“Scott?” Tessa says, when she’s gathered herself enough to speak. “Can I ask you a personal question?” 

"Shoot.” He says, mouth full of pizza. 

Tessa takes a moment before asking, “What happened with Ava?” 

She sees Scott wince and immediately feels like she shouldn’t have asked, but curiosity and the alcohol had gotten the better of her.  “I’m sorry.” She says, shaking her head. “Don’t answer that.” 

“No.” Scott says. “It’s alright.”  He leans back and takes a deep breath. He’d hardly spoken to anyone about what had happened. 

“I guess she uh was… unhappy. She said she wasn’t um… she wasn’t excited about me anymore.” Scott stares at the floor, fiddles with the hem of his shorts. “I don’t know I wasn’t exactly prince charming.” He says, his face reddening. “It just felt like a bandaid, I guess, the relationship. It just felt like something I _should_ do.” He shrugs. I don’t know I think we both felt like we were at a point where - you know, we’re old enough where we needed to be like… do or die.” He chuckles darkly. “I guess we did both. She was the one to break it off, but I’d wanted to for months to tell you the truth, I was just scared, I guess.” 

“Oh.” Tessa says. She’s quiet, thinking for a long time. “Scott, I’m sorry.” She says. “You should never have to settle for anything.” 

Scott shrugs.  “What happened with you and Chris?” 

Tessa goes rigid and then shakes her head. “Oh, I’m sorry.” She says. 

“No, no.” Scott amends immediately. “You don’t have to talk about it, of course you don’t Tess.” He’s kicking himself for asking her. _Of course it’s too soon you idiot._ He thinks to himself. 

“No it’s alright, I mean I asked you the same, I just think maybe I need a little more time-“ She hiccups, covers her mouth, “time to process it.” 

Scott nods. “You don’t owe anyone an explanation, T.” He says.

They sit in companionable silence for some moments before Scott drains the rest of his champagne. “But for the record, I think the guy was an asshole.”

Tessa laughs. Which of her boyfriends _hasn’t_ he said that about? She punches him playfully on the shoulder.  Scott chuckles happily and reaches over to Tessa’s plate to eat the crusts she’d left over. 

She quiets then and he watches her, her eyes set on his lips as he eats her gnawed crusts unabashedly. He doesn’t start at the back, at the part she hadn’t touched, he starts at the scalloped bit where her teeth had bitten into it. Where her lips had been. It’s bordering _erotic_ that he's eating her food and neither of them can place exactly why, they’re both too caught up in the moment to care. 

Scott sees Tessa swallow hard as she watches his mouth. A moment later she realises she’s staring so she looks up and meets his eyes and they’re silent again, watching one another.  Scott can hardly breathe all of a sudden, but he doesn’t dare move.

Tessa pulls back suddenly.  “You want my champagne too?” She asks, half smiling. She’s joking, he knows, but he takes it from her.

“Yeah.” He says lowly. He turns the glass to where he can see the imprint her lips had left on it and places his own lips directly over it, draining the glass in one gulp and dragging his lips and tongue back as he pulls away, as if he might somehow extract a taste of _her_ from the glass. 

He hears Tessa’s breath hitch and she’s _biting her lip_. Scott could have groaned in that moment but he holds his breath instead, captivated by her and monitoring her every movement.  She swallows again and lets out a light little sigh. It’s a pretty sigh, Scott thinks. _She’s so pretty._

Tessa opens her mouth like she’s about to say something, but in that very moment, Tessa’s phone buzzes and she jumps about a foot in the air. 

Scott smiles weakly. 

"It’s from Avery." Tessa says, her voice hoarse. She answers and listens intently - Scott can hear Avery crying. 

“Oh, I know.” Tessa says, sounding genuinely crushed for the girl. “Avery, I’m so sorry.”  She nods, listens. “Yep. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Of course.” Tessa nods some more. “I know, I know it’s hard, I know.  “No, Avery, it’s going to be ok. There will be more competitions.”  She pauses, waits for Avery to say something.  “I know it feels scary.” She says, and then shakes her head. “No. Avery, Drew loves you. He might have seemed upset, but it’s not at you, it’s not your fault. This was just a bit of an ice breaker competition, anyway, right? You’ll be ready for the next one and I promise you we’ll work on it as hard as we can, ok? I know. Ok. Ok. Talk soon, rest up.” She hangs up and turns to Scott.

“She’s hurt.” Tessa says. She fell down the stairs trying to carry a box up to her family’s new apartment, apparently.” 

Scott runs a hand over his face and sighs deeply. “Ok.” He says, disappointed. “Alright.” 

Tessa looks heartbroken and he reaches out to rest a hand on her back just as _his_ phone rings. 

“Drew?” He answers.  “I heard. Yeah. Yep, I know. No I-“  He pauses for a long moment. “I know but you know what? She’s absolutely crushed. She feels the same way you do.” 

Tessa listens closely. 

“She’s going through the same loss, only she’s injured on top of it, so it hurts her even more.” He’s quiet as he listens. “Yep. That’s what I would say. I think she needs you there with her, ok? She wants to know that you’re there and you’re ok and that you two are going to be alright, because there might come a day when one of you are out for more than just one competition and you’re going to need each other then, ok?” 

Tessa watches Scott, smiles slightly. She’s proud of him, what he’s learned. She’s proud of what she’s learned. They’ve come so far together and they know what makes a team strong now. 

“Alright, bud.” Scott says. “Stay strong, see you soon.”  Scott hangs up and turns to Tessa. “I’m sorry I didn’t know that when you had surgery.” 

Tessa’s mouth twitches up into a smile. “I know you are.” She says and reaches out to squeeze his hand.  “It’s getting late. I should get going so we can get to bed.” Tessa says. They’re leaving early tomorrow for the competition.  She stands to get up, stacking the plates and carrying them over to Scott’s sink to wash. 

Scott carries the wine glasses, setting them down on the counter.  “You don’t have to do that, T.” He says. 

“Hush.” She says back, hands him a wet plate to dry. 

Scott smiles fondly at her. He remembers doing this back when they used to have Sunday dinners all those years ago.

_We’re a good team_ , Scott thinks, as he dries the plate and sets it back in the cupboard, taking the next one from her. _We really do make a good team._


	8. Concerns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *********WARNING: This chapter mentions and deals with issues and thoughts surrounding eating disorders.*********
> 
> ....Also this chapter is quite long  
> **********************************

Tessa doesn’t sleep well that night, she worries about Avery and Drew and then has the image of Scott drinking from her glass in her head all night.  When Scott picks her up (the four of them were carpooling instead of renting a van now that Avery and Drew weren’t coming), she greets Ruby and Tyson who were sitting in the back on their phones, and promptly falls asleep against the passenger side window.

When she awakes, she realises they’re no longer driving but in a parking lot. She blinks her eyes open and lifts her head from the window, grabbing the back of her neck and grimacing. Oof. Maybe she should’ve brought a travel pillow. 

“You alright there sleeping beauty?” Scott asks. He’s still in the driver’s seat. 

Tessa smiled weakly. “Where are we?” 

Scott chuckles. “Kingston.” He says. “Little over halfway there.”  The ride is nearly five hours long. 

Tessa looks in the back, but the seats are empty. 

“Where’d Ruby and Tyson go?” Tessa asks. 

Scott points to a little fast food place just in front of them. “I didn’t want to leave you out here alone.” Scott says. “They’re bringing us back some food, but if you need to stretch out or anything now’s probably a good time.”

“You didn’t have to stay out here with me.” Tessa says, smiling slightly. 

Scott shrugs. “I didn’t want you to wake up and not know where we were.”

“Oh.” She says. “Thank you.” 

Scott nods. 

“I’m going to go for a little walk.” Tessa says. “I’ll check on the kids.” 

“I’ll be here.” Scott says as he takes his phone from his pocket. 

Tessa makes her way into the restaurant which essentially looks like a slightly upscale McDonalds.  She spots Tyson and Ruby toward the back, standing by the bathrooms. It looks like they might be arguing. Tessa watches for a moment, trying to decide what to do before eventually intervening.  “Hey, you two.” She says.  They break apart. 

“Hi.” Ruby says in an uncharacteristically curt manner. 

“Hi.” Tyson says, miserably. 

“Order fifty-seven!” Someone calls out. 

“I’ll get it.” Ruby grumbles, pushing past Tyson. 

Tessa watches her for a moment before turning back to Tyson. “What’s wrong?” She asks. 

Tyson chews his lip. “I’m worried about Rubes.” He says.

Tessa waits for him to elaborate. 

“She’s just… she… I don’t know it could all be in my head but it just seems like she never eats anything lately.” He says. “I mean, I don’t know what she does at home, and our training is great, but I don’t I just feel like something’s off and I’m worried.” 

“And what does Ruby say?” Tessa asks. 

Tyson sighs deeply. “She says she’s fine. She says she’s not that hungry, that she’s too nervous to eat, that she doesn’t like this or that or whatever. She says a bunch of different things.” 

Tessa nods. “Ok.” She says calmly and pats Tyson on the shoulder. “Maybe I can talk to her a bit later, see if there’s anything going on that she might want to talk about, just us girls.” 

Tyson looks dejected. 

“Hey.” Tessa says. “Tyson, none of this is your fault. It’s really nice that you care so much about Ruby, and I’m sure she feels that way too. There might be nothing wrong, and if there is. sometimes things are just hard to talk about. Ruby might need some space or some privacy, ok?”

Tyson nods.

“You ok?” Tessa asks, rubbing his arm. 

Tyson nods again. “Yeah.” He sighs. 

Tessa gives him a weak smile. “Why don’t you head back to the van? I’ll help Ruby with the food.” 

Tyson nods and Tessa makes her way to the counter, taking up the drinks while Ruby takes the bag of food from the cashier. 

“Coach Scott said you like French fries, so we got you those with a turkey club.” Ruby says. 

Tessa smiles. “Perfect.” She says. 

“Did Tyson say something to you?” Ruby asks as they step away from the counter. 

Tessa nods. “Yeah. He said he’s worried about you, that you might not be eating enough to stay healthy.” 

Ruby rolls her eyes. “He’s just being stupid.” Ruby says.

“He’s not being stupid, Ruby, he just wants to make sure you’re alright because he cares about you.” Ruby’s eyes dart toward the floor. “Yeah.” She says. “No, I know. Sorry.”

Tessa shakes her head. “It’s alright. It’s a hard thing to talk about and sometimes it can feel like an attack when someone asks you about it, like it’s your fault. But that’s not true. I want you to know that.” 

Ruby looks up at her and Tessa smiles softly. “Ruby, if you want to talk about anything at all, I’m here, ok? It can be just between us.” 

Ruby stares at Tessa and opens her mouth like she’s going to say something, but just nods instead. “Ok.” She says. “Thank you.” 

“Ok.” Tessa repeats, and she squeezes Ruby’s shoulder reassuringly as they make their way back out to the van. 

Tessa can’t help but worry about Ruby now as well. She’d gotten only a side salad for lunch and Tessa starts to grow uneasy about it. She remembers the pressure that had been on her from an incredibly young age to look a certain way. She remembers the way coaches would look at her when she ate a meal they didn’t approve of, or the weigh-ins Marina had forced on them, or the eating habits of many of the girls around her. So many of them had fallen victim to terrible eating disorders. So many of them were forced to quit the sport because their bodies, deprived of the proper nutrients, could no longer handle the strain of their training. She remembers the way nobody would mention the words _eating disorder._ They were always looked upon so shamefully, and Tessa had always hated that, the shame associated with them. It wasn’t as if it were the skater’s fault. When you hear a thousand times a day that you’d look better, skate better, be a better person, be more beautiful if you were _thinner,_ it sticks with you. It changes the way you think. It’s a horrible problem in the sport and with female athletics in general and it’s currently making Tessa feel ill with worry. 

“Hey. Earth to Coach T.” 

Tessa turn toward Scott’s voice. 

“You’re really zoned out there, kiddo.” He says, half smiling. 

“Sorry.” She says, her voice hoarse.

“I asked if I could have a fry.” Scott says. 

“Oh.” Tessa says back. “Sure.” She balances them on the center console and looks into the back seat to see if either of the kids want some, but Ruby and Tyson are both asleep now, Ruby leaning over, her head on Tyson’s shoulder. 

Tessa smiles softly. 

“Remind you of anything?” Scott asks. He’d seen the kids in the rearview mirror.

Tessa chuckles. “It’s good they’re so close.” She says. 

Scott looks over at Tessa, but she’s staring at the open road in front of them. “Yeah.” He says. It’s nice to know someone has your back.” 

* * *

The foursome arrive at the hotel just around three in the afternoon. They have a little banquet to attend in the function room at dinner time, so they retire to their respective rooms - Scott and Tessa each have their own room while Tyson and Ruby are rooming with another male and female skater respectively. 

There’s a knock on Tessa’s door as she’s just laid down on her bed, fully clothed and hoping to get in another cat nap before getting ready for the banquet.  She sighs and pushes herself up off the bed and answering the door. It’s Scott. 

“I’m bored.” He whines, and he hold up a bag of chocolate “Willing to pay for companionship.”

Tessa laughs and steps aside to let him in. 

He settles in the desk chair and Tessa perches on the edge of the bed while she watches himpull open the bag of chocolate, her eyes focusing on the way his muscles flex as he pulls open the plastic. The bag bursts open, and about a hundred little gold foil-covered chocolates fall all over the floor. 

Scott looks up at Tessa like he’s a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Oops.” He says. 

Tessa rolls her eyes but can’t help a little smile.  She watches him get down on his hands and knees and begin picking the chocolate up and making a little pile of them on the bedspread right next to her. He’s got nearly all of them cleaned up when he feels one bounce off his head.  He looks up at Tessa only to be hit with another squarely on his forehead. 

“Excuse me?” He says.

Tessa giggles, takes another chocolate from the pile and throws it at his chest. 

“Very mature.” He says.

She hits him with another one. 

Scott stares at her and she pauses, giggling. “Sorry.” She says. 

“Mhm.” He grumbles, going back to work picking the last few up, but before he can finish, she hits him with one more.

“Oh, that’s it!” He says, and lunges for her. Tessa yelps, scurries backward on the bed, trying to get away from him, but he seizes her ankle, pulls her back. 

She reaches down for a chocolate and chucks it at him, distracting him while she rolls off the bed, but he chases right after her, and his legs are longer so he catches her, cornering her between the wall and the television, his arms stretched out on either side of her, palms flat to the wall, trapping her there.  She’s breathless now, they both are. Little strands of hair have come out of Tessa’s bun and both their cheeks are red with effort.  The air between them is hot, and Tessa watches as Scott’s eyes dart down ever so subtlety to her collarbone, her chest, where he can _see_ her breathing. She watches his jaw clench and she licks her lips. This is her opportunity. She makes a sort of lunge to the right, ducking to make it under his arm but he grabs her by the hips, lifts her up off the ground and over his shoulder. 

She’s laughing at first, they both are. His hands are all over her as she squirms and she realises how much she _likes_ it. She wants _more_ of it, and then she realises she shouldn’t. They’re friends. She’s the one who wanted them to be friends. But what if that’s changing?  Then she gets scared. That thought scares her and she finds herself going still, rigid. She pushes at his shoulders. 

“Scott.” She says seriously. “Scott, stop.” 

He senses the change in her demeanor and sets her down immediately.  “I’m sorry.” He says breathlessly. “Tess, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to -“ 

But there’s a knock at the door. 

“Tess, I’m so sorry.” He’s still apologising as she opens the door, but he quiets immediately when they both see Ruby standing there.

“Oh.” Ruby says when she sees Scott. 

“We were just having a quick meeting about tomorrow.” Scott says as he slips past Tessa. “Talk later, yeah?” He asks. He stands behind Ruby and doesn’t move until Tessa gives him the smallest nod. _Okay._

“Is everything alright?” Tessa asks the girl, as Scott makes his way back to his room, his shoulders sagging slightly.  Tessa chews her lip, tries to push it out of her mind for now. Ruby needs her. 

“I was wondering if we could talk.” She says to Tessa. 

“Of course. Do you want to come in?” 

Ruby nods and Tessa lets her in, scooping the pile of chocolate from the bed and setting it on the desk instead.  “I ripped the bag.” Tessa says, lying for some reason about who’d truly made the mistake of opening it up and making a mess.

Ruby nods, smiling weakly. 

“You can sit down if you’d like.” Tessa tells her. She senses Ruby is nervous. “Do you want a chocolate?” She asks. 

Ruby shakes her head. “No thank you.” 

“Ok.” Tessa says. She sits in the desk chair and the girl takes a timid seat on the bed which Tessa winces at because it’s slightly ruffled from she and Scott’s struggle some moments ago. She hopes Ruby doesn’t notice. 

“I think Tyson is right.” Ruby says quickly, spitting the words out so rapidly it takes Tessa a moment to process them. 

“Ruby.” Tessa sighs, trying her best to find the right way to talk to her about this. “it’s so, so very hard when it seems like all people talk about is your body and your weight and how you look in this or that or how your body is changing as you’re growing.” 

Tears well up in Ruby’s eyes. It _is_ hard. 

“And maybe it seems like you’ve figured out a way around those things.”  Tessa takes another deep breath and looks over at Ruby. The sight of that spritely little girl so downtrodden, so drained, brakes Tessa’s heart. She is not going to let this happen.  “Is that how you feel?” Tessa asks, searching Ruby’s face. 

Ruby rolls her shoulders back, steeling herself to the pain inside and nods.

Tessa’s shoulders deflate. These poor girls.  “Can I tell you a secret?” Tessa asks. 

Ruby’s lip quivers, but she finds the strength to look over at Tessa and nod. 

“Well, maybe this part isn’t a secret…” Tessa says, “But when I was skating, people used to say all kinds of things about me. I think that’s the sport. Lot’s of women’s sports, actually. They called me everything under the sun, scrutinised every little thing about my body. And I always acted like it didn’t bother me. Even to Scott, I hardly ever said anything.” She looks over at Ruby who’s listening intently. 

The little girl can’t believe anyone would have said those things about Tessa. She’s the greatest ice dancer there was. If Tessa isn’t perfect, how can anyone ever be?

“Here’s the secret part.” Tessa continues. “It _did_ bother me. A lot.” Tessa cringes thinking back on it.  “I stopped eating enough for a little while too. Not noticeably. Scott never knew. My mum never knew. My coaches never knew. Nobody. And I wanted it that way because I was ashamed that I wasn’t better.”  Tessa finds herself tearing up just thinking about it.  “Sometimes I felt like I deserved that pain.” She says. “Just because I wasn’t naturally better. I wasn’t what people wanted me to be. I wasn’t _perfect_.” Tessa says the word as though it burns her tongue.  “And it hurt that I was hurting and nobody else seemed to notice or care. And then that hurt started to just fade away because it seemed like something I was just supposed to do after a while. Nobody talked about it. Nobody. If people noticed something, they looked the other way.” Tessa takes a deep breath. “Ruby, I don’t know what’s going on in your head. I won’t ever know and I don’t pretend to. You are your own person, and you are in charge of your own body. I’m just here because I want you to know that if you’re sad or if you’re hurting… Ruby, you’re not alone. I see you. I won’t ever look the other way.” 

Tears began rolling down Ruby’s cheeks and Tessa can hardly take it.  Ruby’s shoulders crumple as she begins to sob, turning and looking out of the doors to the balcony on the far side of the room.

“Can I give you a hug?” Tessa asks gently. 

Ruby nods, her arms wrapped around her abdomen. 

Tessa stands and walks carefully over to the bed where she sits beside Ruby and throws an arm around the girl’s shoulder, pulling her into a side hug.  “It’s alright.” Tessa says. 

Ruby shakes her head. “It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. Please don’t tell Tyson.”

“It’s most definitely not stupid.” Tessa assures her, and then sighs deeply. “Rubes, you’re not in trouble, nothing’s changed. You’re still an incredible skater, you’re still the sweetest, strongest, most graceful skater in this hotel.” Tessa says. “And you are still a brilliant, kind, powerful, capable young woman who I have the utmost respect for.”  Tessa pulls back and wiped a few tears from Ruby’s face. “I’m sorry the system is broken.” She says. “But it doesn’t mean _we_ have to be. We’re stronger than that.” 

Ruby nods up at Tessa, pressing against her again for another hug. Tessa is quick to gather her back in her arms and squeeze her tightly. 

“I promise I won’t stop fighting for you.” Tessa vows quietly, Ruby’s dark hair tickling her nose. “Honey do your parents know you’ve been struggling?” She asks gently.

“My mum already knows.” Ruby says, her voice muffled against Tessa’s chest. 

Tessa pulls back and cocked her head, holding Ruby’s cheek in her hand.

“We got into a fight the other night and I thought telling her would make her even more mad, and I wanted to make her mad. So I shouted it at her and then I didn’t eat lunch for a week.” Ruby averts her eyes, looking at the ground. “She said…” She took a deep, shaky breath, “If I don’t change things she’ll make me quit skating.” 

Tessa swallows the lump in her throat. She knows that Ruby hadn’t actually wanted to make her mother more angry, she’d wanted to get a rise. She’d wanted to see if her mother would react in a way that would signal she cared. And Tessa knows that Ruby’s mother meant well, was probably acting out of fear and desperation because her baby wasn’t eating, but she’d just responded with a threat. Tessa is sure that must have been crushing for Ruby.

“We’ll take it one step at a time.” Tessa says, taking the girl by the shoulders. “I don’t want you to worry about anything, ok?”

Ruby nods. 

“But I need you to start bringing lunch. Maybe you and I can have lunch just the two of us a few times a week. Might make things easier?”

Ruby nods and smiles slightly. 

“Ok.” Tessa says, smiling softly, as best as she can manage. “You know this isn’t your fault, right?” Tessa asks. “Eating disorders aren’t a choice.” 

Ruby sighs deeply. Finally someone’s said the words. And she’s said it’s _not her fault_. “Thank you.” Ruby says, her voice shaky with emotion. 

Tessa pulls her back into another long hug. “I’m proud of you, Ruby.” She says, and Ruby looks up at her questioningly. 

_Why would you be proud of me when I just told you I have an eating disorder?_ Is what Ruby thinks to herself. 

Tessa smiles knowing she’s thinking that. “I’m proud because it takes incredible strength to face something so intimidating. And to come to me and talk about it takes even greater strength.” 

Ruby smiles brightly. 

“You are _so_ strong, Ruby.” Tessa tells her. 

“Are you going to call my mum?” Ruby asks. 

Tessa bites her lip. “I’m only going to give her some resources, ok? We just need to make sure you have all the right people around to help you.” 

Ruby thinks about this. “Did you have all the right people?” 

Tessa winces. “Not at first.” She answers. “It took me a while because nobody really talked to me about it, but look at us, eh? We’re ahead of the game already.” 

Ruby nods. “Ok.” She says. “My mum trusts you.” 

Tessa’s smile falters. _Oh boy, this is a lot of pressure._

Ruby goes off shortly after to get ready for the banquet and Tessa lays down on her bed and allows herself ten minutes of deep breathing to try and calm the nervousness that had overtaken her. Then, she gets ready as well.

* * *

Scott waits by the elevator in the lobby for his little posse. Tyson is the first to join him, sporting, like Scott himself, a crisp black suit. Tessa is next to join them, and Scott flushes slightly when he sees her. It’s been a long time since they’ve dressed up this way together, and she stuns him just as she always had.  She’s wearing a silky pale pink dress with thin black heels. Her hair’s half down, long locks falling freely over her bare shoulders.  She smiles when she sees the two of them - Scott and Tyson, her reddened lips parting slightly and Scott feels his heart beat faster. 

Ruby is down shortly after. Tessa’s glad to see she’s laughing with her roommate as she gets off the elevator. She has her hair down, and wears a sweet yellow dress with beige flats. 

They head off and take their seats in the hotel function room. 

The room is large and full of twenty four white-clothed tables with plates and silverware laid out.  It’s a relaxed banquet for the most part, and the food is buffet style, so after quick introductions, everyone lines up for their meals.  Their seats have been assigned so that coaches sit together and skaters are sat amongst each other so they can socialise.  Tessa cranes her neck to see Ruby and Tyson laughing with a couple of other skaters just as Scott’s returning to their table with his plate. 

“You’d be a real helicopter parent, you know.” Scott says as he sits down beside her and lays his napkin out on his lap. 

Tessa gives him an annoyed look. “I’m just making sure they’re ok, it’s their first competition away from home.” 

“Mh.” Scott nods as the table fills around them. “Hey, was Ruby alright?” 

Tessa glances at the other coaches who’ve just started to populate their table. She can’t talk about this here, but Scott should know too, especially if she’s going to talk to Ruby’s mum. 

“We can talk about it later.” Tessa says, eyeing the other coaches, and Scott gets the hint. 

So after the banquet, they see Ruby and Tyson off to their rooms, tell them to get a good sleep and head back down to the hotel bar where they find a little booth in the back all to themselves.

* * *

The lighting is dim, and Tessa enjoys the way it darkens Scott’s eyes even more. He hasn’t worn a tie tonight, just left the top few buttons by his collar undone, and she can see the silver chain he wears pressed against his skin. 

“You look beautiful.” He says, always the first to compliment her. 

Tessa smiles shyly even though he’s told her this countless times. “Thank you.” She says. “You look handsome.”  Scott seems to straighten up at the compliment, like it makes him stronger. 

Scott’s nursing a beer, and Tessa has a glass of dark, dark wine in front of her. 

“I’m sorry about before, I-“ Scott begins to say but Tessa waves him off. She does’t want to think about it. She doesn’t particularly like thinking about her feelings. 

“No, I shouldn’t have touched you like that without asking I don’t know what I was thinking.” He says. 

It’s clear that he’s agonising over this and Tessa feels awful for it.  “It’s really fine, Scott. I’m fine.” She says. 

Scott shakes his head. “I just want you to know how much I respect you, Tessa and I mean that whole thing… we’re… colleagues now. I didn’t mean to overstep that. I really am sorry.” 

“I know.” She says softly, and she does. “Let’s talk about Ruby.” She says in an effort to change the subject.

Tessa recounts (sparing some of Ruby's personal details) the conversation she’d had with Ruby, and Scott listens intently, a worried look on his face. 

“Oh.” He sighs deeply when Tessa finishes. She takes a sip of wine and watches as Scott leans back on his side of the booth and runs his hands through his hair. “Oh man.” 

Tessa nods. 

“I should have noticed.” Scott says, and Tessa can tell he’s agonising over this as well.

“It’s not your fault, Scott. Nobody knew when I-“ She cuts herself off quickly, hopes he won’t notice, but his eyes are already locked on hers.

“When you what?” He asks, both hands gripping his beer.

Tessa swallows hard, feels herself flush. “Well, I mean… It was just _part_ of our training, the weight.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Tess, please don’t tell me…” He looks like he might collapse in on himself. 

“No, I didn’t… I didn’t skip meals.” She says. “I just didn’t eat as much as I should have sometimes.” 

Scott looks heartbroken. 

“It didn’t last long.” She says, trying to reassure him. “You remember what happened to that girl, Kelsea, how she had to go to hospital. That scared me and I think after that I was pretty good, but the thoughts never really stopped as long as I was skating. I just got really good at disproving them, seeing how illogical they were. I was determined not to end up like Kelsea as awful as that sounds.” 

Scott clears his throat. “I mean I knew- I mean you’d say things I just never thought it was so serious. I just… oh fuck, Tess, I’m so sorry. 

Tessa is silent, collecting herself for a moment.

“It’s hard.” She whispers, her voice breaking, causing Scott’s heart to break right along with it. “It’s hard not to think about those things when it seems like everyone around you is.” 

Scott nods. 

“You were lifting me all the time, it’s hard not to get it into your head that it would all just be easier if I weighed less.” 

“Tessa.” Scott breaths, reaching out for her hand. She allows him to take it. 

“No, but…” She’s trying her very hardest not to get emotional about this, Scott can tell.

“I didn’t.” She says. “I never really um… committed?” She hates using that word. “Surrendered?” She tests that one out instead, but doesn't feel like it’s respectful enough.  “I never did it. It never got me.” She sighs, giving up on trying to find the right words to describe it. “I just … I had you pushing food at me all the time, I had my mom watching me like a hawk because she knew about all of it… and most of our coaches were really sensitive to it as well, but really what got me was seeing what happened to the girls who suffered with it.” 

Scott lets out a relieved breath. 

“But I thought about it a lot.” Tessa says quietly, and Scott knows if she was admitting that, then it was likely an understatement. S he leans back in her seat and brushes the hair off her neck, trying to cool down. 

Scott releases her hand to run his hand through his own hair and lets out another breath. 

“You know…” Tessa leans in, resting her elbows on the table. “It’s kind of like what you were telling Jaxon and Bobby. It just really gets to you when you hear all the judges, the fans, the commentators talk about your body and your looks… I mean when they talk about the men you hear how strong they are, how they’re such great athletes. Things like that. For women, they talk about our bodies. What we wear. How we look. They don’t pay as much attention to the fact that we’re athletes too because they’re just so distracted by the fact that we’re women first.”

“Fuck, Tess.” He sighs. “I’m so sorry.” 

And she can tell how genuinely sorry he truly is. Not only that he hadn’t noticed, but also because it had happened in the first place. 

Tessa shakes her head and brushes it off like it isn’t a big deal.  “It’s ok, Scott. It’s not your fault. I just… It was one thing when it was me, but those girls. Those _little_ girls… I guess I didn’t realise until now how little they really are. They shouldn’t be dealing with all that.” Tears had collected in her eyes. “I just want to help them see that this isn’t it. Skating isn’t the end all - be all. It’s not everything. And I want them to love themselves and… I just never want them to doubt themselves. And I never want anyone to take advantage of them for things they couldn’t possibly know.”

“I am so sorry that happened. That it happens still. That I didn’t know.” He says. 

Tess looks down at the table for a moment, inhaling deeply before meeting his eyes.  “It turned out well for me.” She says. “I learned from it and now I can help them.”

Scott smiles weakly and nods. Yes, but he wishes she hadn’t had to go through any of it. He wishes he’d known back then. 

They talk a little more about Ruby, what they can do to help. How they can talk to her mother, and Scott apologises about fifty more times. 

Tessa wonders what he’d have done back then if he’d have known how those thoughts had been swirling around in her mind. 

* * *

Scott walks her back to her room and says goodnight, but before he can turn to leave, she takes his hand and pulls him toward her, wrapping him in a tight hug, her hand clutching the collar of his suit jacket. 

“You’re a good person.” She tells him softly, and feels him press deeper into her.

“Did you eat all that chocolate?” He asks, earning him a sought after giggle. 

“No.” She tells him in a whisper. “Do you want some?” 

Scott nods, but they stay there embracing one another for a few moments longer before stepping back so they can enter the room. 

* * *

They’re busy munching chocolate and speculating about tomorrow’s competition when Tessa kicks her heels off and groans.  “Ugh, those _hurt_.” 

Scott’s brows raise, angling toward one another. He doesn’t like when she hurts.  “Here.” He says, lowering himself to the ground in front of her and then stopping himself. He used to rub her feet when they hurt and it seemed to help her, but he doesn’t want to overstep like he did earlier. “If you want.” He says, and waits for her to nod and she does.

So, he sits criss cross on the floor, his long legs tucked close to his body as he holds her bare foot in his hand.  He runs his fingers over the top of it, his thumb pressing into her arch. And then both his hands are on here there; one on either side, and she enjoys the warmth of his hands encasing her.  “Your feet are always freezing.” He comments as it sucks the warmth from his hands. He wants her to take it all from him. 

“Mh.” She sighs, absentmindedly. 

Scott stares at her her foot in his hands. It’s small enough that he can hold the entire thing between them.  He flexes her ankle, resting her heel on his thigh and angling her foot up as he works it harder, trying his best to make her feel better.  He can’t look up at her because he knew what he’ll see; Tessa Virtue, button-nosed, rosy cheeked, dark haired, gleaming green eyed, smirking, self assured, tiny little mighty-bodied Tessa Virtue who at one point in his life trusted him more than anyone in the world. And though he’d held her flush against him for the better part of their _lives_ , he can’t bring himself to look at her now. Not here. Not when they’re alone and he has a couple of beers in him and he holds her foot in his hands. Not when she’s going to make those little noises at his touch the way she’s doing. He can’t look up at that because he knows he’ll never be able to bring himself to look away. 

So he keeps his eyes fixed on her foot. 

Her nails are painted French. It looks perfect against her alabaster skin. Though everything does, Scott supposes. 

“There.” Tessa sighs as he moves to the ball of her foot. 

Scott tries not to pay too much attention to the hoarseness of her voice.  He likes helping her. He loves it, actually. And he’ll do anything if it’ll help her feel better. He had always been eager to touch her, be close to her.

“Can you-“ he hears Tessa say softly, but he’d already known she wants him to move lower, and her voice trails off as he does it, but she lets out a little hiss of pleasure that sounds like a breathy “yes.” 

And Scott can hardly handle it, his face flushing red with embarrassment at the realisation of what her wordless intonations can do to him. He’s glad he isn’t looking at her then, because she would certainly have seen the desire in his eyes. She’d seen it before, to be sure, both on the ice and off all those years ago, and she’d ignored it when they weren’t together, much to his relief. He knows these aren’t things he’s supposed to be feeling.  For Tessa he would be everything she wanted him to be, and she wanted him to be her partner, her coworker.  And so, for Tessa, he sits there on the rug of her hotel room, her delicate foot resting gently in his hand as he worked his fingers over it.  And for Tessa, that’s all he’ll allow himself to look at. 

...But for Scott, for the Scott that he keeps deep down, restrained and buried under everything else that screams at him that they should _just be friends_ , he brings her foot to his lips. He doesn’t press it there, but he looks up at her finally, and _fuck_. He was right for thinking he shouldn’t, because she’s staring right at him, her eyes bright and dark at the same time. 

Tessa can hardly move. She’s frozen there. She wants more. She nods. 

Scott takes that as her permission and brings her foot closer so he can kiss the top of her smooth foot, enjoying the way her arch fits perfectly in his palm.  It just feels natural.  And then he realises it; he’s kissing Tessa’s _foot_.  And fuck all of it, he looks up at her again.  And she’s still watching him. 

She was looking down upon him, her mouth slightly ajar, as though he’d drawn the breath straight from her lungs.  And she looks exactly as he knew she would; maddeningly beautiful. Tessa’s gorgeous, and he’s just trying to keep up. 

Scott lowers her foot and lets it slip from his hand, immediately hating the way he feels without a part of her touching him.  He clears his throat and stands, watching her watch him, her eyes tracking his movements as he takes a few steps back.  She says nothing, her face is emotionless now that the initial look of surprise has faded from her features. 

“I’m sorry.” He says, though he was not sorry this time. “I should go.” He waits for a brief moment, transfixed by her as he so often is, but when he snaps himself out of it, he turns on his heels and makes for the door. 

“Scott.” He hears her say softly to his back. 

He pauses and turns slowly, slightly afraid she might yell at him. But it’s Tessa. He doesn't ever need to be afraid of her.  And so he stands there in her hotel room and raises his brows. 

Whatever she will say to him, he knows he’ll do it.  He watches her swallow, her defined clavicles moving up and outward, the little divot there where he had once so often buried his face was shrouded in a dark shadow. 

“You forgot to do the other one.” She says softly, innocently.

Scott opens his mouth, realising it’s too dry to piece together any sort of functional sentence.  He swallows then, his heart pounding in his chest and makes his way back to her, kneeling at her feet and taking the foot he’d sorrowfully neglected in his hand, his apologies written across the features of his face.  He looks at her this time, taking inventory of all the little details he already knew so well about her.  And she watches him as his fingers work along the line of her arch, his thumb caressing the back of her foot where her skin is mostly smooth.

Perhaps with someone else she might have felt self-conscious, Tessa thinks. But not with Scott.  She remembers very clearly thinking when they were younger that she would do _anything_ he’d asked. And she knows she would have. But she’d never considered the fact that he might feel the same. That he might be the same for her. Not until now. And it makes her heart break to know that she could have had his support when she'd needed someone. She wants to be mad at him for not verbally telling her but she knows it's not his fault. She can only blame herself for not seeing it. Just like she can only blame herself for telling him she didn’t want him. 

Scott can feel Tessa’s heart beating in her ankle.  She watches him carefully as he lifts her foot, his eyes raking across her bare leg all the way up to her thighs, and then over the rest of her, falling back into her eyes.  He waits a moment to see if she’ll pull away, but no. She doesn’t.  She watches expectantly, and Scott delivers, as he always does, bringing her foot to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the top of her foot and nuzzling his nose against her sweet skin. 

He hears her sigh satisfactorily.  “Good?” He asks, looking up. 

She nods, looking down at him. 

“Good.” He whispers, satisfied, standing again.  He looks at her for a moment longer, before sighing to himself.

He runs a hand through his hair, eyes darting over her form again, unsure where to look. All of her is so beautiful. When he figures he’s made enough of a fool of himself, he mumbles, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And makes his way from the room, shutting the door behind him. 


	9. Loopholes

Another night of tossing and turning for Tessa. But how could she possibly sleep after what had just happened?  What did that mean? She was pretty sure it had been a mistake. She shouldn’t have nodded. She should have gotten up and told him she’d see him tomorrow. But she hadn’t wanted to. She owed herself _something,_ didn’t she? It’s been _years_ since she’s felt like that.  She replays the event in her head and it sends a shudder through her body. 

Meanwhile, Scott got back to his hotel room and flopped down on his bed, covering his head with his pillow and shutting his eyes tightly. What the _fuck_ did he just do? And… did she _like_ it?  No. He tells himself. This is just how they are. They’re just close. She probably just thought he was being… cute, right? _Right?_

* * *

The next morning, Tessa and Scott sit in Scott’s car, each of them holding a steaming hotel coffee in their hands as they wait for the car to warm up and their skaters to join them so they can head over to the rink.  It’s only around seven in the morning, and both Tessa and Scott are exhausted. They sit there in silence, staring at their coffee cups, neither of them knowing what to say.  Finally Tessa decides she should break the silence. 

“It’s cold.” She says, and then shuts her eyes tightly. _Of course it is captain obvious._ She thinks, internally rolling her eyes at herself.

“Sorry.” Scott says. _Why sorry?_ He thinks, _It’s not like I can control the temperature._ “I mean… the car should heat up soon. You can wait in the lobby if you want.” 

“No.” Tessa says, a little too quickly, wincing at herself. “I’m ok here.” 

“Ok.” Scott says. 

Tyson and Ruby come out of the hotel joking and laughing and Tessa’s glad at least someone’s relaxed.  The two skaters climb in the back and settle in for the short drive to the rink. 

“How are you guys feeling?” Tessa asks, turning in her seat to talk to them. 

They smile brightly. “Pretty great, actually.” Tyson says. 

“I’m nervous, but we’re going to be ok.” Ruby says, looking at Tyson who nods at her. 

“No matter what happens.” He says, draping an arm around her and giving her a little squeeze. She smiles shyly at him and then Tessa.

They make it to the rink and the athletes go off to get changed and ready to warm up, and Tessa and Scott are left alone again.  They go over some last notes, but there isn’t really much to talk about. 

“Do you need anything?” Tessa asks Scott, when she can no longer take it and decides to escape to the snack bar.  Scott shakes his head no.  “Ok.” She says quietly. She can’t help feeling like he regrets last night. 

“Tough decisions, eh?” She hears a man beside her say as she’s deciding on another cup of coffee. 

Tess turns to him with a weak smile. “I think my brain might be too tired to decide.” She says. 

“That’s a real Catch-22.” He says. 

He’s quite handsome, Tessa thinks. He’s tall, he’s got lots of dark blondish hair and green eyes and she can tell he’s strong the way he’s built. 

“Lucky for you.” He says, “I happen to know the loophole to this catch.” 

Tessa’s far too tired to flirt so she stays silent until he continues. “I know it’s hockey rink coffee.” He says. “But the Americano is actually really good. What do you say, Yossarian?” 

Tessa’s eyebrows shoot up. She’s actually quite impressed he’s referenced Catch-22. She smiles. “Sure.” She says, too tired to craft a clever response back. 

The man orders for her, and she’s getting her money ready but he waves her off. “We’re all part of the syndicate, eh?” 

Tessa laughs at yet another reference.  “Cheers.” She says, lifting her coffee. 

“Hang in there, Yossarian.” He says, patting her shoulder before turning and walking away. Tessa eyes follow him out into the rink where he gets lost in the crowd. 

She chuckles to herself. _How funny._

When she rejoins Scott, he stares at her coffee cup for a moment and then looks away, setting his jaw.  Tessa turns her cup and sees there’s a phone number scrawled across the side of it. 

“Scott.” She says after a few more minutes of silence. “I’m sorry about last night. I think that was- “

“No.” Scott says. “No, no problem, don’t be sorry.” He won’t even look at her. 

“I think we should talk about it.” She says.

“You’re the one who never wants to talk about anything.” He says, almost cruelly. Tessa slumps her shoulders. 

“Ok.” She says. There’s no point in talking to him like this. 

When she finishes her coffee she makes a great big deal out of throwing her cup away so Scott will notice and they head off to talk to their athletes. 

Things are clearly off between the two of them, but they try their best to remain neutral for the sake of Tyson and Ruby. This is their first really big competition and the confidence they felt earlier has turned to nerves, so the four of them breathe together, go over last minute steps, talk about how prepared they are. Tyson and Ruby hug right in front of Scott and Tessa just like they used to and it hurts both of their hearts to be reminded of how simple things had once been.

As they’re waiting by the boards while Tyson and Ruby take the ice, suddenly they hear the announcer say their names, and before they know it, their faces are up on the big screen, _Tessa and Scott Gold Medal Olympic Ice Dancers._ The announcer says, _And Now Partners In A Whole New Sense._ Tessa tenses up. She hates the spotlight, and both of them look absolutely miserable right now, but they force a quick smile and hear the applause it brings from around them.  They draw apart as soon as the camera pulls away and focus back out on Tyson and Ruby who are taking their positions. 

Tessa feels like she holds her breath the entire program, but by the time it’s over she’s clapping loudly and shouting for them. The two kids come racing over and into their coaches arms, receiving hugs and congratulations for a job well done.  They place third in their age group and they’re quite happy with it seeing as they’ve never skated against such talented competition. 

“Thank you!” Ruby squeals as she rushes into Tessa’s arms after the medal ceremony. Scott can’t help the weak smile that fall across his face as he sees how she and Ruby have become close. 

* * *

They head home that night, the kids dozing off in the backseat almost as soon as they leave, and Tessa not doing much better herself. She tries to stay awake, doesn’t want Scott to have to be the only one up driving at night, but she can’t help the way her eyes flutter and her head droops with sleep. 

Scott’s seen Tessa fighting sleep plenty of times before.  “You can sleep.” He says, and Tessa looks over at him, blinking rapidly. 

“I’m ok.” She says. 

Scott nods. “Ok.” He says softly. “You did a good job today. You’re a great coach.” He says. He doesn't want her to think he's mad at her, and he means it, too. She's a great coach. 

Tessa smiles gently. “Thanks.” She says. It means so much coming from him. “You are too.” She says, and yawns. “But you already know that.” 

Scott shrugs. “Maybe.” He says in his cocky way that makes Tessa chuckle. Scott smiles when he hears her. 

They drive in silence for some time before they pull of the freeway at a rest stop for a bathroom break. The kids hardly say anything, dragging themselves into the restrooms like a couple of zombies, and Tessa’s right behind them, hardly able to keep her eyes open.  When she gets back to the van, Scott’s already there in the driver’s seat, and in her seat is a blue travel pillow.

She takes it in her hands and climbs back into the car. “Scott?” She asks.

He just shrugs. “You should sleep.” He says.

She knows he’d planned on driving the whole trip, so this isn’t his pillow. He must’ve purchased it inside the little rest stop.  “Scott.” She repeats.

He turns to her in the semi-darkness and smiles. “It’s not as good as a body pillow.” He jokes, but when she doesn’t smile he adds, “It’s no big deal.” 

The kids climb back into the car and they’re off again, Scott navigating the dark road in silence.  Tessa fights sleep as long as she can. She sets the travel pillow on the center console so she won’t be tempted to use it, but she finds herself angling her body just so she can lean a bit lower, just so she can rest her head for a moment. _Just a moment_. 

Scott smiles down at her and shakes his head, laughing to himself. She’s so stubborn. He bets her neck’s going to hurt anyway now, but she just looks so sweet curled up in her seat with her head right on the console, her silken hair spread out all around her and her lashes casting shadows on her face. He wishes he could admire her a bit more freely, it’s been a long time since he’s seen her like this - soft and unguarded, peaceful even - but he has to keep most of his focus on the road. 

He drops Ruby off first. It’s nearing midnight, so he doesn’t get to talk to her parents, but he’s sure Ruby will recount the whole trip. She’d been so excited. Then he drops Tyson, waves to his parents as they stand in the door, and then he takes Tessa home.

He lets himself have a moment to look at her, just a fleeting moment, he doesn’t want to intrude, do anything she wouldn’t want him doing. It’s not his to see, but he can’t resist a moment for himself. And when the guilt seeps in, he lowers a hand gently and strokes her hair. Of all the ways he could have woken her he knows this one is probably the most intimate, but he can’t stand the thought of jarring her out of such a peaceful state by nudging her shoulder. 

“Tessa.” He whispers, and her name feels like it belongs on his tongue.  “Tess.” He says, letting his fingertips trail through her dark hair. He thinks maybe he hadn’t done this enough when they were together. It feels so perfect. 

Tessa’s eyes flutter slightly and she whimpers. 

“Tess.” Scott whispers again. 

“Mh.” She mutters, curls up tighter in her seat. Scott smiles at the sight. 

“We’re home.” He whispers to her. 

“Five more minutes.” She mutters, clutching the pillow with her hand. She clearly isn’t fully awake.

Scott sighs, runs his hands through his hair before getting out of the car and moving over to her side where he fishes her keys out of the mesh pocket of her backpack and takes her duffel bag from the trunk.  He lets himself into her house and drops the bag in the foyer before heading back to the car.  “Come on, kiddo.” He says, “You want me to carry you?” 

“Ok.” Tessa breathes, hardly able to process what’s happening. She feels like she hasn’t slept in days. 

Scott grunts slightly as he lifts her from an awkward angle. 

Tessa’s vaguely aware of Scott carrying her. She’s clutching the pillow but as she falls deeper into her sleep it falls from her arms without Scott noticing and lands on her walkway.  Scott gets her inside, carries her upstairs to her bed and sets her down gently. The place is just like he remembers, all clean and bright and sweet smelling.  He helps Tessa under the covers and watches for a moment as she grasps for something that she can’t find. She ends up clutching a pillow to her chest, and lets out a deep sigh, nuzzling her cheek against it.  Scott adjusts the blankets over her once more before padding quietly from the room. He’s never felt like more of an intruder. But he thinks he could be ok with this. If this is what she needs from him, he could be ok with this. As he walks back to his car, he scoops up her pillow from off the walkway. He’ll get it to her tomorrow he decides. 

He drives himself home wearily and crashes into bed, still holding the little pillow. It smells like her and even though it isn’t as soft as his actual pillows, he rests his head against it, inhaling the familiar scent of her. It puts him at ease and he falls asleep quickly and sleeps deeply. 

* * *

Scott and Tessa don’t talk about that trip. Scott had meant to get the travel pillow back to Tessa, but he can’t seem to part with it. He keeps telling himself he’s forgetting it, but he wakes up with it in the mornings and falls asleep with it in the nights. It’s pathetic, he knows that, but it’s the only way he gets decent sleep. 

Tessa keeps thinking of the way he held her in his arms, carried her safely to bed. She wishes she’d been more awake so she could have remembered it better, but she ends up thinking of that feeling every night before she sleeps. 

There are more competitions, these times with Avery and Drew as well. Ruby and Tyson nearly always medal, but frustratingly never take first. Avery and Drew manage to take bronze a few times. 

At every competition Tessa runs into her admirer who offers her a coffee and a quick set of pop literature referenced jokes (Lord of the Flies, Catcher in the Rye, Pride and Prejudice. He even slipped a Lolita reference in there at which Tessa gaped and he laughed heartily). Each time he writes his number on her coffee cup and each time Scott pretends not to notice and Tessa discards it in the trash with a grand flourish hoping Scott will see (though she’s not sure why she _cares_ that he sees - or so she tells herself). 

And then one day her bibliophilic-coffee-giving-phone-number-scrawling admirer becomes bolder, walks up to her while she’s standing right next to Scott and says, “Look. I’ve really been trying to be subtle, but I feel like I can only handle it for so much longer.” 

Tessa stares at him. Scott tries his hardest _not_ to stare, pretends it’s not even happening. 

“I thought we could get dinner after the competition tonight. I assume we’re staying in the same hotel. “I’m with Martel and Brooks.” He says, referring to the skaters he coaches. 

“Oh.” Tessa says breathily, shyly. “Um. Alright.”  They exchange details of where they’ll meet, and the man finally gets his number into Tessa’s phone. 

Scott pretends he’s unbothered. He pretends nothing’s even happened when he feels like he’s been punched in the chest, and Tessa feels uneasy.  Scott’s pleasant for the rest of the day with her. He’s excited when Avery and Drew get their highest scores yet and when Ruby and Tyson take another silver, but Tessa knows Scott, and she can tell his smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.  She tries to figure out why she’s feeling the same way herself. 

That night in her hotel room she gets ready for this dinner date - or whatever it is. She's not looking forward to it. She can hardly stand the idea of flirting or trying to make shallow conversation. She pictures the man, Victor, he’d said his name was. And she thinks about sitting with him over dinner, a bottle of wine between them as they attempt to flirt with one another. It feels like a Catch-22. She could go on the date and be miserable or she could stay here alone and be miserable. But suddenly she realises these aren't her only choices. And then gradually, she lets Victor fade from her imagination and finds him replaced with someone far more familiar, Mr. Scott Moir, who, instead of trying to turn her favourite literature into punchline after punchline, smiles warmly at her from across the table, and orders a side of onion rings because he knows she’ll want them, and makes her laugh without referencing literature, without even _trying_. 

So that’s how she finds her loophole, and that's why she's standing at Scott’s hotel room door after having called Victor and apologising profusely but making it clear that she isn’t looking for anything at the moment. She’s got a box of un-popped popcorn in hand as she knocks gingerly on his door.

He doesn’t answer so she knocks again, louder. When there’s no response she tries once more to no avail. _He must be ignoring me,_ she thinks. She slinks back to the elevator, and waits until she hears it ding before stepping on and smacking right into Scott. 

“Woah there!” He catches her by the arms. “What’s the rush, Virtch? _late late late to a very important date_ or whatever?” He says it mockingly but Tessa can tell he’s only teasing even though she knows he thinks the literary references are pretentious. 

Tessa flushes red. “I thought we could watch a movie instead” She says and sees Scott’s face soften. 

“Oh.” He says. They step off the elevator. “Look, T, I’m sorry I was kind of quiet today, but I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. You should go on the date. I didn’t mean anything by making fun of the book jokes. He seems like he could be an alright guy.” 

Tessa shrugs. “Yeah.” She says. “He seems alright, but I want to watch a movie with you.” 

Scott looks at her for a moment.  “So… you’re not going?” He asks. 

Tessa looks up at him inquisitively. 

“On the date.” He clarifies, trying to seem nonchalant. 

“Oh.” Tessa says as if it hadn’t even crossed her mind, as if they hadn’t just been talking about it. “I wouldn’t call it a date, but no.” She fiddles with the box of popcorn, staring at it so she doesn’t have to look at him. “I’m not going.”

“Oh.” Scott says, and then he says something that sounds like, “good." so quietly that Tessa can’t be completely sure she’s heard him right, though deep down, she hopes she has. 

When she looks back up at Scott, he feels a jolt of electricity at the sight of her piercing green eyes. But her face is soft, shy almost, and the blush on her cheeks proves it. Her sweet freckled face brightens a bit when he smiles at her.

"Maybe we can talk about... things sometime." Tessa suggests.

"That would be good." Scott nods. 

As they make their way down the hall, Scott playfully grabs the box of popcorn from her and examines it. “You could’ve done me a favour and gotten the low fat kind.” 

Tessa shakes her head. “That kind tastes the best. Besides, you’re in great shape. 

Scott tosses the box back to her and as he unlocks his door and lets her inside, he says, “ _A bear no matter how he tries grows tubby without exercise_.” 

Tessa turns to him. “Did you just quote Winnie the Pooh?” 

Scott shrugs. “Try not to feel too intimidated. I’m very well read.” 

Tessa throws her head back and laughs that laugh Scott loves so much. She throws the box of popcorn at him, hitting him in the chest. Scott’s so happy all of a sudden he doesn’t even feel it hit him. 

As they’re sitting in Scott’s bed watching the movie, Tessa inches closer to him and rests her head on his shoulder. She finally feels ready to have a real, honest, no holds barred conversation with him. She's going to face it, even if it's scary, because there's no loophole here, she's sure of it now. If she wants the truth about how he feels and she wants to finally face up to her feelings, she's going to have to confront everything head on.

Scott looks down at Tessa, sees how contented she looks, feels how calm her breathing is, smells the familiar scent of her, and he smiles. He's not sure what kind of conversation she's planning on having, but as long as she still wants nights like this with him, he thinks he'll be ok.


	10. A Long Conversation

Tessa suggests they meet at her house on Sunday to talk about things, but Scott says he has a better idea. He sends her an address and Tessa meets Scott in an old car park behind a church. There’s snow on the ground and the sky is gray. 

“I hope you didn’t bring me here to murder me.” Tessa mumbles as they climb out of their respective cars. 

Scott smiles and just shakes his head. “Did you bring your skates?” Is all he asks. He has his slung over his shoulder. 

Tessa pulls hers out of her trunk. 

“Come on.” Scott smiles, offering her his hand. She takes it and he guides her to a little path nearly overtaken by the thicket of dark woods around the perimeter of the church. 

They wind their way through the old broken trees for what was probably just a couple of minutes but what feels like years to Tessa who’s pressed her body even closer to Scott’s. 

“Not too convinced about the murder thing.” Tessa says nervously (She’s joking, but she doesn’t like small dark spaces). 

Scott squeezes her hand. “You’re ok.” He tells her. “I got you. No leprechauns in these woods, Virtch, don’t worry.”  Tessa laughs, elbows his side. She can’t believe he remembers those sleepovers they’d had. She can’t believe _she_ remembers. 

“Here we go.” Scott says. They stop in front of a large boulder, still surrounded by trees on all sides.  Scott hoists himself up onto it and reaches down for Tessa’s skates. He tosses them over his other shoulder. “You good?” He asks.

Tessa looks up at him, annoyed and sets a hand on her hip. “ _This_ ” She gestures to the boulder she’s about to climb, “is something a person should know about beforehand.” 

Scott beams. “I wanted you to actually show up, though. It’ll be worth it, I promise.” 

Tessa rolls her eyes but when she hears a twig break somewhere in the woods behind her, she’s quickly pushing herself up the big rock, wet from snow and melted ice. She doesn’t need his help, but Scott’s quick to grab her waist anyway and stand up with her. “You alright?” He asks. 

She pushes his chest playfully. “Yeah, yeah. This better be good, Moir.” 

Scott chuckles and takes her hand again even though the clearing is just up ahead. He carries her skates the rest of the way for her.  When they reach the clearing, Scott keeps his eyes on Tessa. He wants to see her face when she sees it, and he’s rewarded with a quick gasp and her big green eyes getting even bigger and greener as she clasps her free hand over her mouth and squeezes his hand tight. 

She stares for a moment, takes everything in.  The small lake they’re on is surrounded on all sides by white birch, which, if one didn’t know better, one would simply think they were an extension of the snow, and fluffy evergreens which fill the air with their gentle fragrance.  The lake itself is a luminescent blue green, almost glowing. Scott’s father, when they’d come fishing here in the summers of his childhood, had told him the colour comes from green limestone beneath the surface of the water. In fact, the whole area used to be a working quarry, but had since been abandoned.

“Oh, Scott.” Tessa breathes beside him. 

Scott smiles. “Told you it would be worth it.” 

Tessa looks up at him and for a few moments they stay that way, lost in the other’s eyes. Scott runs a hand down Tessa’s arm. “You wanna skate?”

Tessa nods and then falters. “How do you know it’s um… solid?” 

Scott’s eyebrows shoot up. He’s never skated here before. He hadn’t really thought about that. Oops.  He bends down and picks up a decently sized rock before chucking it out across the ice. It makes several sharp _boing_ ing sounds and skids to a stop on the other side of the lake. 

Scott shrugs at Tessa. “Seems solid to me.” He says. 

Tessa shakes her head. “You’re an idiot.” She says teasingly. 

“I’ll test it out first.” Scott says. 

He sits on a small boulder by the edge of the lake and laces his skates up before stepping gingerly onto the ice. It’s cold out, cold enough where Scott can see his breath and admire Tessa’s little red nose, but there’d been a warm streak of days earlier in the week. He hopes it wasn’t too much for the ice to weaken.  But he skates out to the middle and back without issue, and then he holds his arms out for Tessa. 

“Well?” He asks.

“Mh. Okay.” She says. She really wants to skate, but she really does _not_ want to fall into a frozen lake. It seems alright though, the way Scott was able to skate around on it. 

She gets out on the ice and Scott takes her hand, but pulls away almost immediately.  “I mean… is this alright?” He asks. 

Tessa nods. They haven’t skated alone together, like truly alone without anyone watching in so long she can’t even remember the last time. 

Tessa’s wearing a parka, but her hands are cold. Scott makes her stop and takes his toque off and puts it on Tessa’s head. She giggles as he pulls it over her eyes first by accident. He has to fold the bottom up because it’s too big. They both laugh at that. 

“Thank you.” She says softly.

Scott leans forward, pressing his forehead to the little ridge he just folded on the hat and Tessa shuts her eyes.  Scott exhales deeply and his hands run down the arms of her parka until he reaches her hands and she opens her eyes. 

Scott smiles weakly. “Let’s go.” He says. 

The two of them stroke around the ice in silence for some time, just taking in the scenery. It’s so beautiful. 

“So,” Scott's the one to break the silence. “Should we talk?” 

Tessa immediately feels defensive and she knows it’s wrong of her. She knows there’s no reason to feel defensive around Scott, but she can’t help it, it’s just how she is. She’s always been this way. 

“What do you want to talk about?” She answers somewhat dumbly, and Scott rolls his eyes. 

“Come on.” He says. “Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” She asks. 

“I think you know what I want to talk about.” He says.

Tessa doesn’t respond so Scott sighs. “I want to talk about us. I want to talk about the way it feels to be around each other again, the way it feels to hold hands again, the way it seems like _you_ feel, just… I’m not crazy here, am I?”

Tessa’s chewing her lip, looking down at her skates as they glide across the ice. “No.” She says softly. “You’re not crazy.” It’s almost like admitting defeat for some reason. 

“Ok.” Scott says. “Then you did like it, when I um kissed your foot?” It feels weird to say it. It was probably a weird thing to do, but Scott had felt like it was right in the moment. He still feels like it was right. 

Tessa nods shyly. 

“Ok.” Scott says again, letting out a deep breath. These conversations are hard to have in general, but with Tessa it’s like pulling teeth. “And when you um… when you didn’t go out with that guy because you wanted to watch a movie… did you um, did you just want to watch a movie or did you want to watch a movie with _me_?” 

“With you.” She says quietly, eyes still focused on the ice. 

The words echo in Scott’s ears like a heart beat; _with you, with you, with you._ Scott feels his heart leap in his chest. _With me_. He thinks. _With me, with me._ His grip on her hand tightens so much that she looks up at him. He’s smiling, but she looks terrified.  “What’s wrong?” He asks, stopping them in the middle of the lake. 

Tessa swallows. “It’s too soon.” She says. 

“What do you mean?” 

I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing, you know? I just took this job because it felt like a way I could help and I broke up with Chris and he was so - and you broke up with Ava and this - I mean, this is the longest I’ve been home in _years_ and I don’t know it’s not what I pictured for myself after the Olympics but - but… and you - we haven’t talked in so long, Scott. You didn’t _talk_ to me for _so_ long! And I mean it’s not even the first time you’ve done that to me and I-“ 

“Whoa, ok, whoa, whoa.” Scott takes both of Tessa’s hands and a deep breath. “Let’s start with the most important thing, ok? Are you happy here? Are you happy in living here, coaching? And, forget about everything else, ok? Do you like what you’re doing here more than what you were doing before?” 

Tessa closes her eyes and thinks that _yes._ She does. She knows she does. It’s why she stayed, why she’d been so happy to take the job. “Yes.” She answers. 

Scott feels relieved. “Good.” He says. “Ok. Number two, about me. Tess, you have to know I didn’t want to ignore you. Like I said before, it was just so, _so_ painful to talk to you when I still _wanted_ you.  And I wanted to give you that space to be happy. I always want you to be happy, you have to know that, too. It was the only way I could manage it at the time. It was the only thing I could think to do, and it was wrong, I know that, but in a way, it was what you wanted.”

“I wanted my friend.” She says. “We said we would still be friends.” 

“We were.” He says. “We’re always going to be friends. And that’s why I had to stop talking to you. Because you were my _friend_. And I wanted you as more than that and I couldn’t take it. I never meant it to go on so long, but when you came back, when I could talk to you in person, I thought it would be a good time to explain things only-”

“I didn’t let you.” She nods. She knows. He’s told her this and she understands it. And she’d understood it when it happened in the past as well, but she can’t do it anymore. 

“You can’t do that ever again.” She says. 

Scott shakes his head. “Never.” 

“Even if it hurts, whatever happens, no matter how much it hurts, Scott, you can’t do that to me again.”  She doesn’t care if this is selfish, if he cares for her the way she cares for him, he’ll endure it the same way she would.

“I promise.” He says. “Never again. I swear, Tessa.” 

She observes him, the look of pain on his face as he thinks about how he’d hurt her. 

“You hurt me too, you know.” He says, his eyes angled downward. 

Tessa draws a shaky breath. “I know.” She says. “I’m sorry.” 

Scott shakes his head. “No, I didn’t mean - don’t apologise. I just mean when you assumed I wanted something without really talking to me about it. I want you to know that I didn’t have a plan, like I didn’t have a vision of what my life was going to be like.” 

Tessa digs her toe pick hard into the ice. 

“I wanted _you._ ” Scott says. “That’s all. And I know who you are, Tess - or I did. I wasn’t ever expecting you to be someone you’re not. I wouldn’t ever have asked that of you.” He moves a little closer. So I was hurt I guess that you'd think I would. And I don’t know about you, but I thought we were pretty good together. I was pretty happy, I mean.” He takes her hand, runs his thumb across her fingers, rosy with the cold.  “You should really have some gloves on.” He says, smiling fondly. “Come here.” He gestures for her other hand and she gives it to him, watches as he pulls them toward his pockets and tucks them in. Her wrists have to curl awkwardly but it’s warm, and it brings her closer to Scott. She has the urge to rest her head on his shoulder but resists. 

“It’s ok, Tess.” He says, sensing her reluctance. 

She looks up at him and he smiles softly at her.  Slowly, timidly, she rests her head on his shoulder, lets her cheek nuzzle the fabric of his parka. She can feel his warmth through it and she closes her eyes and lets herself be comforted by his presence. His arms encircle her, holding her close.

“I’m not asking for anything.” Scott says in a near whisper. “I’m not asking you to decide anything, I’m not asking you to do any work or any thinking about us, even. I’m not expecting you to have answers, I’m not even asking questions. I’m just offering myself in whatever way you want me. We don’t have to label anything right now.” 

Tessa feels every fiber of her being relax against him, and Scott smiles as he feels it too.

“I promise no matter what, Tess. You’ve got me.” He says. “I promise.” 

Tessa nods just as they hear a loud creaking sound. She pulls her hands from his parka and Scott seizes one quickly, 

“Let’s go.” He says, and she can hear the fear in his voice. They make it almost all the way back when the ice gives way under Scott and his leg plunges into the ice up to his thigh.  “Ah!” He yells at the freezing pain that shoots through him. He lets go of Tessa immediately, telling her to go as he struggles to free his leg, but she doesn’t. 

She’s yelling at him, “Scott, Scott, stop!” 

“Fuck.” He says, “Fuck, it’s cold.” 

“Lean back.” Tessa directs him urgently. She remembers the way he pulled her foot from the dock at Meryl’s cottage all those years ago. She thinks that might work on his leg now. 

Scott winces, his face screwed up in pain. 

“I know.” She says. “Scott, look at me.” She doesn’t have the time he’d had back then, but she doesn’t seem to need it because he looks at her like she’s the only thing he ever sees anyway.  “Ready?” She asks quietly, “Just a little…” She hold him under his thigh and pulls up before getting a hand under his soaking wet knee and pushing his leg back until it’s freed. Then she helps him up, gets under his shoulder so he can lean on her as they skate carefully back to the edge of the little lake. 

“Ah, fuck.” Scott winces again. He can’t feel his lower leg. He struggles with the laces of his skate. 

“Shh.” Tessa says, stilling his hands with hers. He lets his fall away, watches as she unlaces him, slides his foot carefully out of the skate, cradling his heel. She peels off his sock and grabs his boot, guiding his foot in gently. He’s shivering now and she shucks her jacket off and lays it over him. 

“Tess.” He protests. “Tessa stop it, put that back on.” 

She rips his toque off and pulls it back onto his head snugly. 

“Tess. Please, you’re going to freeze.” He says. 

She ignores and falls back to her knees, unlacing his other skate. She’s shivering and her hands are raw and red, but she doesn’t care. She gets him into his other boot and ties his skates together before quickly untying hers and getting her own boots back on. 

“Tessa.” Scott’s standing now on the leg that didn’t go into the ice. He drapes her coat over her shoulders. She’s shaking now and he can’t stand to see her that way.  She leaves it unzipped, too concerned with Scott’s leg to care. 

“Come on.” She says, taking his hand and guiding him back into the woods. It’s darker now, and harder to see in the trees, but Tessa navigates the little corridor quickly, both their skates over her shoulder. Scott keeps trying to grab them back, keeps telling her he’s fine, but she won’t hear it.

When they get to the boulder they pause. “I can lift you down.” Scott says, getting ready to jump down to the ground below. 

“Stop it.” Tessa says, pulling at his hand. She won’t be able to forgive herself if he gets hurt.  She grabs a tree branch by the side of the rock and slowly walks backward down the rock. “Just lean toward me.” Tessa says, holding her arms up. 

“Tess.” Scott’s smiling now. He’s really ok. 

“I can catch you.” Tessa says. He can see how scared she is. 

“Tess, I’m alright.” He tells her. 

She shakes her head. “I don’t care, you’re not jumping down from there with a frozen foot, you’ll break your ankle. Don’t be stupid, Scott.” 

Scott laughs, but when he sees the look on her face, he straightens up. She’s _not_ joking. _Yes, ma’am._ He thinks, smiling inwardly at how much she cares for him. He makes it easier on her, though, sits himself down on the rock and sort of slides off it, allowing her to support him and cushion the impact when his feet hit the ground. 

“I’m ok.” He says to her softly. “I'm ok, Tess. I’m ok.” 

She nods and takes his hand, pulling him through the rest of the trees, into the carpark and over to her car. She walks him to her passenger seat and says, “Get in.”, opening the door for him. He doesn’t protest, just does exactly what she says. 

He watches her from the passenger seat as they drive off. The he sees out of the window behind her is a deep twilight blue now, and it makes her skin almost luminescent. She’s worried, he can see the strain on her face, and she’s breathing hard - or maybe she’s shaking. Scott isn’t sure which.  The heat’s on about a thousand degrees and Scott feels like he’s sweating now with the quick change in temperature, and he’s sure Tessa feels even warmer but she doesn’t touch the temperature dial.  She’s focusing on the road now. Her hands contrast with the dark leather steering wheel. Scott admires the way they look, flushed now, instead of reddened from cold, her nails slightly longer than how she wore them when they were skating. She hadn’t wanted to scratch him then, but now he thinks he might like the feel of them - her nails - on his skin.  Then she’s saying something to him, and he realises it slowly, still busy admiring the way she looks, the way her lips move the way she bats her lashes, the way her eyes study him. 

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?” She’s saying. She’s upset. 

Scott smiles. 

“It’s not funny, Scott! That’s not funny, you could have died or lost your foot! Scott, imagine if something happened I-!” She cuts herself off, shakes her head. 

“Tess.” He places a hand on her thigh and she sighs. He squeezes her thigh slightly, his thumb caressing her gently.  “I’m alright.” He tells her. 

Tessa lets out a long breath, lets one hand fall to her lap, joins her hand with his.

“I’m alright.” He repeats, holding her hand, stroking his thumb over her fingers. 

She comes to a quick halt in front of Scott’s apartment and helps get him inside, even though he has no trouble walking on his own. She pushes him down on the sofa. “Take your pants off.” She says. 

“Wow, Virtch, forward much?” He’s joking. Again, she doesn’t find it funny. 

“Off.” She tugs them a bit, and Scott works them out from under him and off his ankles until he’s in just his boxer briefs. 

He catches Tessa staring at him where she shouldn’t just a little longer than would be strictly friendly, and his breath hitches. But she sets to work, tossing his wet pants in the laundry and rummaging around in his bedroom for a pair of warm sweats.  She chucks them at him, right at his head, but he reacts quickly and catches them. 

“Come here.” Scott says slipping the pants on and patting the sofa. His foot is slightly red, but he has all feeling in it. He’s going to be fine. 

Tessa crosses her arms. 

“Tessa, come here.” He says again. 

She looks unsure. 

“Close you eyes then.” He says, giving up, and she looks at him confusedly. 

She shakes her head slightly. “I should go.”

“No.” Scott says, his eyes twinkling. “You really shouldn’t. You should stay. And you should close your eyes. 

Tessa hesitates for a moment before doing as he says. She closes her eyes.  Scott stands up, moves toward her. 

“Can I touch you?” He asks, and she nods. So his arms come up to caress her back. She stays still, keeps her eyes closed. She still looks worried so he presses a cheek to her forehead and he whispers, “We’re safe.” 

Tessa’s hand clutches at his shirt. 

“It’s alright.” He says, and he begins to rock them slightly. Her breath stutters. It's what she needed to hear. 

“What if it wasn’t?” She asks, her worries ever present. She likes to challenge him with them. 

“You’re never going to lose me, Tess.” Scott says. “Things happen sometimes, people get hurt. Don’t let that scare you away, ok? As long as I have a say, you’re never going to lose me. We always find our way back to each other, right?”

He holds her tightly and feels her nod against him. 

“And as far as us, T,” Scott says, “I want as much as you do. I can’t be the one to make the first move, you understand that, don't you? That has to be you.” 

She nods again, her cheek pressed to his chest. “It’s scary.” She says softly. “I’m scared.” 

“I know.” He says, but he doesn’t truly know. He’s not scared.

“Is it because of Chris?” He asks. “Because I’m not Chris. Whatever he did - whatever happened, I’m not him, T.” 

“I know.” She sighs shakily. But it’s hard to picture herself romantically with someone again. She hadn’t quite realised how hurt she’d been from the whole ordeal, how he’d made her question her behaviours her personality, even if it had been _his_ that were wrong, he’d drilled it into her that they were her fault and it was hard to tell herself otherwise. 

“My heart’s just broken.” She whimpers, trying to brush her hair out of her face. But she’s not entirely sure it’s her _heart_ that’s broken and not her as a _whole_.

“Let me fix it then, Tess.” He whispers, taking her face in his hands and tilting it up to force her to look at him. “I can fix it.” He breathes, and he brushes a strand of hair from her face so gently she thinks maybe she’s made of glass. “If you want me to.” 

Tessa fights the tears she feels well up in her eyes. “I want you to.” She whispers, looking up at him desperately, her lip quivering. “I want you to.” 

He nods, presses his forehead to hers and they both close their eyes. “But I think I need a little time.” She says softly. 

“We have time.” He says. “Take all the time you need.” 


	11. Lunge

Tessa’s been thinking about she and Scott’s conversation. It’s been weeks now, and she’s made no moves one way or another. She keeps thinking about what he’d said, _you have to make the first move._ She’s not good at that - _moves_ are more Scott’s forte. Tessa mostly just sees something she wants and lunges for it. She’s not sure that’s the best tactic here, but on the other hand, she’s not completely sure that Scott doesn’t love that at the same time.  She’s decided she is going to make a move… She thinks she is anyway… Ok, she’s not totally sure. But she keeps thinking about him. She can’t stop thinking about him. 

Presently, Tessa’s over her mother’s helping her prepare for a holiday party the next evening for the family. She’s just come from practice and had been filling her mom in on what she and Scott had been working on with the kids.  Tessa’s busy frosting cookies while in mid thought about how she can’t stop thinking about Scott when her mother asks her from across the kitchen, “Tess, honey, would you like to invite Scott to the party?” 

Tessa’s whips her head up to look at her mother. “Why would I want that? Why would you ask that?” She asks quickly. 

Kate’s a bit taken aback by the defensive response from her gentle daughter. “I don’t know.” She says, “You’ve said how well coaching with him has been going and it seems like the two of you have made some amends and are friends again. I just thought it might be nice to see him, that’s all.”

“Oh.” Tessa says. “Um ok, I can ask.” 

Kate smiles. “Great.” She says nonchalantly.

Tessa calls Scott that evening. It’s funny how she hesitates even just to press his contact in her phone. Since when did she become so jumpy about him?

“Yo, Virtchdog!” He answers. 

Tessa can hear men shouting around him. He must be out at a bar. She shuffles her feet, feels a little funny asking him now for some reason, like, he’s probably having such a fun time out now that she thinks _why would he want to come to a boring holiday party?_

“Hi. She says. “I’m sorry this is probably a bad time.” 

“No!” He says quickly, “No, it’s never a bad time, you can call me any time.” 

Tessa giggles at the way he’d answered so quickly. 

“You think that sounded pretty pathetic, eh?” He asks. 

“No.” Tessa says. “I think maybe you’re a bit tipsy.” 

Scott laughs. “Yeah, you might be right. Hey, why don’t you come down here a while? You busy? It’s just me and a couple of golf buddies, Dan, Joe, Ricky - you know them! Come hang out!” 

Tessa chuckles. “No I think I’m ok here.” She says. 

“It’d be a lot more fun if you were _here,_ though.” Scott replies. 

“I can only party so much in a weekend.” Tessa says, and I’ve actually got a party tomorrow.” 

“Oh yeah?” Scott says. “Jealous. The last time I saw party Virtch was like, a long time ago.” He laughs at the choppiness of his speech. He knows he sounds a bit off. 

Tessa laughs too. “Well, it’s just a family party.” She admits, “But my mom said you’re welcome to come if you want. I mean… I totally understand if not, it seems like you might need some time to recover.” 

“No, I’d love to!” Scott says. “Really, that’s - yeah. I would love to if you’ll have me.” 

“Ok.” Tessa says softly. “If you’re sure. It’s probably not going to be as fun as whatever you’re up to tonight.” 

“Hey Tess?” He asks. 

“Yeah?” 

“As long as _you’re_ there it’ll be a million times better than any party I’ve ever been to.” 

Tessa sighs. _Oh God. He gets so gooey when he’s buzzed._ “Yeah, yeah.” Tessa replies, “I’m sure you say that to all the girls.” 

“Nope.” Scott says. “You’re the only girl.” 

Tessa smiles. “Alright Prince Charming.” She says fondly, “I’ll let you get back to whatever it is you’re up to.” 

“Wait, Tess?” He asks. 

“Mhm?” 

“It’s nice to hear from you.” He says. “I mean… I know I like _saw_ you earlier, but it’s nice that you called. I just like hearing your voice.” 

_Oh, Scott._ She thinks. She doesn’t know how to respond so she says, “You have a way home, yeah? You’re not driving?” 

“I’m not driving.” He assures her. “Thanks, T. I’m being safe.” 

“Ok.” She says. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at six, then.” 

“Tomorrow at six.” He says. “See you then.” 

* * *

Scott finds himself nervous for the Virtue family Holiday party. He’s not really seen any of Tessa’s family since they’d broken up, and he’s not sure they don’t hate him for outright ignoring Tessa for two years. He’s not sure what they know - not sure what Tessa’s told them, but Kate wouldn’t have invited him if she fully hated his guts, right?

He dresses up nicely, wears dark jeans and dress shoes with a nice red sweater and a white collared shirt underneath. 

Tessa picks him up and they head to her mother’s.  “You look really nice.” She tells him, and Scott flushes a bit. 

“Thank you.” He says. Tessa’s wearing a coat so he can’t see what she’s wearing, but he compliments her anyway because she always looks beautiful. 

When they get inside, Tessa takes Scott’s coat to go hang up in the closet, while Kate pulls him into a hug and the rest of the Virtue family gathers around to greet him. 

“Don’t be such a stranger, Scott!” Kate says, “Come on in, let’s get you a drink.” Scott’s in the kitchen waiting for Kate to mix him up a drink she wants someone to experiment when Tessa enters. 

“Wow.” Scott says softly when he sees her. He lets his eyes rake over her form.  Tessa glances at him and smiles shyly. She’s in a green dress with a low neckline and black heels.

“Alrighty!” Kate says cheerfully, turning around to hand Scott his drink. 

“Oh, honey, let me get you one too.” She says. 

Scott takes a sip and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. _That’s strong._

Jordan watches her sister with Scott that night. She’d been a bit skeptical when she heard Scott was coming. She wonders about his and her sister’s relationship now that they’re both single and seeing so much of each other, and she isn’t the least bit surprised when she sees that they’re inseparable the entire night. Honestly it’s as revolting as it used to be, he’s touching her waist, she’s squeezing his arm. _Get a room._ Jordan thinks, but she’s mostly kidding. She’s happy to see them getting on so well again. She doesn’t know if Tessa’s into him _romantically,_ but she can tell Tess is a bit flustered around him. Jordan supposes Scott and her sister have always been a bit… unconventional in their affections, in their downplaying or downright denial of any romance between them, so she won’t ask. But she does notice how Tessa seems happy, she likes how her smile reaches her eyes now. 

Kate thinks the same thing, even hopes that maybe they’re a bit more than friends, but based on Tessa’s reaction to her suggestion he come to the party, she knows better than to ask that outright. 

It’s been a while since all the Virtues have been able to get together, and Tessa feels incredibly happy. Scott enjoys the way she’s so relaxed, she’s so open right now, he likes the way she’s not strayed from his side the entire night, even though he’s pleasantly surprised to see how her family has welcomed him back as though no time has passed at all. Scott enjoys how Tessa jokes with him, bumping her arm into his, or squeezing his bicep, even. He can’t help but get caught up in those actions. _That’s something_ , he thinks. _It has to mean something, right_?

They eventually find themselves alone, in the living room in front of a roaring fire while the rest of the group is gathered in the kitchen scavenging the last of the dessert plates. 

“You mom makes a mean drink.” Scott says, smiling at Tessa as he drains the last of his second drink. He’s only allowing himself two because they need a way to get home and Tessa hasn’t apparently thought that far ahead as she’s already on her third and very clearly in no condition to drive. But her eyes are gleaming and her cheeks are rosy and she just looks so cute that Scott can’t stop looking at her. 

“You really do look nice.” Tessa says again out of the blue. She’s taken a step closer and Scott can smell her lotion. 

“Thank you.” He says lowly. 

Tessa lets her hand come up slowly and run from his stomach up his chest and to his collar. She drags her hand down then, catching his chain under her fingers and then running them as much as she can along the skin there. He’s only left the first two buttons of his undershirt undone, though he wishes he’d left more if it meant she would touch more of him. But they shouldn’t be doing this here. His brain is catching up to him. Her family could walk in and Tessa would surely hate all the questions this little display would spark.  But _God_ , she’s eyeing him like he’s a piece of meat, and he can’t remember the last time she looked at him that way, it was so long ago, and it feels so good.

Her other hand glides across his stomach and he tightens his abs for her, hoping she remembers the feeling.  “Hmm.” She hums happily, pulling her lower lip between her teeth. 

Scott reaches out then, holds one hand at her waist, the other at the small of her back.  “You’re something else, you know that?” He tells her. 

Tessa shrugs. It’s quite a leap from the usual restraint she’s shown around him, but she’s just enjoying the way she’s feeling right now. Her family’s here, it’s the holidays, she’s lightheaded and full of vim from her drink, and Scott’s right here in front of her and he smells nice and his body’s warm and _hard_ and she likes the way his hands feel on her. Plus, she thinks a _move_ might be easier to make with the help of a little alcohol.

She presses herself further against him, and Scott shuts his eyes for a moment. The feel of her body there and her hands all over him is just a _lot_ all of a sudden, and it’s come from seemingly nowhere and taken him by surprise. Plus, he’s a little inebriated, and he’s sure that’s not helping. 

Scott clears his throat, feels himself grow hot. “Tess.” He manages to grunt out. He takes her wrists in his hands, lowers them, and Tessa pouts. 

“What’s wrong?” She asks in a whisper. 

“Nothing.” He assures her. “Really nothing’s wrong, but uh…”

“Tess! You gotta try-” Jordan barges in laughing and double fisting cookies. 

Scott and Tessa draw apart immediately, but Jordan’s gotten pretty good at picking out when they’re having a _moment._ “Oh.” She says. “Uh… never mind. Carry on.” She turns on her heels and heads back to the kitchen. 

Tessa’s face is bright red. 

Scott laughs. “Yeah.” He says. “There’s that.” 

When they leave, Scott helps Tessa to the car, and makes her give him the keys. “Nice try, Virtch but I’m guessing you can’t even _think_ in a straight line right now. 

Tessa giggles all the way back to her house, fiddles with the radio, and finally puts her hand on Scott’s thigh. The rest of it he can take, but the hand on his thigh is enough to make his stomach flip in the best way.  He helps Tessa inside when they finally arrive, and almost immediately she pushes him against the wall in her hallway. 

“Easy there, tiger.” He whispers, but she’s untucking his sweater before he can stop her.  “Hey.” Scott says, his hands coming up to cup her face. “We’re not doing this now.” 

Tessa pulls at his sweater. “Scott.” She sighs. “Can you just take this off?” 

It’s incredibly endearing and she’s so very cute. But then she slips her hands under the sweater out of frustration and runs them all across his chest, using her nails to scrape at him through the fabric of his shirt. 

Scott grunts quietly. “Alright, kiddo.” He says, “I’m stopping you right there.” He pulls her arms out from under his sweater. “We’re not doing this until you’re sober.” 

Tessa crosses her arms and mumbles. 

“Come on, let’s get you some water.” He says, pulling her into the kitchen. 

* * *

It’s Monday and Tessa finds herself blushing every time she looks at Scott. She remembers how brash she’d acted at the party and She’s slightly embarrassed about it, but it’s been so long. She’s frustrated. 

Tessa, Ruby and Avery are in Tessa’s office having lunch together as has become their custom on Mondays and Thursdays.  Tessa’s happy to see that Ruby seems to feel more relaxed while having lunch now and Avery is a welcome addition to their little group. Scott has lunch with the boys in his office. Normally, they use the time to talk about the kids’ partnerships and vent out any frustrations they might be having, but today Avery has a question for Tessa. 

“Coach T?” She asks between bites of her pb&j. The kids have taken to calling Tessa Coach T instead of Coach Tessa because it’s what Scott calls her. 

“What’s up?” Tessa asks Avery. She’s halfway through an apple. 

“Are you and Coach Scott dating?” 

Tessa chokes on her apple and has to take a long drink of water. “No, no, Aves, why do you ask that?” Tessa wonders, trying not to sound alarmed though her heart is racing. She’s not sure why this scares her so much. 

Avery shrugs. “Just… everyone sort of says you are and like, it kind of seems like it.” 

Tessa glances at Ruby who nods sheepishly. 

“Does it, really?” Tessa asks, confused. She didn’t think they were acting out of the ordinary. The ball was in her court, and she wasn’t sure what to do with it just yet. She was still working on it.

“Well, you’re always holding hands.” Avery says. 

“Yeah, and you guys _look_ at each other like… a lot.” Ruby adds, giggling. 

“Do we?” Tessa says, half distracted. She hadn’t realised. 

After practice and Scott is in his office going over some footage on his computer when he hears the music in the dance studio.  He knocks on the door while Tessa is between songs, and she whirls around to see him, a shy smile on her face. 

“Hey.” Scott says fondly. He likes when she looks all _exerted_ the way she does now, with her hair tied back in a loose ponytail and her skin glistening with sweat. 

“Hey.” Tessa says, and then, since she hasn’t really had a moment alone with him all day she says, “Thanks for taking care of me the other night. I guess my mom’s drinks are stronger than I remember.” 

Scott laughs. “No worries.” He says. “It’s pretty fun to see you get all feisty like that.” 

Tessa grimaces. “Oh yeah. And that… I’m sorry about that - being all _touchy._ ” 

Scott laughs. “Tess, you can be as touchy as you want under normal circumstances, I was just pretty sure your family wouldn’t be too keen on us getting all _touchy_ mid-party.” 

“Yeah.” Tessa says. “Yeah, oh my God thank you for having some sense.” 

Scott cocks his head. “I don’t know T, I’m not really sure stopping a beautiful girl from putting her hands all over me qualifies as having sense.” 

“They weren’t _all_ over you.” Tessa says, blushing at the compliment. 

“Yeah.” Scott says. “No, you’re right.” His tongue darts out across his lips and Tessa swallows hard. 

“Scott?” She asks. 

“Hm?” 

“Will you dance with me?” She asks. 

She hadn’t planned on dancing with him, but seeing him there and thinking of the way it had been to touch him and how they’d danced before made her want it more than anything. 

“Oh.” Scott says in a breath. “Oh, um. Yeah, yes. Of course.” 

Tessa grabs his hand and pulls him to the middle of the studio, handing him her phone and looking up at him expectantly. 

He laughs. He’d always been the one to provide the music. 

“You can pick, Tess.” He says. 

Tessa shakes her head. “I want you to.” She wants to feel him all over. She wants his hands on her body and his music in her ears. 

“Wow, no pressure.” He mumbles, taking her phone and scrolling through until he can find a song. 

He decides something slow-ish would be good; fit the mood, and decrease the chances of him stepping all over her feet now that they're out of practice. Plus, to be honest, he wants to hold her close.  He plays _Flowers_ by Pants and Animals, and Tessa sighs deeply. She loves this song. 

She reaches for Scott, holding his shoulders as he takes her waist.  He finds himself breathing heavily, his hands slightly above her hips. He can feel the very bottom of her ribcage. It just doesn’t feel right to grip her any lower. He’s not sure she wants that. 

They sway together and he spins her at a flourish in the score, earning him a sweet little laugh that put him at ease.  He pulls her back against him a little tighter, feeling the way her hips move, then and, as the song ends, he dips her just for fun and brings her back up, his hand cradling the back of her head as he’d done so many times before. But those times were choreographed. This is all _them_. This is spontaneous. This is what he wants.  And now he wants to kiss her. He wants it so badly. All he can do is look in her deep green eyes and at her rosy cheeks and pink lips and -

There’s a loud bang at the end of the hallway. There’s a dance class scheduled tonight, and suddenly they hear the chatter of children coming down the hall.

Scott laughs at how caught up he’d been. “I guess we should-“ He’d started to say _We should go, before the class arrives_ , but Tessa had surged forward, a hand at the base of his neck and one at his cheek, and she’d kissed him silent. 

_Lunge,_ Tessa thinks to herself, _This is a lunge, not a move._ But she can't bring herself to care when her lips are on his like this. It’s the first time they’ve kissed in _years_ and Tessa feels like all the air is pressed from her body, like she’s weightless and floating and all she feels, _finally_ , is him. 

Tessa’s hand falls to Scott’s chest, her fingers dragging down, bumping over the ridges of muscle he’s maintained from their previous training. When she reaches the hem of his shirt, she pushes it up slightly and runs a hand, palm flat, along his waistline, and Scott’s so taken off guard by it that he sucks on her bottom lip a bit too hard and he swears she _moans,_ but he has to tell himself it’s just his imagination or he won’t ever be able to get it out of his head.  Tessa’s lips are like little butterflies, soft and sweet and they fit so perfectly with his that he can hardly _think_.

But the voices in the hall grow louder, and Tessa finally pulls away just as the first children and the teacher enter the studio, and it feels like the hardest thing either of them have ever had to do.  They’re breathless now, both of them, and neither of them can seem to look away from the other. _Kiss me again._ Scott wants to say, but he knows they can’t. Not here. He’s seriously about to suggest they go back to his office when Tessa bites her lip and looks around embarrassedly. 

“See you tomorrow.” She says softly, her face flushed. She hurries out of the studio leaving Scott there breathless and blinking.

* * *

When Tessa gets dinner with Jordan that night she brings up what Avery and Ruby had said, conveniently leaving out the part where she’d decided to ambush him with a kiss. She’s embarrassed by it still. 

“Do people think Scott and I act like we’re dating?” She asks. 

Jordan just laughs. 

“What?” Tessa asks. 

“You’re insane.” Jordan says. 

“What do you mean?” Tessa feels defensive. 

“I mean you and Scott have _always_ been like that. You guys have no boundaries. It’s kind of hot, but at the same time like… get a room y’know?”

“Jord!” Tessa balks. 

“Hey, you asked.” Jordan shrugs. “Wait, why _are_ you asking?”

Tessa blushes. “I don’t know. Just curious.” 

“Oh come on.” Jordan says. “Spit it out.” 

“Just… a couple of the girls I coach brought it up.” 

Jordan’s eyes widen and she stares at Tessa a moment before bursting into laughter. “Oh, God!” She says, gasping for air through her laughter. “Oh, Jesus God, you guys can’t even keep it in your pants around the _kids_?”

“No!” Tessa says, “It’s not like that! Stop, Jordan, it’s not funny!” Tessa crosses her arms and pouts like a child while Jordan continues laughing. 

“Stop it.” Tessa says again. 

“I’m sorry.” Jordan says breathlessly wiping a tear from her eye. “Oh, _fuck,_ Tess, that’s… I mean that’s just gold. I’m sorry. I mean they’re like twelve, right? You need little twelve year olds to tell you you’re into Scott? Really, you can’t see it yourself yet?”

“Of course I can.” Tessa says bluntly. “I know I… I _want_ him, but I don’t know if sometimes I mistake that for wanting _him,_ you know?” 

Jordan rolls her eyes. “Stop being so cryptic. So you want to fuck him but you’re not sure if you want more, that’s what you mean?” 

Tessa’s face is red and she looks down at the table feeling embarrassed.

“Tess, it’s fine, I’m not going to go tell the press, Jesus, they really did a number on you.” 

Tessa looks away. 

“Oh, Tess, come on. I’m sorry.” Jordan says, taking Tessa’s hand from across the table. “Look, I’m not a huge fan of the way you guys handle things, but Scott’s a good guy.” Jordan says. “Anyone can see he’s lovesick for you.” 

“He is?” That got Tessa’s attention and she looks back at Jordan, who has a smug smile on her face. Tessa withdraws her hand. 

“Don’t just say stuff like that.” Tessa says. 

“I’m not just saying it.” Jordan says. “I’m talking about the eye fucking and all that… _touching_ or whatever the fuck that was that I walked in on the other night. And I’m talking about the _years_ of moments just like that I’ve had to endure because you two can’t get your shit together and just fuck on a regular basis like two reasonable adults who can admit that they want to be together.” 

Tessa opens her mouth but can’t find the words to respond. 

“Look,” Jordan continues, “you say you’re not sure you want to be _with_ him, and it’s because your whole life people have been telling you that you want to be with him, right? So you’re not really sure if you want it or if you’re just listening to what people tell you you want. Does that sound accurate?” 

Tessa just nods because somehow she’s been trying to capture that very same idea in her head for years, and Jordan’s done it in a second. 

“And you’ve tried being on your own. That’s what these whole past few years were about, right? Being on your own, away from Scott.” 

Tessa nods. 

“But the first thing you did when you came back was accept a job where you’re literally working with Scott every day.” 

Tessa looks away again. 

“Tess, I understand wanting to resist whatever bullshit the media puts out there about you two, but they don’t know your story. Nobody except you and Scott know it. There’s nobody that can take that away from you guys, and so what if they think they can? It doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy, right?” 

Tessa sighs. 

“It’s not worth torturing yourself over and wasting years of your life trying to resist it just because you resent the idea that someone else thinks they know you.” Jordan says. “Not everything’s been rainbows and butterflies, you guys have worked hard on your relationship. Nobody can take that from you, Tess, that’s yours. I promise.”

Tessa looks at her sister. She wants nothing more than to give her a hug and thank her a million times for understanding her better than she even understands herself. 

Jordan shrugs. “There’s nothing wrong with _wanting_ him _and_ wanting _him._ That’s actually the ideal relationship, isn’t it?” She says, and then she shudders. “God, don’t ever let me say that again.” 

Tessa laughs and Jordan joins her. 

“Thank you.” Tessa says. “Jord, thank you.” 

“Always got your back.” Jordan says, and then steals three of Tessa’s French fries. “Compensation for my services.” She says, winking. 


	12. A Date

Scott breezes into her office one morning a few days after they kissed. He says nothing, not at first, just walks up to her desk and sets a coffee down for her. She already has one, sitting on a pile of books next to her open laptop. It drives Scott crazy the way she’ll perch beverages so precariously close to expensive electronics, but he doesn’t say anything about that either. Not now. 

Tessa smiles up at him and it’s clear that she’s been here for a while already. She’s fidgeting with a pen cap, rolling it between the fingers of her right hand, the rest of the pen safely covered by her hair and resting on her ear, ready for whenever she might need to jot down a note on the yellow legal pad in front of her. She’s got the kids’ programs they’d taped pulled up on her laptop and is trying to make some tweaks before they head off to their biggest competition yet this coming weekend, and Scott loves her. He loves how much she cares. And God, it looks like she’s going to need that second coffee after all. 

“Did you _sleep_ here?” He asks, breaking the silence, finally. 

Tessa glares at him. “No.” She says. “But I… woke up in the middle of the night with some ideas and I just had to get them written down and then I sort of went down a rabbit hole and I came in early because I couldn’t go back to sleep.” 

“Tess, they’re going to be great.” Scott says. 

“No, I know.” She says back, her eyes focused on her laptop. “I just want to make sure they’re the _greatest._ ” 

Scott chuckles. “Don’t push your perfectionism on them.” He’s meant it as a joke, but he can tell immediately he shouldn’t have said it.

Tessa’s head whips up. 

“Scott nudges the coffee toward her. “I didn’t mean it like that, I was joking.” He clarifies because he feels the need to. 

When Tessa’s face doesn’t lighten, he nods at the coffee. “Double espresso.” He tells her. “It’s still hot.” 

Tessa bites her lip but takes the bait, reaching out slowly for the coffee. She’s too tired to bicker and she takes a long sip and lets it warm her from the inside out.  “It’s not that they need to be perfect, Scott. I know perfection doesn’t exist.” She tells him, the coffee softening her affect. “But I want to do right by these kids. They work so hard for us and I just want to give that back, I want to work just as hard for them.” 

Scott smiles. He knew she’d make a brilliant coach. “I know.” He says. “And you’re preaching to the choir on that one, so show me what you’ve got there, eh?” 

Tessa turns her laptop to him and plays the parts of the clips where she’s considering certain additions or changes and Scott nods and offers his input and when they head out on the ice everything seems to fall into place and translate exactly the way they’d envisioned, and they’re working together and everything feels right. And then it’s lunchtime and the kids are eating together so Scott joins Tessa in her office again and they sit on the sofa and joke about idiots at the gym and they flirt and Tessa touches Scott’s arm and looks at him like he’s hung the moon and Scott feels like he’s on top of the world. He feels so high on top of it that he says _fuck it_ to his usual restraint and he asks her if she’d like to go on a date. 

“A _date?_ ” She laughs, and Scott laughs back. 

“What?” He says. “I want to take you out. Why is that so funny?” 

“Because we’ve never _dated_.” She says. 

And it hits Scott like a ton of bricks. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Yes we did. After Pyeongchang?”

Tessa shakes her head. “We never went on _dates_.” She says. “We never dated like that.” 

Scott kicks himself internally because she’s right. They never did. How had he been such an idiot?

Tessa shrugs because she can tell he feels badly about it. “We never really needed to.” She says. “I think so much just went without saying.” 

Scott chews it lip. It _had_ felt that way, and they’d been trying their best to keep things quiet, but he should have said it anyway. He should have taken her on dates, even if she’d wanted to be secretive about it, he should have found a way. She deserved that. “I don’t want to be like that now.” Scott tells her. “I want to take you out. I want to hold your hand and I want to dance with you and not care who’s watching.” He tells her. “ I wanted that then too but…” 

“It wasn’t what I wanted.” Tessa says. “I know. It’s not your fault.” 

“Do you want that now?” Scott asks. “To not care what people think or that they see us together?” 

Tessa’s silent for a while. It’s exactly what she’s tried to avoid for so long. She’s terrified of it, but she _does_ want it. 

“Because I think you want that.” Scott says. “I think you’re just scared.” 

Tessa would never admit to being afraid of something like that out loud, and Scott knows this. He knows it'll get a reaction out of her.

“I’m not scared.” She says. A boldfaced lie, and Scott knows it. He smiles slyly at her. “No?” He asks. “So then you’re not scared about the idea of me picking you up and taking you to dinner, just the two of us?” 

A slow smile spreads across Tessa’s face. She giggles at the idea of it - she and Scott on a _date._

Scott raises his eyebrows. “Something funny?” He asks, leaning toward her. He ghosts a hand across her thigh. 

“No.” She whispers, trying and failing to hide her smile. 

“Good.” He says, his hand moving to her back. “Then how about Thursday night?” 

“Ok.” Tessa says softly, her cheeks pink. She likes the way he touches her.

“Ok.” Scott says, smiling like he just won the Olympics all over again. 

* * *

He’s gone full on corny for this date, but he doesn’t care. He’s never _dated_ Tessa Virtue and now’s his chance to finally change that and he’s going all in. He’s told her to dress up, that they’re going somewhere _very romantic_ , and he heard her groan over the phone when he'd said it, and he’s joking mostly, but he is sentimental about the place. He knows she’ll love it. 

He rings her doorbell dressed in a suit with a bouquet made up of lots of pink flowers in hand and when she answers her eyes light up. “Scott.” She says, “You didn’t have to.” And he knows what she means is _you didn’t have to but I’m so glad you did._ She takes the flowers from him carefully and invites him in while she puts them in a vase.

“I wanted to.” He says. There are _so many_ things he wants to do. 

“They’re beautiful.” She says, fingering the petals with her gentle hands. “Oh.” She sighs. She’s a sucker for a good bouquet and he smiles proudly because he knows it. If he were really trying to go full on movie-level corny, he’d have responded with, _not as beautiful as you_ , and he’d have watched her roll her eyes but her cheeks would color nonetheless. But he’s got something better in mind for tonight, and so he pushes off the kitchen island and moves toward her until he can cup her cheek in his hand. She turns toward his touch and he caresses her skin with his thumb. He’s not going to compare her to flowers. Not tonight, because he wants her to know that she’s the _only_ thing he’s thinking about. 

“You are so beautiful, Tess.” He says, watching her smile shyly. And she really is. She’s got a silvery blue slip on with straps so thin he can hardly see them on her shoulders. The dress looks sleek and smooth and the fabric must be cold against her skin because he can see her nipples and that fact makes his heart beat faster and he has to force himself to look away, but when he looks back into her eyes he thinks she knows he was looking at her nipples and he thinks she _likes_ that he was looking at her nipples and now he feels slightly embarrassed and he’s about to say something when she reaches out and runs a hand down his chest. 

“Where are we going?” She asks, her eyes glowing. 

Scott relaxes a bit and leans down so his lips are against her ear. “It’s a secret.” He says, and grins as she shivers at the sound of his voice. He offers her his arm and she takes it happily. He helps her slip a coat on in the hallway and leads her out to his car and opens the door for her the way he wished he’d done for her about a million times before and the way he hopes to do for her a million times after. 

He can feel her stealing glances at him while he drives, but he does his best to stay focused and keep his composure.  “Close your eyes.” He says as they near their destination. 

“Scott.” Tessa moans, begrudgingly. 

“Just do it.” He laughs. “It’ll be a good surprise, I promise.” 

Tessa huffs but complies, still smiling despite her feigned exasperation. She’s nervous the whole way, but she’s made her peace with it. People are going to see them. People are going to stare. People are going to talk. There are going to be rumours. It’s scary but she needs to relax because this is Scott and she thinks they’re finally getting things right and even if they aren’t this is what she wants and it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. But she still has butterflies in her stomach. 

They pull up and Scott parks the car. “Ok.” He says, “Open.”

Tessa’s eyes flutter open and she gasps, clasping her hands over her mouth and then throws her head back laughing loudly. 

Scott beams. He’d been nervous she’d think this was silly. They’re at the diner they used to frequent after competitions when they were little. Tessa’s busy marveling at the place, remembering all the times they’d eaten there in the past when Scott comes over and opens her door for her, taking her hand and helping her out. 

“I thought we’d start small.” Scott says. “Less scary and all.” 

“I’m not scared.” Tessa reminds him falsely, but she hugs him because he understands her so well. 

They’re sat at a booth and Tessa surveys the room. There are a few couple there, older, mostly. She’s sure some of them must notice them, but they might be paying more attention to the fact that the two of them are dressed for a restaurant rather than a diner.  Tessa giggles to herself. “Why did we get so dressed up?” She asks. 

Scott smiles. “So we could get used to people looking at us funny. Plus, I know you like playing dress up… aaand, I like seeing you dressed up.” 

Tessa just laughs and shakes her head. “You are one of a kind Mr. Moir.” She says. 

Scott shrugs. “I'll take that as a compliment.” He says. “So are we going for the milkshakes or…?” He’s checking the menu, seeing what’s changed since they’d been here last many years ago.

“Duh.” Tessa responds plucking the menu from his grasp and turning it to read herself. “Oh my God, I think this is the same menu.” 

Scott nods. “I think so too.” He says laughing. “Not much has changed I guess.” 

Dinner is wonderful and comforting and Tessa gets used to people looking at them for wearing their fancy clothes. 

“Is this weird?” Tessa asks halfway through her chocolate milkshake. 

Scott looks up from his plate of apple pie. “What?” He asks, mouth full.

“Us.” She says. “Is it weird that we’re doing this like… I mean what are we expecting out of it? I feel like maybe we should make sure we’re on the same page, make sure that we have some common goals before we um… get too involved.” 

Scott can’t help but smile at Tessa and her _goals._ But that’s who she is, and he understands. 

“Tess, if I’m being totally honest, I want some of what we had before.” He says, and she’s watching him cautiously. “I want to be best friends but I want a relationship too. Like a real relationship where I can hold your hand in public and you won’t feel weird about spending the night together and maybe where we go on vacations together and to family parties as a couple and… and where I can just be your _person_ , you know? I want you to talk to me and I want you to let me explain myself when I fuck up and when we fight I want to work through it and come out stronger, but mostly I just want _you,_ T. I want to love you and I want you to let me. 

Tessa stares for a moment and the silence feels like a free fall to Scott, but then Tessa smiles and he feels himself relax. 

I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain yourself before.” Tessa says. “But I want to work on it. I want to be your person too. And I know I’m stubborn and being loved is not my strength.” Tessa says softly, and Scott wants to hold her. “But I can work on it. And I want you too.” 

Tessa reaches over the table and Scott takes her hand and squeezes it tightly. “You’re easy to love.” He tells her softly. “I’ll help you work on it.”

“Scott?” Tessa says breathily.” 

“Mhm?” He can’t look away from her. 

“Can I have the rest of your whipped cream?” 

Scott breaks out in a laugh and Tessa follows suit. She’s everything he wants, and he gives her the whipped cream without hesitation. 

Scott drives home slowly, holding Tessa’s hand the whole way. He lets his thumb stroke over the back of her hand and thinks of all the times he’s held her hand in his the same way. This time feels different though. This time it feels like the start of something incredibly real, something even stronger than they had before. 

“Tess?” He says quietly, trying his best not to ruin the moment. 

“Yeah?” She asks. 

“Will you tell me about Chris?” He feels like it might be wrong to bring up her most recent, most serious ex on their first real date, but it also feels like something he needs to know. He feels like they should start fresh, with no secrets or unknowns between them. He wants open communication. 

“Oh.” Tessa says. “Scott, I don’t think it’s important.” She hates the thought of telling him what she’d put up with. She’s embarrassed about it honestly. 

Scott takes a left turn when he should have taken a right and Tessa looks over at him. 

“It’s ok.” Scott tells her. “I just have one more place to take you.”

He drives her to the field they went stargazing in the night Tessa “ran away” from home.  Tessa smiles to herself as she remembers. 

“I don’t have a leather jacket this time.” Scott says. “But I do have a blanket if you’re cold.” 

Tessa nods, and Scott throws the car in park and reaches into the backseat to pull out a red fleece blanket he keeps in case of emergencies. He spreads it gently over Tessa’s little body and she holds it out so he can pull it over the console and squeeze under the remainder of it. He doesn’t mind, he knows Tessa gets a lot colder than he does.  He leaves the heat on in the car because it’s too cold to shut it off and he wants her to be comfortable. 

Tessa rests her head on the console and Scott’s hand immediately goes to her hair stroking slowly.  He smiles softly as he looks at her, and he realises how proud he is to have her as a friend. She’s the strongest person he’s ever known, she’s the kindest, most gentle and generous person, and he feels so lucky she wants to do this again with him. 

“Tess.” He whispers. He knows she’s looking up at the stars through the windshield. 

“Mh?” 

“I know you thought I had a um, _vision_ for my future. Like, things I wanted…” Scott says, “But I didn’t. Really the only thing I ever wanted was you. I just want you to know that.” 

He can hear Tessa swallow. She moves her head back a bit on the console and taps the other side. “Come lay.” She says. 

Scott rests his cheek on the console and their faces are so close now their noses are almost touching. Scott can’t help reaching over and stroking her cheek. Tessa smiles when he touches her. 

“Chris didn’t want me.” She sighs. 

Scott bites his lip. “You don’t need to - Tess you don’t _need_ to tell me -“ He says even though he does want to know. 

She shakes her head slightly and continues. “He wanted someone who fit his _vision_. She says. He wanted someone who could be everything when he wanted them and nothing when he didn’t. He liked to get mad and he liked to yell and he liked to blame it on the way he loved me. And I think it changed me, Scott.” She says, looking away, her face reddening. “I know I should have known better and I shouldn’t have let him get to me but it just seemed to make sense in the moment and it wasn’t until I stepped away and did something for myself that I saw how messed up it was.” Her bottom lip quivers. “So I’m sorry if I’m hesitant or if I need different things now or if I seem different. I don’t want to seem different but… but…” 

“Tessa.” Scott says, his hand stilling on her cheek. “Oh, Tess. It’s not your fault.” Scott’s torn up inside that she had to go through this at all, but especially that she went thought it alone. He’s always told her she was too nice, that she was too sweet and forgiving, but it wasn’t her _fault_. That would never be her fault, it was just her nature. She’s a beautiful person through and through and that fucking asshole had taken advantage of her and he wants to punch something right now but Tessa’s about to cry and suddenly punching things isn’t all that important and he needs to make her feel better. 

“Shh.” He strokes her cheek again and presses their foreheads together. “It’s not your fault.” Tessa sniffles and a tear falls from her eye and rolls downward onto the bridge of her nose where Scott presses his lips to kiss it away. “Of course you’re going to need different things, Tess. We grew up. We’re different people and bad things happened but it doesn’t mean we can’t heal from them, right?” 

Tessa wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and nods. Scott wishes the console weren’t between them so he could pull her into his arms. 

“I’m sorry that happened.” He says. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to make things easier, ok? You don’t have to worry about that. Whatever you need I promise I’ll do it for you.” 

Tessa lets out a soft little sound and reaches her arms out for him and, what do you know? You _can_ hug someone like this. Sure, the position is slightly awkward but Scott’s just happy to have her against him. They’re sitting up now and his hand is on her back and in her hair and her hands are clutching at his suit jacket and then she’s kissing him again and she tastes like chocolate and sugar and tears and it’s perfect, and when Tessa draws back to take a shaky breath, she leans forward and rests her head on Scott’s shoulder and he feels like he’s on top of the world all over again.

“Thank you.” Tessa says softly. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Scott says. “You’re perfect just how you are.” He tells her. “And I know that changes. I wouldn’t ever want you to pretend to be something you’re not, and I wouldn’t ever blame you for it either.” 

They stay like that for a while, both of them looking up at the stars and lazily pointing out a constellation they recognise. Scott can tell Tessa’s tired - dealing with emotions always knocks the life out of her, but he’s so proud of her for facing them. He tells her to lay her head back down, and she does this time. 

He drives them home, careful not to hit any big bumps in the road once he’s sure she’s sleeping. He thinks about what she’s said. He’s sure he’s similarly changed, needs different things, is going to be reluctant or defensive or perhaps even jealous as a result of life experiences, but he knows nobody understands him better than Tessa and he hopes she feels the same about him. 

He wakes her up gently by stroking her hair after he’s pulled into her drive. 

“Oh.” She mutters softly. “Sorry.”

Scott laughs. “That was a heavy conversation.” Scott says, and then they both say at the same time, “Emotions are hard.” And they both smile and laugh and they feel like two mirrors facing one another, reflecting endlessly into the depths of the other.

Scott helps her out of the car, walks her to her door, waits for her to unlock it, and when she turns around, lips poised to say something, he grabs her by the waist and kisses her hard, pressing her up against the door, their breath turning to fog between them as his lips work against hers. His hands slide up her back and into her hair and to her cheeks and then back down her again, tracing her curves.  She lets out a little moan into his mouth and Scott can’t help himself, he moves down to her jaw and then her neck, and she tastes so much like he remembers and he can feel himself losing control and he knows he needs to stop because he wants to do this right, but her hands are in his hair now and they’re pulling just the way they used to, the way that drives him crazy, and he knows she knows it drives him crazy and so she’s _trying_ to drive him crazy and two can play at that game so he runs a hand up her side and lets his thumb brush over her nipple, hard from the cold or the kissing or both, and she gasps into his mouth and he smiles smugly. 

She pulls on the collar of his jacket. “Come inside.” She says, and _fuck_ he wants to hear those words so badly in a different context, but he won’t. Not tonight. But soon, and he tells her this, and she looks disappointed, but he kisses her again and then he says lowly into her ear, “I promise I’ll make it worth the wait.” And she shudders and her eyes are gleaming as she kisses him goodnight.

He takes one last, long look at her and forces himself to stick to his decision to wait. And then he makes sure she gets inside and locks the door before he leaves smiling like an idiot. 


	13. Bet

“I’ll bet you ten bucks they’re a thing.” Drew says lowly, leaning over the seat of the van Scott’s rented to shuttle everyone up to Montreal. 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Drew says. “Anyone with eyes wouldn’t take that bet. Look at them they’re so obvious.” 

Tessa’s in the little gas station shop picking up snacks for the kids and Scott’s at the pump, gassing up the van, but he keeps peeking around the pump to catch a glimpse of Tessa leaning over to retrieve something from the shelves or reaching up, her shirt riding up to reveal her belly.

“Gag me.” Avery says, though in truth she finds it rather entertaining. "They're not a thing. Coach T even said so." 

"That was a while ago." Drew says. "Things change." 

“I’m happy for them.” Ruby says as Tessa comes out of the shop. “Coach Scott was so sad when he and his fiancée broke up.” 

“They weren’t engaged.” Tyson interjects, a little too loudly. 

“Shh!” Drew, Ruby and Avery all shush him at the same time. Tyson rolls his eyes. “Well, they weren’t. He never wore a ring.” 

Avery laughs and Ruby covers her mouth and giggles. 

“Men don’t wear engagement rings.” Avery informs him. 

They watch Tessa pull a bag of Twizzlers out of the array of snacks she has in a paper bag cradled in her arm. She returns to where Scott’s pumping gas and presses it into his chest, looking up at him. The kids can’t see Scott’s face but they all know he’s giving her a _look_ , by the way she smiles and how her face reddens slightly. 

“Ugh.” Drew shudders. 

Tyson’s brow furrows. “Why don’t men wear engagement rings?” He asks just as Tessa climbs back into the van. 

“Because women are still seen as property.” Avery says matter-of-factly and Tessa turns around to look at them just having caught that last part of the conversation. 

“Um… snacks?” She offers, smiling confusedly. She decides she probably doesn’t want to know. 

When they get to the hotel, Avery and Drew hover by the desk. Drew and Tyson have a bet going that Tessa and Scott will share a room, while Ruby and Avery think their coaches would never do that.  When the clerk gives Tessa and Scott each their own room keys to separate rooms, Avery pumps her fist in the air and Ruby, who’s watching from the sofa on the other end of the lobby where she’s watching their bags jumps up and down. 

“Ten bucks.” She says, holding her hand out to Tyson. 

Tyson shakes his head as Drew and Avery make their way back over. “It’s not over ‘till they actually go into separate rooms.” Tyson says, and Drew smiles because Tyson’s right, they have a chance to win yet. 

“What are you going to do? Spy on them?” Avery asks. 

“No.” Tyson says defensively. “We’re just going to prove we’re right… and win ten bucks while we’re at it. 

“Alright, room keys.” Scott says when he rejoins the group. He hands each of them their own key. Avery and Ruby are together and Tyson and Drew will share a room as well.  “No room switching, alright?” He says. “Girls with girls and guys with guys.” 

“And coaches with coaches.” Drew mumbles under his breath, flashing a smile at Tyson who grins. They’re _so_ going to win this bet. 

“What was that?” Scott asks as Tessa joins them. They watch him place a hand on Tessa's back and then watch as she gives him a face as if to say _not here._ Tyson and Drew look at the girls as if to say, _pay up._ The girls look away. 

“We should bring our stuff up so we can get to the rink before dinner.” Tessa says. 

“Yep.” Scott nods. “Alright, meet back here in twenty minutes. 

Scott carries carries his duffel on his shoulder and wheels Tessa’s suitcase behind him. The kids watch as they walk away together laughing. As soon as their coaches are on the elevator, the boys burst out into laughter themselves. 

“Come on.” Ruby grumbles, pulling Avery toward the elevators. 

Avery and Drew have just finished a run-through and they’re waiting for Tyson and Ruby’s music to start.

“What if coach T is just here for Scott?” Drew suggests. 

Avery immediately whips her head over to him. “She’s not.” She says sternly. 

Drew shrugs. “How do you know?” 

Avery crosses her arms. “Because she’s here for us.” She says. “Don’t you realise how much she’s helped us? Of course she’s here for us.” Avery’s angry now. “Just because she might like Coach Scott doesn’t mean she’s going to forget about us.” 

“Alright.” Drew says, backing off. “You don’t have to get so defensive.” 

“I’m not defensive.” She bites back. “You’re just saying stupid stuff.” 

Avery chews her lip and tries to get what Drew said out of her head. She’s never felt like Coach T wasn’t here for them, but now she can’t help thinking about it. What if Coach T doesn’t care about them the way she thinks and she’s only here for Coach Scott? Avery's already seen that happen with her mom's boyfriends - they'll pretend to like her, pretend they're interested in what she's saying, only to leave without a trace once they and her mom break up. Coach T has been the only person she’s really felt like she could talk to. She loves Coach Scott, sure, but Coach T gets what it’s like to be a _girl_ in figure skating, and it would break her heart to know that she’s only there for Coach Scott. 

Tessa and Scott agree to let the kids order room service and watch a movie in the girls’ room for the night. They figure some time for them to relax and be kids might be a good way for them to decompress before their competition tomorrow. 

“Bed by ten, you guys.” Scott says to them as they part in the lobby. “I’m going to come by and check.” 

The kids nod and they’re off to order dinner. 

Scott turns to Tessa. “Remember when that was us?” And then he thinks for a second. “Oh, God, we definitely need to check in on them.” 

Tessa laughs. “They’re responsible kids.” She says, but then she remembers that she considered herself a responsible kid and yet she recalls all those times she and Scott almost messed around before competitions. “Yeah, we’ll check in after dinner.” She says. 

“Speaking of dinner…” Scott says, smiling as he steps closer to her and holds her waist. “I heard the hotel restaurant is pretty good.” 

“Oh yeah?” She says, a smile spreading across her face.

Scott nods. “That’s kind of why I chose this place.” He says, his face reddening. 

Tessa’s smile only grows. He’s sweet. 

“We can get room service if you’d rather, though.” He says. “I mean if you’re tired or just don’t feel like sitting in a restaurant.” 

“No.” She shakes her head. “No, I’d love to um… sit in a restaurant with you.” She laughs. 

Scott smiles back. “Good.” He says softly. “Me too.” 

They’re so close now that all they can see is one another. They might as well be the only two people in the whole world. Tessa’s hand is stroking Scott’s chest the way she’s come to love doing, and Scott’s hands grip her waist, one of them moving slowly across her back.  Scott listens to the way Tessa’s breathing and Tessa’s bites her lip as she sees Scott open his mouth just slightly. She’s enjoying the feel of his hands on her, wants them all over her, and he’s thinking the same thing. They’re so lost in one another that they jump nearly a foot in the air when Drew interrupts them unexpectedly. 

“Uh. Coach Scott?” 

Scott coughs, clears his throat. “Yep?” His voice breaks and he turns to the young man. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Um, is it ok if we charge a movie to the room along with the food?” He asks.

Tessa lets out a deep sigh and runs her hands through her hair. _Oh God_. 

“Yep. That’s fine. Yeah. Uh, Tess - uh Coach T and I are going to grab dinner in the restaurant, um… we have our phones if you guys need anything, alright?” 

Drew nods. “Sure, thanks Coach Scott.” He says, and turns to head back upstairs. 

Scott turns back to Tessa who’s flushed red.  “It’s fine.” He says. “It’s fine.” 

Tessa’s not so sure. 

“They’re totally doing it!” Drew says as he swipes back into Ruby and Avery’s room. 

Tyson’s in the arm chair, his feet up on the coffee table and Ruby and Avery are lounging on the bed. 

“Ew, Drew stop!” Avery says. 

“No, you guys should have seen them, they were like _this_ close.” He kneels down on the bed and brings his face to Avery’s to show them how close their coaches had been standing. 

“So what, that doesn’t mean anything.” Avery says. 

Drew scoffs and turns to Tyson. “Dude, we’re totally winning this bet.” 

“Whatever.” Avery says. Tyson and Drew high five. 

“They’re getting dinner in the restaurant together.” Drew says, offering more evidence.

“Yeah, not in each other’s rooms. That’s normal.” Ruby says, refuting the point Drew’s trying to make. 

Drew shakes his head. “I have an idea.” He says. He wants his ten bucks. 

Scott meets Tessa in the lobby. The restaurant isn’t super fancy, so he’s got on dark jeans and a white dress shirt, unbuttoned at the top the way Tessa likes. His thick hair he’s left playfully messy. He waits for her by the elevators and when she comes out, he can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. He’s so happy. 

She’s wearing tight dark jeans, and a silky green tank top. He admires the cut of the top that shows her collarbone and realises all at once how much he’d like to kiss her there. Her heels are open toed and black, and her toenails are painted a light grey colour, which he likes very much. 

“Hi.” He says as she approaches him. 

“Hi.” She says back. They stare at one another for a moment before Tessa glances around quickly. When the coast seems clear, she leans in and pecks Scott on the cheek. His heart skips a beat. He wraps an arm around her waist and they make their way across the lobby to the restaurant. 

“You think the kids are alright?” Tessa asks. They’re seated at a booth and both enjoying their dinner. Tessa doesn’t like leaving them on their own for extended periods. Even though they’re mostly teenagers, it makes Tessa nervous because she and Scott are responsible for them. “Maybe we should just call to check?” 

“They’re fine.” Scott assures her. “Imagine Marina calling us while we were hanging out? It would’ve been so weird.” 

Tessa shrugs. “Well I’d like to think we’re cooler than Marina.” 

Scott scoffs. 

“What?” She asks. 

“Nothing.” He says. 

“No, what? Tell me.” 

Scott shrugs. “We’re just not the hippest, that’s all.” 

Tessa balks. “What? We’re… we are. We’re very hip.” 

“Really?” He asks. “I believe I heard you say _holy cow_ earlier today.” 

Tessa blushes. “So? That doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a saying.” 

Scott chuckles. “Somehow I don’t think it helps your case though, Virtch. I mean I know I can keep up with the lingo based solely on the fact that you have never and will never hear me say _holy cow.”_

“I’m cool.” Tessa insists, crossing her arms. 

“Use the word _lit_ in a sentence.” Scott says, quizzing her.

“That wine was _lit._ ” She shoots back. 

Scott cracks up. 

“That was used correctly, I know it was!” Tessa says. 

“You might as well have said my _dentures_ are lit _._ ” Scott says, still laughing. “Ok, try hype.” 

“I’m hype for the competition tomorrow.” 

“Alright, that was better.” Scott admits. “How about this - Our kids are going to flex on all those haters.” 

Tessa’s face flushes. “Oh wow. I’m embarrassed to know you now.” She says. 

“Why?” Scott asks. “I’m highkey lit all the time and my words are straight fire.” 

“Oh God.” Tessa covers her face with her hands. “No, I take it back. We’re not cool and we really shouldn’t try to be.” 

“Oh, Virtchdog is shook.” Scott says, smiling fondly at her. “It’s alright. I still think you’re the G.O.A.T. and you’re slaying that outfit.” 

“Oh, Scott, please stop.” Tessa whines, but they both break out into laughter at how silly it all is. 

When they finally collect themselves, Scott reaches for the bottle of wine and refills Tessa’s glass for her. She raises her eyebrows. 

“You trying to get me drunk, Moir?” She asks, and she runs her foot up his calf. 

Scott’s brows shoot up at that. “Nope.” Scott says, smiling grinning. “Just trying to help you relax.” 

“I’m pretty relaxed.” She says. 

“Yeah?” Scott asks. 

Tessa nods back. 

“It doesn’t bother you being out here?” He gestures vaguely at the room of diners. 

Tessa shakes her head, Scott’s foot now coming out to meet her own. 

“Doesn’t bother me.” Tessa says softly. 

They play with each other for a while longer, before Scott says. “Hey.” Tessa looks up at him. 

“I’m really glad you’re here.” He says. “With me.” 

Tessa smiles. “Me too.” She says. 

What Tessa and Scott don’t know is that their four skaters are crouched behind a giant decorative plant in the hotel lobby watching them. 

“ _Look_ at them.” Drew whispers. 

Avery smacks the back of his head. “It doesn’t mean anything.” 

“Look at their feet!” Tyson implores. "And the way they were laughing at each other." 

“Maybe they’re just bored.” Ruby suggests innocently. 

“Yeah, right. They look super bored.” Drew scoffs. 

“Pay up already.” Tyson says, holding his hand out to Ruby.

“They’re not even doing anything!” Avery says, shoving Tyson slightly. 

“Guys! Hey!” Drew interjects, shushing them. “Shut up, they’re coming.” 

They watch their coaches walk right by them on their way to the elevators. They’re still hidden by the giant plant. Scott has his arms on Tessa’s back and Tessa’s leaning so close to him that her head is nearly on Scott’s shoulder. She’s nodding. “Let’s just check on the kids first.” They hear Tessa say. 

“ _First_!” Tyson pumps his fist. “They’re _so_ going back to one of their rooms!” 

“Shut up, idiot! they’re going to _our_ rooms first and we aren’t even there.” Drew says.

“Oh, shit.” Tyson exclaims. 

“Don’t swear.” Ruby mumbles softly. 

“Oh, come on we’ll take the stairs, hurry up.” Avery says, pulling at Drew’s sleeve. 

The kids rush up the stairwell. They’ve got a long way to go - they’re on the eighth floor and the elevators might be too quick for them. 

“Go! Go! Go!” Ruby shouts, slightly out of her normally demure character.

Their feet pound the stairs and they’re more out of breath when they reach the top than they are after a circuit workout.

They burst through the door only to see Tessa pressed up against the wall, Scott teasing her about something and leaning against her. He’s smiling and talking lowly to her, his nose brushing against hers, and her hand is around his neck, fingers massaging him there gently. He leans closer and Tessa arches her back and Scott runs his hand down her neck and kisses her lips.

Avery’s eyes grow wide and her face turns red. She lets out a little “Hmph.” 

“Wait.” Drew sticks an arm out and keeps everyone in place. He thinks they can make it - Tessa and Scott are by the elevators and their room is in the opposite direction, so they just have to get around the corner without being seen and they’re safe. Drew wants so badly to gloat about being right about their relationship, but he realises he should save that for when they’re behind closed doors. 

“Quick. Shh.” He motions, and hunches down, hurrying close to the wall like a mouse. The rest of the kids follow suit, and once they’re around the corner they straighten out and calm down until they hear Tessa laughing loudly and they tense again, sprinting to the door to the girl’s room. Drew slams the keycard into the door and they all fall over each other and into the room safely.

“Ha!” Drew says, turning to Avery. “Pay up! That’s irrefutable evidence.” 

“Whatever.” She says and pushes his chest. “This was a stupid bet and a stupid way to spend the night before a competition.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Drew says, his hand still out. “Money please.” 

“We weren’t serious about the money!” She shouts. 

Drew balks. “Uh, yeah we were!” He turns to Tyson who nods.

“We were, Ave.” 

Ruby silently hands a ten over to Tyson. 

“Fine! Whatever.” Avery says, and pulls a ten out of her back pocket and throws it at Drew. It hits him in the chest.  She feels her eyes burning and she _hates_ crying because it makes her feel weak and she doesn’t want everyone just standing around watching her cry so she storms out of the room, whinging the door open right to Tessa and Scott who’s poised to knock. 

“Avery?” Tessa says, immediately concerned upon seeing how red her face is. 

“Hey, Ave?” Scott says, trying to get her attention. Avery doesn’t care, she blows right by them and starts down the hall back toward the stairwell. 

Scott and Tessa look at one another. Tessa’s tensed up so much that her shoulders are by her ears. Of course she’s going to blame herself for this. They shouldn’t have left the kids on their own. God only knows what happened. 

“I’ll go.” Scott says, but Tessa pulls his wrist and shakes her head. “Let me.” She says, and Scott doesn’t argue. He lets her go. Avery’s never been close to a coach like she is with Tessa. He figures it’s probably for the best that Tessa talk to her and he’ll tend to the others. 

“Avery?” Tessa chases the girl down the hallway, into the stairwell and downward until she stops at the top of another set of stairs and just sits down and leans her head against the wall. 

“I’m fine.” Avery says. 

Tessa knows that type of denial all too personally, and so she knows just how to deal with it - the same way Scott dealt with hers. 

“Ok.” She says. “I’m just going to sit here with you, if that’s alright. It’s kind of nice here, so quiet.” 

Avery doesn’t respond and Tessa takes a seat next to her.  They just sit there for a while, Avery wiping at her eyes and sniffling. 

“Avery, honey-” Tessa starts.

“I’m not crying.” Avery says, interrupting her. 

“Ok.” Tessa says. “Ok.” She takes a breath. “But if you were, I’d tell you that I’m here for you, whatever you need. And If you wanted to talk about anything it could just be between us. That’s what I would tell you, if you were crying. But since you’re not we can just hang out here for a little while. I’m ok with that too.” 

Avery sniffles. “I don’t want to hang out here.” She says. 

“Ok.” Tessa says, reaching over and running her hand over the girl’s back. She pulls away slightly. “Do you want to come back to my room for a little bit?” Tessa asks. “We could hang out there instead.” 

Avery nods reluctantly. 

“Ok.” Tessa says, and she stands. “It’s only two floors down.” 

Tessa and Avery make their way to Tessa’s room and when Tessa lets her inside, the girl curls her little body up in the armchair by the coffee table and hugs her knees to her body. She’s not crying anymore, but her eyes are red and Tessa’s heart breaks. 

“Can I sit next to you?” Tessa asks. Avery nods, and she takes the chair right next to her. 

They sit there in silence for a while. 

“What happened?” Scott asks the three other skaters, taking a less gentle approach than Tessa had.

“She just got upset and left!” Drew says. Ruby narrows her eyes at him and Drew looks away. 

“Why was she upset?” Scott asks, turning to Ruby, who’s cheeks colour. 

“I - I…” Ruby _hates_ lying and Tyson knows this, so he interrupts, “We wanted to know if you and Coach T were a thing so we might have snuck downstairs to spy on you and maybe made a bet on if you were together… and Avery lost because you obviously are and then she got mad.” He blurts. 

Drew and Ruby just stare at him. 

Scott just stares at all of them. “Um…” He’s not really sure what to say. 

“It’s not a big deal.” Drew says, “We were just curious… we were just having fun. We don’t actually care if you’re together or not but Avery just got mad. I’ll give her the money back, it was supposed to be for fun. I didn’t mean to upset her.” 

Scott nods and runs his hands through his hair. “Wow.” He says. “Ok, give me the money.” He reaches his hand out and Drew hands him the ten. “That’s not professional behaviour.” He says to Drew, and he feels like a fucking hypocrite because necking in the hallway before checking in on the kids you’re supposed to be chaperoning isn’t exactly professional behaviour either. 

But Drew doesn’t seem to register this and he hangs his head ashamed and nods. “When we’re away at competitions, we’re professionals. We can have fun, sure. But we need to be respectful of others and we can’t be running all around the hotel. We represent our home towns here, understand?” 

All three athletes nod. 

“Tessa and I are adults, ok? What we do or don’t do isn’t for you guys to worry about. We’re your coaches and no matter what we’re going to be your coaches. Nobody needs to be concerned with our personal lives. We have plenty of other things to be concerned about right? Like the competition. That’s why we’re here, right?” 

They nod at him. 

“Drew, I want you to apologise to Avery first thing when you see her tomorrow, understand me?” Scott says. Drew nods again. 

“Good. Alright, get some sleep, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow and hopefully we can focus on the competition instead.” Scott finishes.

"We're really sorry." Ruby says sadly. 

Scott can't help but offer her a weak smile. He pats her back. "I know you are, kiddo." He says. "It's alright. Get some good rest, eh? It's been a long day. You guys aren't in trouble. Don't worry." 

Ruby, Tyson and Drew nod and Scott leaves them to get to bed. He heads back to his room. He hopes Tessa and Avery are doing alright. 

Tessa was actually supposed to be coming back to his room with him. He really thought they might take things a step further tonight, but perhaps that had been irresponsible after all. They are here for a competition. They’re supervising a group of minors. Maybe this isn’t the time. It’s just something about being away with her again, and visiting an unfamiliar rink and then a hotel and getting dinner and kissing her and seeing that gleam in her eyes… he just got caught up in how much he wants her.

He’s surprised when he settles in the arm chair by the coffee table that he can hear Avery and Tessa in the other room. Hotel walls are always so thin. 

“So you were watching us?” Tessa asks. Avery's opened up a bit about what they were up to.

“Are you mad?” Avery asks back. 

Tessa sighs. “No, honey, I’m not mad, you guys were just trying to have fun.” She remembers all the antics she, Scott, Meryl and Charlie got up to when they were away at competitions. 

“What I’m most concerned about is why you’re so upset.” 

“I thought you were here for _us_.” Avery says finally. 

“Aves… what do you mean?” Tessa feels nervous suddenly. 

“I thought you were here because you wanted to be our coach, not because you wanted to be with Coach Scott.” She says. 

“Oh, Avery.” Tessa says sadly. She’s hurt that the girl would doubt her intentions. “Avery, I am one hundred percent here to be your coach. Coaching you four means so much to me. I love getting up every day knowing that I get to be your coach.”

Avery sniffles and looks up at Tessa. “I just thought… my mom dates these guys and they pretend to be my friend because they want her to like them.” 

Tessa strokes Avery’s back. “Oh, honey.” She says. “Come here.” She pulls Avery toward her until she can hug her. “I promise I’m here for _you._ Scott and my relationship has nothing to do with coaching you guys, alright?”

Avery nods. “So you _are_ in a relationship.” 

Tessa chuckles and pulls back to look at Avery. “We weren’t when you asked the other week.” She says honestly, brushing some hair from the girl's face.

“What happens if you stop liking each other?” Avery asks. 

Tessa squeezes her shoulder. “Aves, I promise I’m not going anywhere, ok? I’m here for _you_. It’s the honour of my life to be your coach. I’m so proud of you. Scott and I have been through a lot and no matter what, at the end of the day, we’re always going to be best friends. I don’t want you to worry about that, ok? Nothing between us is going to change anything for you guys. I promise.” 

Avery nods. “Can you make Drew give me my ten dollars back?” 

Tessa’s eyes widen. “You _bet_ on us?” 

Avery smiles sheepishly. 

“Oh gosh.” Tessa laughs, and Avery laughs with her. “Yes, we’ll get you your money back tomorrow, I promise.”  Tessa walks Avery back up to her room and gives the girl a long hug before telling her to get some rest. 

As Tessa returns to her room, she sees Scott waiting outside of his.  “Kids are something else, eh?” 

Tessa smiles shyly. “I cant believe they were watching us. They _bet_ on us!” 

Scott shrugs. “Them and half the world. Nothing new. Come here.” He holds his arms out for Tessa who slips into them easily.  Scott hugs her tightly. “I don’t suppose you still want to come over?” 

Tessa looks at him apologetically. “We really shouldn’t.” She says. “And it’s so late.” 

Scott nods. 

“We can wait a little longer, right?” Tessa asks.

Scott kisses her forehead. “For you? Anything. He says and then he smiles goofily. “You’re always worth the wait.” 


	14. An Odyssey

Nobody mentions the goings-on of the previous night before the competition. Everyone’s focused. Everyone’s professional.  Scott’s impressed with the way the kids can compartmentalise and Tessa’s glad for it too, and happy to see Avery so easily forgive Drew, and Drew so grateful to be forgiven. They’re mature, the kids, when they need to be.  And they do well at the competition, too. Very well. Tyson and Ruby take first and Avery and Drew third. They often place first and third, but this competition was far more competitive than usual, and Ruby and Tyson’s scores qualify them for nationals. 

Tessa could hardly contain her excitement by the time of the medal ceremony and she reached over and held Scott’s hand tightly despite the fact that people were watching. Scott could not have been happier in that moment - or so he thought. 

* * *

That night, the competition hosted a banquet at a neighboring function hall.  The kids were still all hopped up on the adrenaline of the day, and were socialising with the other skaters. 

One of Tessa’s favourite things to see was how happy Avery and Drew were for Tyson and Ruby even though they themselves didn’t qualify for nationals. Tessa’s sure with a little more practice they could get there next year. 

Scott’s been so happy all day he hasn’t quit smiling. He’s so proud of his athletes, and so proud of Tessa. He watches the way she congratulates each of them with the same enthusiasm she had when they themselves were competitors. She gives them everything they wish they'd had when they’d been athletes, and Scott feels so lucky to have her with him for this - and in other ways. She held his hand in public… She hasn't done that in ages, and under the table, the table they sit at with six other coaches, her hand is on his thigh. They’re not even facing one another. Tessa’s involved with a conversation to her right, and Scott’s speaking with two women on his left, and yet, she’s right there with him. Their own conversation transpires then between them, a tactile one, with her fingers pressing into his skin and his fingertips brushing across her knuckles. She squeezes him tighter when she feels that and Scott spaces out on the verbal conversation he’s having because all he wants is Tessa. 

But then he hears a deep voice to his right, and he looks over momentarily and there’s a guy there, a guy who isn’t seated at their table. He has a scruffy brown beard and blue eyes and he’s leaning in to talk to Tessa. He’s so close… But Tessa’s hand is still on Scott’s thigh and as she nods at the guy and whatever he’s saying, she grips him even tighter. 

Scott hadn’t much been listening to the conversation he was supposed to be involved in before, but as soon as that guy had started talking to Tessa he was actively _not_ listening, straining instead to hear what the man was saying to her. 

He didn’t catch much, just that he’d scribbled his number down on her napkin and touched her shoulder. Scott had shuddered at that. He didn’t like other men _touching_ her. He wasn’t jealous, he just couldn’t help thinking about what their _intentions_ were with her…And okay, maybe he was a little jealous. He’d expected that Tessa, in her infinite kindness, had agreed to call him or something. His stomach turns sour at the thought. She’s still holding on to him… Surely she won’t call him, right? They haven’t really talked about exclusivity but Scott can’t bear the thought of her with someone else now, not when they’ve just made so much progress.

He doesn’t say anything as he’s pulled from the table into another conversation with his friend who coaches in Ottowa. He hates the absence of input he feels now that Tessa’s hand is gone from his thigh. 

* * *

It’s another hour at least before he makes his way back over to Tessa, who’s standing on her own now, surveying the room, her eyes tracking their kids, making sure they’re safe. She’d be a killer chaperone at a high school dance, Scott chuckles to himself. And _God,_ she looks really fucking good in that dress. 

She’s wearing this low cut forest green dress with a straight neckline and her skin is glimmering like it’s laced with stardust. _It probably is,_ he thinks to himself. 

Tessa is special. She’s always been special.  She’s shy but somehow people are always drawn to her. She’s incredibly smart but never makes anyone else feel dumb. She’s privileged but never acts it. She’s beautiful but only ever appreciates the beauty of others or of the world around her.  It’s never a contradiction - how she appears on paper versus how she acts, because her actions are all that matter.  Scott loves her for that. He loves that she’s so loved.

But one thing about Tessa that is as it appears is her body - it’s fucking gold standard in every way you could think of and Scott is thinking of it in a lot of ways at the moment.  He takes a deep breath as she makes her way over to him, her emerald eyes twinkling. She’s carrying a delicate flute of champagne, and Scott can tell it isn’t her first by the way her shoulders are so relaxed.  Normally, they’re up by her ears at big events like this. He’s glad she’s not feeling anxious.  He smiles down at her as she bumps his arm with hers. 

“Haven’t seen you in a while.” She says, tilting her head. “You’ve been busy.” 

Her lips are the colour of raspberries and look soft and lush. Scott wants to taste them, so he tries to distract himself, clears his throat instead. 

“Could say the same of you.” He says. “You look like you’ve been having a good enough time without me, though.”

Tessa stares at him for a moment before taking a sip of champagne. “Good enough is not _good_.” She says. “Nor is it actually enough.”

Scott raises his brows as if to say, _is that so?_

And Tessa sucks her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment before reaching out to finger the cuff of his sleeve. “When has it ever been?” She says softly, innocently. 

And she means it. She’s been with other men, he’s been with other women. It’s never really _good_ and it’s certainly never enough. 

Scott smiles. “You look beautiful.” He tells her.

Tessa can’t help blushing slightly. It’s far from the first time he’s said that to her, but it seems to catch her off guard every time.  “And you look very handsome.” She says back with a wink. “We’re quite a pair.” 

Scott slips his hands into his pockets and nods. “Seems that way.” People have been stealing glances at them all night. 

“Do you want to come back to my hotel room?” She asks, “After, I mean.” 

Scott nearly chokes. “Oh.” He says. “Yes.” He winces and hopes he doesn’t sound too eager. “Yeah. Yes, I would - I would want that.” 

Tessa smiles. 

“Hey, that guy…" Scott says. He has to ask.

Tessa is confused for a moment before she realises what he’s referring to. "He's Jordan's friend." Tessa says. 

"He was hitting on you." Scott informs her. 

Her smile fades a bit. “Am I required to entertain _all_ of my suitors?” She asks. “You’re back, aren’t you?” 

Scott’s about to laugh, but it catches in his throat at the last part of what she’s said. He nearly coughs. He’s endlessly glad he’s actually read the copy of _The Odyssey_ she’s lent him. 

“I am.” He manages to say, his voice hoarse. 

“So he’s dead to me.” She leans in close and whispers to him, winking before taking a sip of champagne. 

Scott loses his breath once again. Tessa’s eyes are twinkling, and Scott can tell she’s in her happy place - just tipsy enough to make herself slightly bolder, to expand the fibers of the filter she normally runs her thoughts through.

* * *

They take a shuttle back to their hotel and walk the kids back up to their rooms. It’s late now, and they should get to bed, but Tessa and Scott decide they can celebrate with late night room service and a movie. 

“ _One. One movie._ ” Scott emphasises. 

“And no sneaking around spying and placing bets on people.” Tessa adds. 

The kids laugh but agree to the terms. 

“Come here.” Tessa says to each of the kids before they go. She hugs Drew and Avery of them and tells them how proud she is, how glad she is to have worked with them this year, and how she can’t wait to see what they’ll be able to do together next year, and then she hugs Ruby and Tyson and tells them how excited she is for them and how far they’re going to go. Scott follows suit, tells them all how much progress they’ve made as athletes and young people, and how grateful he is to be their coach. 

And when Tessa and Scott close the door, Tessa seizes his hand and pulls him toward her hotel room.  She fumbles with her keycard and laughs in spite of herself.  Then Tessa’s sitting on her bed, Scott down on the floor, criss cross. He pulls her shoes off for her - knows that heels hurt her feet. 

“So you’re Penelope?” He asks, looking up at her, “In this scenario.” 

Tessa takes a moment to realise he’s talking about her earlier reference, but then smiles slyly. “I am.” 

“So that makes me Odysseus.” He says, her heel in the palm of one hand, the thumb of the other hand tracing the arch of her foot. 

Tessa shrugs.

Scott smiles up at her in the dim light. It’s the truest smile she’s seen from him in a long time. It’s that playful look he used to get when they were younger, his eyes crinkling at the edges.  
“I’m your _king_ , then.” He says proudly.

Tessa shakes her head, scoffing and pushing her foot against his warm chest. “Don’t get too carried away.” She says. “Odysseus kept Penelope waiting for _twenty_ _years_.” 

Scott chews his lip, his hand moving slowly up Tessa’s smooth calf, caressing the little scar.

“Odysseus was an idiot.” Scott says, leaning close and kissing the small raised line of it gently. Tessa’s eyes shut at the feeling. 

“ _You_ kept me waiting for twenty five.” She says. 

Scott snorts. “I’m an even bigger idiot.”

Scott presses his nose against her leg, and breathes in her familiar scent. She smells like home. 

“But for the record, I think Penelope had her own agenda.” He whispers, and he drapes her leg over his shoulder, kissing his way up her calf, brushing her dress back as he moves farther up, nuzzling her soft skin sporadically. 

“No.” Tessa says softly. “But I do.”

His hands are under her thighs, wrapped around so that he can grip the tops of them in his hands, fingers splayed out to touch as much of her as possible. 

“I missed you.” He whispers and turns his face to kiss her inner thigh. 

“Scott.” 

Tessa’s voice forces him to open his eyes and look up at her.  She looks desperate and Scott selfishly loves seeing her this way only because he knows only he can give her what she needs. She knows she feels the same way when he looks at her like that. 

“I’m sorry.” She tells him. “For keeping you waiting.” She says.

Scott leans back and reaches up to stroke her cheek. “Me too.” He says, but then he smiles. “So no more waiting, eh?” 

Tessa smiles shyly and nods. "No more waiting." 

_She looks like Penelope,_ Scott thinks as he looks up at her. _She looks like a queen would._

Her eyes are bright and green and framed by her long dark lashes, the blush on her cheeks complimenting the colour of her dress. Her long dark locks surround her gorgeous face and she flashes him a smile that makes his insides melt.

_I love you._ Is what he thinks.  He starts back up her thighs again, pressing sweet kisses to her delicate skin, but she cups his cheeks in her hands and he looks up at her.  “Anything you want, Tess.” He says to her. 

He waits for her to take the lead, but she doesn’t, just lets go, strokes his hair. She trusts him fully and completely.  He goes back to work, sucking at the skin of her legs, and he’s rewarded with a deep, sultry moan from her sweet lips that makes his cock twitch.  Her hands are in his hair now and his hand comes up to stroke her hip.  He pushes her dress up the last few inches until he can press his nose to the lace of her underwear. She whimpers when she feels him there. 

“Tess.” He says looking up at her, his hands massaging her thighs. “I want you so much, you have no idea.”

Tessa lets out a shaky breath as her fingers curl in Scott’s thick hair. She nods and he presses his mouth to her centre. He can taste her through the silk and lace, and she’s just like he remembered and it feels like coming home.  He moans at the taste of her, as she fills his senses, gripping his hair and bucking her hips, and when he pushes her underwear to the side and laps at her she lets out a sweet little cry and her thighs press against his temples as she shakes for him.  He pushes them apart and strokes her abdomen as he looks up at her. “Lay back.” He whispers. He wants her to be comfortable. He’s so gentle, and he’s mindful of every place he touches her. 

Tessa knows he’s nervous. She can tell by the way his hands shake just slightly, the way his breath comes a little quicker and the rhythm of his heart pounding in his chest.  This isn’t like their first time even though the nerves are there. They know one another. This is rediscovery, return, reclamation and revival.

Tessa thinks it’s sweet, she really does, and she likes how gentle he is, and it feels so good, but at the same time, she _wants_ him. She’s tired of feeling like she has to be a perfect angel. She’s strong, and fiery and she has desires. And she needs to indulge in them.  She reaches for the hem of her dress and pulls it recklessly over her head.

Scott sits back on his feet, watching her reverently. 

“Touch me.” She says, breathless as she pulls him up onto the bed, flipping him so he’s laying on his back and she can straddle his waist. She can feel his stiff length through his pants now.

Scott’s hands come up to her hips and then slide slowly up her bare sides. She loves his hands - loves how big and rough they are. She loves how firmly they grip her. She’s nearly forgotten what it feels like.  She longs for him to use them on her the way he used to, but he simply skims them across her skin, up to her shoulders and then back down her sides to her hips.  She bites her lip in frustration, and, in a moment of uncharacteristic lust, she seizes both of his wrists and brings his hands up to cup her breasts.  Scott let out a funny rush of air, something akin to a gasp when he feels the warm weight of her breasts in his hands, the way her nipples press out against his palms. 

“Touch me.” She says again, and watches his face, his jaw slack, mouth slightly ajar. “Please.” She huffs in frustration. “Like this.”  She sets her hands over his and helps him squeeze her and massage her breasts the way she craves. She can’t help the little moan that escapes her throat at the feeling, and Scott’s eyes widen further at the sound. 

His mouth falls to her bra, pushing the cup down with his nose and drawing a nipple into his mouth, lapping at it gently, trying to keep himself restrained.  It’s been _so_ long since he’d touched her like this and there is _so_ much he wants to revisit.  His free hand travels around to her back, unclasping her bra and drawing it down her arms to reveal her chest completely. She’s porcelain white, with those little freckles scattered across her every which way. She’s never liked them, but Scott has always been mesmerised by them. He’s come to expect them on every woman he’s been with, only to be disappointed time and time again when they aren’t there. When it isn't Tessa. But she’s here now, and she wants him. He licks a long line directly between her breasts, and then up her neck as his thumb toys with one of her nipples, rosy and pink and hard for him.  When his mouth meets hers, she moans into it, defeated. “More.” She forces out when he pulls away.  He nods, though more to himself, and makes quick work slipping his hand in her underwear, and running his fingers along her delicate folds. She’s wet. Fuck, she’s _soaked_. 

“Tess.” He groans. When he looks back up at her, she’s massaging her breast, pulling at her nipple as she bites her lip.  Scott lets out what can only be described as a growl as he grabs both of her hands and presses her back until she’s laying out on the bed.  His mouth goes to hers again, plunging his tongue deep, kissing her with all he has before moving back to worship her breasts, kissing them softly, lapping at her nipples, teasing them with his tongue, and then raking them through his teeth all while he has his thigh pressed up against her center. He grins when she pulls on the back of it, demanding more pressure, too stubborn to grind down on it on her own, despite how much she wants to.  He moves his leg slightly, rubbing her up and down, and she gasps and grips his hands tighter, digging her nails in.  Her breath hitches in her throat and she lets out a throaty “Yes.”, which emboldens Scott. 

“Harder.” She says after a moment, watching the surprise grow across his features at her newfound confidence with him. He loves it.  He grips her nipples between his thumb and index finger and pulls lightly, causing her hips to stutter. 

“Yes, yes.” She hisses. “Harder, please, _please_ , Scott.” 

He nods, disbelief written across his face. He twists her nipples slightly as he presses his thigh against her, milking a gloriously erotic sound from her that has him twitching in his pants and eager for more.  He repeats the motion with a bit more force and Tessa throws her head back, moaning once more. 

“Oh.” Scott breaths. “Tessa, oh my God.” 

He lowers himself so they’re face to face and meets her eyes briefly, asking permission. When she nods her pupils blown wide with desire, he pulls off her underwear.

“Scott.” Tessa pushes at his chest and when he leans back she all but tears his shirt off, casting it aside and runs her hands over his bare chest the way she’s been wanting to do for so long now. 

Scott loves the way her hands feel on him. He never wants her to stop touching him. Never.  Her hands pause at the waist of his pants, and Scott closes his eyes as he feels her unbutton them. 

“Come here.” He says gruffly, his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her lips to his until he can kiss her breathless.  He moans softly at the taste of her and moans once again when his hand runs up her thigh to her centre, and he feels how wet she is. 

Tessa works to pull Scott’s length from his trousers, stroking him firmly.  “Condom?” She asks. Scott fumbles to get to his wallet and pulls one out. Tessa takes it from him and sheaths him, stroking him again and making him kiss her harder. 

Tessa pulls away when she needs to catch her breath and rests her head on Scott’s sturdy shoulder. 

He nuzzles her cheek.  “You’re so perfect.” He whispers to her. 

Tessa smiles. “There’s no such thing. You told me yourself.” 

Scott grunts and pushes himself forward, lowering her gently so she’s laying back on the mattress.  “I thought we just went over how I’m an idiot.” He says softly, nibbling her ear before pressing his lips back agains hers. 

Tessa laughs into his kiss and works her hand between them so she can guide him to her centre. 

“You want this?” Scott asks. He can’t help it. He needs to make sure on last time.

“Yes.” Tessa says, breathless. “So much, Scott.” 

Scott shuts his eyes, presses his forehead to hers and nods as he moves closer, lets the tip of his cock slip into her just slightly. He buries his face into the crook of her neck where he lets out a low moan and feels the vibration of her purring in her neck. 

He turns his face and kisses her there, suckling the skin before beginning to thrust against her, her hips rocking in time with his. 

“Oh.” She sighs. “Yes.”

He covers her mouth with his, their tongues dancing together, and then he’s suckling at her breast, tongue laving over her nipple, making her clench so tightly around him that he shakes in an effort to hold himself off.  He rolls his hips and she’s wrapped her legs around him like a vise, her heels digging a delicious ache into his ass as one arm wraps tightly around his neck and the other allows her palm to press into his low back, pushing him as tightly as she can against her in an attempt to sate her need for him to fill her completely. 

Her teeth are bared as he slides in fully, and when he finally bottoms out, she lets her head fall back in a taught sort of relief, the way it feels to stretch a muscle after a particularly onerous workout.  She sighs deeply, involuntarily, and Scott brings his lips to her now exposed neck as he  adopts a slow, steady rhythm with his hips.

Tessa might have called it dirty - the way they were fucking. She was absolutely soaking wet, dripping down her thighs, and Scott was moaning curse words in a voice so deep and gravelly it made her shudder. They were caught in a positive feedback loop - Tessa’s wetness making Scott groan and Scott’s voice making Tessa wetter.  But for some reason, it felt like the purest, most natural thing in the world to her. 

Tessa thought back briefly to her exes. She’d always felt guilty or dirty for asking for things from them, but not Scott. Scott makes it feel ok, makes it feel right. Scott _wants_ her to say those things. He _wants_ her to tell him what feels good.

“You’re so beautiful.” She hears Scott grunt out as waves of pleasure drive through her.  Scott cups her cheek and presses a long kiss there, slowing his thrusts enough to force Tessa to moan deeply, arching her back and elongating her neck so Scott can move his lips there next.  “You feel so fucking good, Tess.” He whispers, cradling her head. 

Scott’s good at making sex feel _pure_. 

“Scott.” She whimpers. 

He presses his forehead to hers. “What do you need?” He asks, dutifully. And Tessa knows that she could say _anything_ and he’d do it for her.

“Slower.” Tessa breathes, enjoying the way he’s teasing her now. 

“Oh.” Scott grunts, smirking. His thumb strokes her temple.

Scott’s so good at being gentle. Tessa doesn’t know how something so maddeningly frustrating could feel so good, but Scott seems to make it work somehow.  Tessa knows she isn’t going to last long. Scott must have been able feel it because he holds her tighter and whispers, “I got you.”

Tessa grabs at his shoulders in response, steadying herself. 

“Come for me, Tess.” He whispers before locking his lips against hers. 

She moans deeply into his mouth as she tries to hang on a little longer. She isn’t ready for this to be over just yet. 

But then Scott lowers his lips to her ear again and whispers softly, “Let me see you come, Tessa.”

And Tessa no longer has control over her body. She shakes against him, reaching out to hold onto him anywhere her hands can find purchase.  Scott watches her lovingly as she bucks and keens, fire rushing through her veins.  She arches her back, and Scott slips a hand under her, resting it at the small of her back and waiting a moment longer before thrusting twice more and letting out a long, low groan, coming with her. 

Tessa’s shaky afterward. She feels raw and vulnerable, and Scott understands. And he holds her close and strokes her back and her hair. 

“Tess.” He whispers.  She opens her eyes and looks into his. They’re pressed so closely together their eyelashes knit together.

“I love you.” He says. “I never stopped.” 

Tessa reaches out and presses her fingertips to his lips. He kisses them for her. 

“I love you too.” She whispers. “I’m sorry I was scared.” 

Scott shakes his head and hugs her tight. She hugs him back resting her cheek on the warm skin of his chest. “I’m not scared anymore.” Tessa promises. And she's not.


	15. Two More Years And A New Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter! I know this is quite a jump ahead (2 years!) but it felt like a nice way to end.  
> I really enjoyed writing this. I think I may add little pieces to this story that pick up after this last chapter ends.  
> Thank you to everyone who's read and helped me along the way!  
> <3 :)

They boot up Scott’s laptop in their darkened hotel room. They’ve worked the time difference out where they should be catching the kids just after practice.  The room is illuminated with the light from their computer, and Scott watches as Tessa navigates to Facetime. He can’t resist giving her a peck on the cheek because he finds her excitement to talk to the kids so endearing. 

She turns and smiles at him. “I love them.” She says. 

Scott chuckles. “I know. Me too. And I love _you_.” 

Tessa closes her fingers around the neckline of his shirt and pulls him close, kissing him deeply. “I love you too.” She whispers. "Now stop distracting me. This is _business._

Scott chuckles. "You're right. Go on. _Business_." 

She turns back to the laptop and Scott settles beside her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close.  Outside, he can hear waves crashing on the shore, and the smell of salt air wafts in from the open balcony.  They’re in France, just having made their way down to Saint Tropez from Paris, where they'd flown in. It had been a long day of travel. They'd made the trip for Tessa, who was still working part time out of the rink. She has a photoshoot in the morning, but after that, they're looking forward to a week of uninterrupted relaxation, just the two of them. 

Suddenly, their screen lights up with four of their favourite bright faces. 

“Hi!” Tessa says excitedly and Scott squeezes her shoulder. The kids all greet her back. They’re at the rink.  They’re all two years older now, and far more skilled than they could’ve imagined. They're in Scott's office - Scott can see little Satine the succulent perched in her window, and he smiles at that. 

“How is being back in France?” Avery asks, “Is it like honeymooning all over again?”

Drew rolls his eyes and Scott laughs. At one time Avery had been worried her coach's relationship would impact her relationship with them, but she's come to realise how happy everyone is because of it and it makes her happy.

Tessa still blushes every time someone brings it up that they're married and Scott just laughs because it still feels surreal even a year later. 

“It's good, Aves. We were in Paris for a couple days just for fun and we did visit some places we went to on the honeymoon.” Scott says, his hand falls to Tessa’s lap where it joins her hand, his thumb brushing over her wedding ring.  “Anyway, look, you guys better not be slacking off just because we’re not around.” Scott’s only half joking. 

The kids laugh anyway. “We’re on it, Coach.” Tyson nods.  They talk about conditioning for the summer and go through some of the circuits they’re meant to do at the gym. 

These kids have big dreams and Scott and Tessa want to do all they can to help them realise them. This is probably the longest they’ve gone without seeing them since they took a summer break after Ruby and Tyson won junior nationals. Since then, both teams had qualified, and they were gearing up to have their best season yet.  They go over workouts once more for clarification and Tessa and Scott bid their athletes farewell for now, promise to see them in a week to start training for the upcoming season.

* * *

When they hang up the call, Avery hands drew a crisp ten dollar note.

"What's this for?" He asks confusedly. 

"We did have a bet on them at one point. I pay my debts, fair and square." She says. 

Drew laughs and wraps an arm around her shoulders, "Come on, kiddo, I'll buy you an ice cream." 

* * *

When Tessa closes the laptop she leans against Scott and wraps her arms around his midsection. Scott responds by pulling her close. 

“I love our kids.” Tessa says. 

Scott chuckles and kisses the top of her head. “Yeah.” He says, “Me too.” 

They joke about having kids sometimes - or Tessa does, anyway. And not just about the kids they coach. 

Tessa will make a comment about how she’d be much better at waking up in the morning if she had a little person crying for her, or sometimes they’ll be shopping and Tessa will pick up a pair of newborn shoes or a onesie and make a comment about how fun it would be to design a whole wardrobe for a baby, or she’ll admire the maternity clothes and say, _I would wear this if…_ But there’s not an _if._ Not yet, anyway. Scott doesn’t take it too seriously. He figures she’s just testing out the idea and he doesn’t want to pressure her into it so he takes it at face value - as a joke or an imagined scenario.

But when he sees her with the littlest kids at the rink, lifting them up and spinning them around and giggling with them or brushing the snow off their little bodies when they fall and comforting them in that soothing voice he knows so well… He can’t deny they way it makes him feel inside. He’d love to see her as a mom. He’d love to _make_ her a mom. So he likes it when she jokes about kids, because he thinks the idea is growing on her. 

* * *

Scott wakes in the morning before Tessa’s alarm and watches on as Tessa, illuminated by the gentle sunlight flowing in between the drawn curtains, stretches her arms over her head and arches her back, letting out a little _hrumph._ After having shut her alarm off. 

Scott smiles. He’s so used to it at this point. It’s this way every morning she has to wake up on a schedule, even when they’re in a little beach town by San Tropez for a photoshoot. 

Scott runs a hand up her silk nightdress from her stomach, up between her breasts, and to her cheek so he can turn her head toward him and kiss her. 

“Mhh.” He hums. “Morning, beautiful.” 

Tessa hrumphs again and Scott laughs. “What’s wrong?” He asks, though he knows the answer. 

“I’m tired.” She says. She’s pouting and her voice is hoarse with sleep in the most adorable way. 

Scott kisses her cheek because he _needs_ to kiss her again.  “Yeah, but look on the bright side,” He says, “Your favourite way to wake up is next to me.” He grins and she rolls on her side so her back’s to him. 

“Second favourite.” She mumbles. 

“Ouch I’m _second_? To what?” He rolls toward her and spoons her from behind tucking his chin in the crook of her shoulder and whispering in her ear, “I don’t like to be second.” 

Tessa’s eyes are shut tight, but she smiles. 

“Let’s hear it then.” Scott says. “What’s your favourite?” 

“Mm.” Tessa likes the way his breath feels against her. “My favourite is waking up next to you _without_ an alarm.” She says, and Scott squeezes her tighter. 

“I can accept that answer.” He says. “Tomrrow, baby, you can sleep as late as you want.” 

Tessa nods and turns in his arms to look up at him.  “You’re my first favourite, always. No matter what.” Scott says, kissing her forehead.  He rolls onto his back and Tessa moves with him, resting her head on his chest. 

“What if we had kids?” She asks, would I still be your favourite?” Scott laughs. “They could only ever tie you, I promise.” He says. “And they’d have to be pretty great kids to do that.” 

Tessa thinks for a moment, and Scott watches her. 

“I think we’d make pretty great kids.” She says. 

Scott smiles and kisses her again. “I think you’re right.” 

He indulges her laziness for a while. It’s not completely unselfish, he loves holding body, still warm and snuggly from sleep, there against him, but he knows if he waits too long she’ll fall back asleep and be late.  “Come on” He says, rubbing her back. “I’ll make you breakfast before you go.”  They have a little built-in kitchen in their hotel that they’d just stocked for the week yesterday evening.

“Aw you’ll make me breakfast?” She looks up at him.

Scott scoffs. “Yeah because I want you to actually have something edible. Now, get up.”  Scott tickles her sides and forces the breath from her, making her lurch out of bed quickly. 

Tessa grumbles. “This is the thanks I get for being the breadwinner?” 

“What was that?” Scott asks, lunging for her. 

Tessa’s face lights up, she loves a good game of chase, and she giggles as she runs off and locks herself in the bathroom to get showered and ready. 

Scott laughs to himself before getting out of bed to start a couple of omelettes. 

* * *

Tessa’s rushing now. She’d eaten her omelette in her towel, and Scott couldn’t resist grabbing her up after she’d finished and throwing her onto the bed so he could pin her down and kiss her. He hadn’t meant for it to delay her so much, but Tessa’d kissed him back and they sort of just lost track of time. They should know better by now. It’s not exactly the first time this has happened.

“Ok, so then I’ll meet you for dinner at…” Tessa’s looking around frantically for her phone. Scott grabs from under a strewn shirt on a chair and hands it to her. 

“At six, yep. I’ll be there.” He assures her. There’s no place he’d rather be. 

“Ok. Um, I think that’s it. Ok, I need to go, I need to go.” Tessa _hates_ being late. 

“Hey, hey. One sec, T, you have an eyelash.” Scott says, stilling her. 

Tessa can’t help but smile a little. He’s always looking out for her. 

He holds her face in his hands as his thumb brushes the delicate skin just under her eye. He collects the eyelash on his thumb and pulls back holding it out to her. She always makes wishes on her eyelashes. It’s another superstition she’s developed over the years. He finds it endearing and doesn't ever question it. It's just how she is. 

Tessa holds his wrist steady and closes her eyes. 

“I wish -“ 

“Hey, I thought you couldn’t tell me your wishes.” Scott interrupts before she can finish. 

“Normally, no, but this one is for you, too. You can help me blow it away.” Tessa tells him. 

Scotts eyebrows go up. “Oh.” He says. “Then by all means, share with the class.” 

Tessa looks up at him, still holding his wrist. “I wish… I want… I want us to have a baby.” 

Scott’s eyes go wide and Tessa blushes. "If that’s something you want too… I thought it was I - I mean, we should talk about it.” She says, and then feels bad for blurting it out right before she’s about to leave for the day, and now she’s looking up at him, waiting for some kind of response. 

Scott swallows hard, but all he says is, “Don’t we have to blow the eyelash away?” 

Tessa smiles slightly and nods slowly. “If you're ok with it. If that’s the wish you want.” 

Scott laughs his whole body buzzing with the words she’s just said to him, tears stinging his eyes. “Yeah, Tess.” He nods. “That’s the wish I want. Is that the wish _you_ want, really?” He strokes her cheek gently. 

Tessa nods. “Yeah.” She says. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I feel ready.” 

Scott lets out a shaky breath. “Then I think that’s a pretty great wish, kiddo.” He says. 

Tessa smiles. “Ok.” She says softly. “ Ready?" 

Scott nods and Tessa counts, "Three, two, one…” And they both blow on Scott’s thumb together, sending the eyelash flying off and the wish with it. 

“Come here.” Scott says, pulling Tessa tightly against him. He lowers his face to the crook of her neck and Tessa strokes his hair. 

“I love you, Tess.” Scott says, and Tessa holds on tight. “Thank you.” She whispers, and she means it sincerely because she never has to hide herself from him. All of her fears and superstitions and hangups and hesitations, and through everything that hurts, and everything that doesn’t, he stands by her, and she offers him the same in return. It’s taken her years to realise it but now that she knows, it’s everything to her and they pass what they've learned from each other on to their "kids", and maybe one day they'll pass it on to their _kids._

“Thank you for loving me.” She says. “I love you too.” It doesn’t scare her anymore to say it. In fact, she's forgotten what she was so afraid of in the first place. 


End file.
